Suggestion Saturday: December 7, 2013

Here is this week’s list of blog posts and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

SaritaAgerman is looking for Atheist, Agnostic, and Humanist perspectives on Christmas. Please contact her through Twitter if you’re willing to answer some questions.

Being My Friend Does Not Make You A Hero.  What a great post.

From You’ll Have to Kill a Child but at Least You’ll Look Good Doing It:

The Capitol is actually a source of pain, oppression, and fear for Katniss, her family, her friends, and the people of Panem. The Capitol are the enemy: its citizens are vapid, selfish, exploitative, narcissistic and worst of all apathetic; they don’t care about where their new dress comes from or who is making their dinner or how many children died making their new emerald necklace; they live in such excess that they purge between meals at parties while the people who sourced that food are starving in the fields; they literally place bets on the deaths of children! We really feel like we can’t drive that one home enough. Like, they just make kids kill each other on live TV and then the kids who survive grow up to be sold into sex slavery or to abuse alcohol as a coping mechanism or to be so PTSD-stricken that they can’t even talk anymore.

Inside the Safe House via jdubqca. I love J. Matthew Waters poems. If you don’t follow his blog already, go dig into it! This poem in particular catapulted me back to the endless afternoons of childhood play.

See You Later, Brother. I cried. Did you?

Why the Stupid Think They’re Smart via TBilich. Here’s another example of how the Dunning-Kruger effect works. If you haven’t heard of that phrase before, don’t worry. It is explained in the post.

Thanksgiving Candles via Jacqueline_Czel. Yes, this is a week late, but it’s still a great poem.

The Light. This photograph reminds me of the Emily Dickinson poem that starts with this stanza:

“ ‘Hope’ is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all -“

 

I sympathize with everything in No Kids: 40 Good Reasons Not to Have Kids, but I ultimately made the decision to never become a mother due to my profound lack of desire to do so. Choosing to bring another person into the world is one of the most important decisions you can make as an adult, and I don’t think it should done unless you’re 100% committed to either spending the next 18 years of your life taking care of them or finding someone else who will take on that role.

People who discover that you’re childfree tend to ask the same questions over and over again. What I like about this book is that it answers them in short, quippy passages that are as funny as they are brutally honest. Now if we could only get versions of this book for LGBT-ers, people who aren’t religious, and other commonly misunderstood groups!

What have you been reading?

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Old Is a State of Mind

Photo by Zzubnik.

Photo by Zzubnik.

Old is thinking you know all of the questions and writing out the answers to them in advance.

Old is refusing to change your answers even if they have nothing to do with the actual questions that present themselves.

Old is being afraid to learn something new, or thinking that you’ll never master it because it’s been so long since you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone. So rather than trying you give up before it even begins.

Old is worrying about getting old.

Old is judging other people by their age. Or gender. Or race. Or sexual orientation. Or class.

Old is shoving yourself and others into boxes based on these things.

Old is parroting what someone else said without ever stopping to consider whether you truly agree with them.

 

All of us will age. Not all of us will grow old.

 

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Let’s Try Emotional Correctness

If the video above doesn’t play, click here.

I find Sally Kohn’s point of view really interesting. I don’t necessarily agree with everything she says, but I’d love to sit down over dinner with her one day and hash out our differences.

If you have five minutes, give this video a try.

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After the Storm: Part Thirty-Four

Photo by Crashsystems.

Photo by Crashsystems.

Just tuning in? Start here.

“Daphne, it’s me,” a deep baritone whispered from the other side of the door. Neither Isaac nor Ephraim’s voices had changed that much since they slowly began transitioning into adulthood, but it’s familiarity eased the drums beating in her chest. The sound of boots grinding into the pebbles outside her front door temporarily distorted what Sean said after that.

Daphne opened the door a crack and peered out into a yard that was rapidly growing dark. A short, young woman with long, dark brown hair stood at the doorstep nervously shifting her weight from one foot to the next.

Raquel flashed a weak smile, her husband standing behind her with a grim expression on his face.

“Come in,” Daphne said. “Is this about my boys?” If her sons had been injured out there it was unlikely anyone would have found them this soon, but Daphne was having trouble imagining what else might have prompted Sean and his newest wife to make such an impromptu visit.

“No, we haven’t heard from them,” the younger woman said with a frown. “What are they doing out there alone?” Daphne explained the state of her cupboards as she invited Sean and Raquel in for some tea. Now that there was nothing left to hoard it was the least she could do.

“There have been a lot of deaths this summer,” Sean said, “and people want to know why they happened.” It was such an obvious statement Daphne wasn’t quite sure why he brought it up. Now that the pace of their daily lives had slowed down to a crawl thanks to the lack of food and the sudden disappearance of the military it was impossible to ignore everything they had lost.

“You know how the old folks are,” he began again.

“Well, not all of them,” Raquel said before he could continue. “But the Harris’ and the Grabers’ think the gods are angry with us.” A thin, white jolt of fear slid down Daphne’s spine. Both extended families included at least one member who had been marked by the gods in some way. The Harris family had a teenage son who had always found it very difficult to learn new things. Jakob spent most of his time repeating the same set of simple chores. The Grabers had a young granddaughter who, like Felix, had been born with heterochromia. Unlike Daphne the Grabers saw it as a warning sign, and with the sickness earlier in the summer and the influx of strangers they had grown even more suspicious.

