It’s been well over a year since I blogged about what it’s like to deconvert from Christianity. (New readers, click on the Deconversion tag on the righthand side of this page for the whole story. It’s a long one).
At first it was sort of like phantom limb syndrome. A part of me was gone. Sort of. I wanted to go back to the way things were, but at the same time I couldn’t fit into those boxes anymore.
It took years to settle into my new reality. Blogging helped. Reading how other people adjusted to their deconversions was soothing as well until it wasn’t anymore. After a while there’s not much else to say about the transition between Christian and Atheist/Agnostic/Apatheist (or however else they identify).
You can’t form a new habit overnight. It takes time to not only get used to this new thing but to begin to forget what life was like before such massive changes took place.
My blog has been getting a lot more hits for phrases like deconversion and depression than it did in the past.
Stuff like this makes me wish I knew who created the search terms I see in my analytics. I’d love to take all of the lonely apostates out for hot chocolate. There’s a big difference between reading a screen and sitting next to a living, breathing person who is a little further up the trail. I wish I’d had that kind of mentorship when my doubts first spilled over.
It’s peaceful here. Yes, there were twinges for a while, but they’ve steadily become more and more rare as I’ve made new friends who have no connection to the life I knew 10+ years ago. Things have changed so much that it really isn’t relevant anymore.
There might come a time when I don’t identify as anything at all. To be honest, this isn’t something I spend a lot of time thinking about until or unless someone else triggers that part of my brain. It’s just is what it is.