Author Archives: lydias

Before we begin this week’s list of recommendations, remember the Ask account I mentioned signing up for in Thursday’s post? I’m having a blast asking and answering questions every day! Click on the link above if you want to know about a few of the naughty things I did as a little girl. 😀

What If We Took Every Marriage Proposal Seriously? True story: I (jokingly) proposed to Drew before we ever met in person. We chatted on a message board called The Ooze for about six months before he came to visit me, and I liked his ideas so much that I developed a crush on him without even knowing what he looked like. A year and a day after we met in person we got married. This link is work-safe, the rest of the site is not.

Is it Time to Say Sorry? via SatyaRobyn. Why love is a more powerful motivator than shame. If only more people realized this!

From Privacy Matters:

And this brings me to the crux of this post: privacy matters. We each need the space and time to be alone with our own thoughts. We also need the space and time to express our inner most thoughts and feelings to friends, family and comrades. Where there is no real privacy, there can be no true democracy.

Hold Close. Imagine telling a story without using any words. It might be a little too short to be officially classified as a graphic novel, but this piece is not to be missed.  This link is work-safe, the rest of the site is not.

The Avant-Garde Art of Book Stacking in Stores of Japan. How cool is this? I hereby reserve the right to dedicate a room to stacking books if I ever become wealthy.

Oh Son, That’s Not How You Do Adulthood. The best part about being an adult is not having to ask permission for these things.

Alien Invasion? No, It’s Just a Massive Supercell Storm. Check out the video embedded in this link. Tornadoes have always frightened me, but even I have to admit it’s cool to watch supercell storms move across the sky.

Do you know what (not) to say to families affected by terminal illnesses? The Still Point of the Turning World describes how the author, Emily Rapp, survived emotionally after her only child was diagnosed with Tay-Sachs disease.

Ms. Rapp tells happy, heartbreaking, and frustrating stories about her son’s short life and explains why certain comments (“I could never do what you do,” “When God closes a door he opens a window,” “What’s wrong with your baby?”)  were so unhelpful and offensive for her family.

Few of us will ever know what it’s like to walk in her shoes, but listening is a crucial life skill. It starts by reading books on topics you will (probably) never personally experience and believing what the people who live through it have to say. This was a fantastic book, and I really hope all of my readers give it a try.

What have you been reading?

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, poems, short stories, singing birds, and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Why Vulnerability Doesn’t Really Suck (From a Confessed Sore Loser). This blogger eloquently discusses how scary it is for them to open up emotionally to others. The post is work-safe, but I can’t say the same thing for everything in the archives.

Celladora. Making love is an old-fashioned phrase, but if anything can bring it back in vogue it will be this poem. NSFW.

Dilemma. Should anything be spent on futile care when you live in a society with extremely limited medical resources?

Single Parents: Male and Female via Mediocreventure. My friend Sarah found something depressing while doing Internet searches about single parents. I’ll share some of my results here and rest in the comment section of her post.

Single dads are hot

Single dads are different

Single moms are bad

Single moms are strong

Single moms are selfish

From Call Girl:

For a long time now, private clubs, custom services, and other forms of high–class entertainment haven’t been able to satisfy him. He’s been looking for special experiences, like this girl. The web site described her this way: I sell stories. Special. Expensive. No substitutes. You must come in a beat–up car. You must bring enough money. No matter what happens, you may never come see me again.

From Is Anybody Employable?

 But even my peers are worried if somebody snaps a picture of them holding a beer can at the cottage, dressed in a catsuit at a sci-fi convention, or acting silly with kids at the family reunion. Your creativity, your spontaneity, your whimsy? It’s bad for the company’s image.

And expressing controversial opinions? Are you sure you want to take that kind of risk? After all, it’s a bad economy. Better to just stay silent if you want to land a job. Better to keep your mouth shut and be glad for the work you’ve got.

It’s out of hand. Technology gives employers aspects to things that don’t belong in the professional realm – our adolescent diaries, our family photo albums, the spats we had with friends in junior high.

This is one of the funniest videos I’ve ever watched:

In a Perfect World a whirlwind romance with a widowed pilot would end with everyone living happily ever after, but Jiselle marries Mark and becomes a stepmother to his three children just as the Phoenix Flu ignites.

