Summer 2013 Search Engine Questions

Today I thought I’d answer some more recent search terms that have brought new readers to this blog. Feel free to leave your own responses in the comment section!

Why am I chattier on certain days and quiet on others? Did you know that words build up slowly in the back of your mouth when you sleep? If you don’t use them all up at the end of the day they reach maturity and start making baby words before you go to bed. By the time you wake up the next morning your tonsils are infested with two or three times your normal daily allotment of speech. You either have to spit them all out or risk them migrating up to your brainstem and take over your nervous system. Nobody wants that to happen.

Why is Christina so crabby? She doesn’t read this blog.

How to understand the type of person who won’t let you get a word in edgewise in a conversation. No one ever taught them that it takes at least two to carry a conversation.

Can people change fundamentally? No.

A non-theistic blessing before a meal.

Good bread, good meat.

Good God, let’s eat!

Should I apologize to my husband’s mistress? I’d love to know the rest of this story. If the person who searched for an answer to this question ever reads this, please let us know what happened!

Are extroverts doomed to repeat their mistakes for life? No.

What are men thinking when they go quiet? They seem strangely unwilling to answer this question. 😛 For the record, this is a great question to ask me if you’re interested in surviving the next apocalypse or wonder why Cheese Man never runs low on cheese. I have stacks of theories about both topics!

What man’s name gives the impression of [him being] trustworthy? Short ones.

Here’s a sign that my readers have high self esteem: I cant believe how f8cking awesome I am.

Finally, someone found this blog by searching for the phrase elders of lo don. Googling it turned up nothing, so I decided to write flash fiction about these elders so they’ll have something to do until we actually invent them.

“Herman, you fatuous fool!” 

“What happened?” 

“What sort of dingbat sleeps while the fire burns out?” 

“It’s still smouldering, Helga.We’ll be just fine!”

“The Elders of Lo Don don’t exist for just fine work. Go scrub the front steps. I’ll finish your watch.”

 After Herman left Helga crouched over the fragile flame. Achoo! Helga watch in horror as the tiny flame disappeared. A moment later she joined it. 

A 3.4 earthquake jiggled San Jose that January evening, but it wasn’t until the end of the cold, cropless summer that the humans realized something was terribly wrong.

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