Longterm readers know I’m a huge fan of scifi and post-apocalyptic fiction but sometimes these genres can be a little dramatic. What I love about In a Perfect World was how subdued the scifi and post-apocalyptic elements were in the story. 

Yes, there is an extremely dangerous flu that is slowly killing off more and more people, but this book is much more interested in the emotional bond forming between Jiselle and her new family than it is in the gruesome effects of a brand new virus.

What have you been reading?

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, poems and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Cadence via vlb. The best description of what it feels like to ride a bike that I’ve ever read. This is one of those poems that drags you feet first into the action and doesn’t let go until its spits you out on the other side!

A Psychological Optical Illusion. I’m a little skeptical of this site’s claims, but the picture is an interesting optical illusion.

Me Against the World, and by World, I Mean Doorknobs. Have you ever walked into a public restroom only to discover that someone has locked the door to one (or more) of the stalls from the inside and then crawled out underneath it? I’ve always assumed this was a dumb juvenile prank, but Megan gives a much more sympathetic explanation for it.

Private Ceremonies. An essay written by an abortion clinic counsellor who miscarried a pregnancy she’d been trying to achieve for a long time. The juxtaposition between her quest to become and stay pregnant and her clients’ need to end their pregnancies was gripping.

Why It’s So Hard to be Good via SatyaRobyn. I love the low pressure approach in this article. There is a real freedom that comes with gently acknowledging areas in your life that could use some improvement without feeling like you have to instantly fix everything and become perfect. (Thanks for sharing this link, Daphne!)

From We Have Always Fought:

Language is a powerful thing, and it changes the way we view ourselves, and other people, in delightful and horrifying ways. Anyone with any knowledge of the military, or who pays attention to how the media talks about war, has likely caught on to this.

If You Find Me is a story about surviving. When Carey was four years old her mother abducted her. For a decade they lived in the woods with virtually no contact with other people. Carey raises her younger sister Jenessa while their mentally ill, drug-addicted mother drifts in and out of their lives. Sometimes the girls spend weeks or months on their own. We first meet Carey and Jenessa when a social worker and their father show up at their dilapidated hut one afternoon.

What I loved about this book was Carey’s reaction to the simplest pleasures in life: a kind word, a clean shirt, or a plate full of anything other than beans (which was often all their mom fed them).

What have you been reading?

Photo by BKP.

 Note: Seph at The Woven, Jewels at According to Jewels, and I are blogging about this question today. We purposefully did not share our responses with one another ahead of time. After you’ve finished this post go check out their blogs! I can’t wait to see what they have to say about this topic.

My one word answer: penises.

Half of the population has one, but no one wants to be surprised by one while in a vulnerable position.

What is it about penises that western society finds so frightening, you ask?

North American men are assumed to be predators until proven otherwise. From advertisements to pop songs to abstinence-only sex education, we learn early on in life that men’s sex drives are strong and difficult to control. Men are stereotyped as people constantly interested in sex who would do almost anything to sleep with someone new.

Allowing men and women to use the same bathroom, then, would send dangerously mixed signals

While defecation would almost certainly take place in the stalls, most men’s rooms also have urinals. In mixed gender bathrooms women run the risk of seeing stray penises every time nature calls. If men’s sexuality is as unpredictable and dangerous as we’ve been taught, then, this is an invitation for sexual assault.

After all, you have to unbutton your pants or lift your dress or skirt in order to urinate, and much more skin must be shown when you defecate. People fear that some folks won’t be able to differentiate between undressing to void your bladder and doing so for sexual purposes.

As we’re also fed the lie that rape is completely “preventable” if you take the correct steps, sending men and women into the same bathroom is an untenable position.

What I find really interesting about these arguments is that they assume everyone is heterosexual, only men can be rapists, and only women can be raped. No other possibilities are considered. This is a good thing in the sense that sexual orientation has absolutely nothing to do with needing to use the bathroom, but it seems odd that our cultural hangups are so specific.

Readers, what do you think?

Photo by Lamont Yoder.

Just tuning in? Catch up with parts one, two, three, four,  five,  six,  seven, and eight of this story.

Two adults in their late teens stood up and approached the table.  Daphne forced herself to take long, deep breaths as the trial began. Her heart thumped so wildly she was sure the other ombudsmen could hear it.

“I understand you two are separating?” Lucio said.  They nodded. Separations were rarely cause for involving the legal system, but both Kiva and Gabriel wanted sole custody of their toddler.

“It didn’t work out,” Kiva said. “I’m going home to Prescott, and I want to take Julius with me.” After her mother’s death Kiva assumed the responsibility of raising a house full of boisterous younger siblings while their father managed the crops and goats.  When she met Gabriel on a diplomatic mission four years ago she thought he was her ticket to adulthood, but she was working harder now than she ever had before. Kiva had lived in Mingus Valley for three lonely, exhausting years and was looking forward to going home again. Her siblings were older and more independent now. Maybe she could even get her younger brothers to care for Julius so she could go back to travelling on occasional town business with their mayor?

“He belongs with me,” Gabriel said. “If she takes him away I’ll only see my son a few times a year, and fathers have a right to their children.” It was true he’d left most of the physical labour of raising a baby up to Kiva and the other women in the family, but now that the boy was walking and talking Gabriel had begun looking forward to seeing what his son learned next. In a few years Julius would even be old enough to begin working alongside his parents.

Lucio asked the plaintiff, defendant, and the rest of the public to wait outside while the ombudsmen debated in private. Aunt Lucy sighed and poured herself a glass of water as Lucio and Daphne dragged their chairs closer to her.

“I don’t know why we’re debating this,” she said. “The law is clearly on Gabriel’s side here. Women have the right to petition for a divorce, but men are always awarded custody of the children.”

“Well, not always,” Lucio said, glancing at Daphne. “There have been cases where mothers keep their children.”

“Only in extenuating circumstances,” Aunt Lucy sniffed. “Gabriel might be young, but there’s no evidence of him harming the child. He would have his mother and sister to help out, but Kiva would raise Julius and her last few siblings with no guidance from anyone.” Daphne felt a fine layer of perspiration form on her forehead.  She had to say something.

“I raised my boys alone,” she said in a deceptively quiet voice. “It wasn’t always easy, but they’ve turned out ok. I think Kiva should keep her son.”

“Well, you had the option to give them more parents,” Aunt Lucy said. “Would it have been so bad to live with MacArthur?” An old anger sizzled in Daphne’s chest.

“I think we – ” Lucio said before Daphne cut off his train of thought.

“Yes,” she said just a little too loud. “He never thinks the rules apply to him, and he has no problem manipulating people into doing things they’d never do otherwise.”

“There’s no need to dredge up the past,” Lucio squeaked into the conversation before Aunt Lucy interrupted him again.

“You could have said no if you didn’t like the terms of his arrangement,” she said. “You didn’t have to eat his food or drag his name through the mud when you realized there was a baby on the way. He would have taken care of you.”

“It was either that or starve!” Daphne said as her anger boiled over. “He knew Naomi and I didn’t have any food left and were too weak to hunt, and he took advantage of that. I couldn’t let my children be raised by someone that selfish or cruel!” If she lived to be as old as Aunt Lucy she’d never forget what it felt like to realize his offer was all that was standing between her and almost certain death when drought destroyed almost all of her crops that fateful spring.

“Let’s bring this back to the matter at hand,” Lucio said.

“No, I’m done debating,” Daphne said. “I vote for the boy to return home with his mother. His father can always move with them if he’s that attached to the child.”

“That isn’t what the law dictates,” Aunt Lucy said. “Kiva gave no compelling evidence that she should be awarded custody, so I can’t agree with breaking with tradition on this case.” Daphne stood up and shook the wrinkles out of her skirt.

“I have to agree with Aunt Lucy,” Lucio said. “I know it’s difficult to separate your experiences from this case, Daphne, but the court made an exception for you. We can’t make exceptions for every flighty woman who changes her mind.” In his most private thoughts he agreed with Daphne, but Lucio believed that their responsibility as ombudsmen was to preserve traditions, not tear them down.

Daphne slammed her chair underneath the table and flung the front door open as she stormed out of the courtroom.  The crowd parted as she stomped her way home. In her anger she didn’t even notice the soldiers standing at the edge of the crowd.