“Haven’t you tried to speak to them?” Sean was so young that Daphne wasn’t sure if even his in-laws would listen to him, but the fact that he was an ombudsmen was bound to help.

“We wouldn’t be here if they’d listened.”

It had begun then. While the idea that the gods could be appeased with sacrifices was slowly dying out, interest in it sometimes flared up again when nothing else worked.  There were no reliable methods of communicating with the spirits that sometimes guided the affairs of humanity, after all, and one person’s guess was as good as anyone else’s. Doing something felt better than sitting back and hoping things would improve.

“Nevada is with Jakob and the children,” Raquel said, nodding her head toward the hills. It was much easier for two adults to move silently through the foothills than to bring the entire family out into the open with them.”We’re making a run for Peoria, but Sean thought you should know what was happening. They could come for Felix next, especially now that he’s alone.”

Daphne bristled. She’d taken the boy and his family in when no one else would and shared everything she owned with them. He might have been an orphan, but he was hardly alone.

“You know what she means, Daphne,” Sean said. The opinion of a kindly – if also eccentric and rather asocial – neighbour held much less weight in these matters than what his parents would have said if they were still alive.

“You could come with us.” Daphne couldn’t quite tell if he was asking a question or issuing an invitation, but she couldn’t leave without her sons. Even if they returned right away Daphne doubted the mule could carry Paige and herself. Neither of them were able to walk such a long distance alone.

Raquel and Sean nodded understandingly before telling Daphne they were headed as deeply into Peoria as they could travel by sunrise.

“I’ll leave word with Mariposa. Maybe she can send help.”

With that Daphne wished her visitors luck and carefully shut the door behind them. The strange stone was beeping again, although she’d noticed that its screen had slowly begun to dim. She hesitated for a moment, and then decided to bring another bucket of water to the mule before reading the newest letters. The last round had including nothing but a series of depraved jokes that made her roll her eyes before tucking the strange device back into the pantry.

The shed her sons had cleared out for their unexpected visitor was by far the oldest building on Daphne’s land. A hole patched earlier in the year was already beginning to show signs of peeling away, but the creature had so little room to move in the shed that Daphne thought the extra fresh air might be good for her. To be honest Daphne wasn’t entirely sure if mules needed to sleep indoors at all. She had such little experience with them that all she could assume was that they needed the same things people did.

Including a name.

The creature was quiet, peaceful, and dusty brown in colour. She was either still quite shy around her new humans or would always blend into the background so effortlessly.

Dusty?

Effortless?

Lucky?

Eventually Daphne would uncover her name. It just might take a while. She patted the mule’s head and slowly walked back into the house. There was still no sign of her sons, but she had left a little pot of water boiling. If nothing else Daphne would enjoy a strong cup of mint tea as she read a second batch of dirty jokes.

What she wasn’t expecting was that someone else had gotten to them first.

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Suggestion Saturday: November 30, 2013

Here is this week’s list of blog posts and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Life is a Picture, but You Live in a Pixel. Why material possessions and having more money are not the key to longterm happiness. The only thing I would add to this is that it is important to have enough money to cover your basic needs. Sometimes I think that cartoons like that assume everyone in the world is comfortably middle class, and that is clearly not the case.

Dirds. Dog heads photoshopped onto bird bodies are the cutest damn thing I’ve seen in ages. When my husband first showed them to me I squealed.

The Case Against “Fluff” Pieces on WordPress via dlmchale. A sobering reminder for those of us lucky enough to have Internet access. This sort of thing is a giant, flashing red mark in the “god doesn’t exist” and/or “even if there is a god, s/he is anything but benevolent” columns in my book. I can’t fathom how any being with a shred of compassion could overlook so much suffering.

Cowboy Scholars. If I was physically strong enough to keep up with the physical labour I’d give this career a try in a heartbeat.

I Love My Family But Loathe Their Politics. What a powerful essay! Knowing how to carry a conversation without wandering into hot-button issues is an extremely important skill that unfortunately seems least likely to be mastered by those who need it the most. 😛

Texas’ Other Death Penalty. This is absolutely Dicksonian. I wish Canada would welcome all of these patients with open arms. We’re not a perfect country by any means, but at least we don’t allow our own citizens to die from treatable diseases in droves because they’re too poor to afford medication, surgery, or other treatments.

How Feminism Hurts Men. Everything I want to say about this link is spoiler-y. Go read it anyway.


How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick is one of the most useful books I’ve read so far this year. It’s really difficult to know what to say to someone facing a life-threatening or terminal illness, but Ms. Pogrebin explains what she preferred to hear quite clearly. I found it even more interesting to see how opinions varied among all of the other people she surveyed. Some folks loved certain phrases, other despised them. People with serious illnesses aren’t a monolith after all.

What have you been reading?

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Dear Buddha…

Photo by ShakataGaNai.

Photo by ShakataGaNai.

Originally posted on August 5, 2010. Rewritten and revised for Thanksgiving 2013.

A half dozen Thanksgivings ago Drew’s mother, a devout Christian, asked him to lead the family in prayer before we ate. We all bowed our heads and he began to pray,

“Dear Buddha, please bless this food….” 

His sisters and I failed to stop laughing before their parents opened their eyes again. It’s been about six years since his side of the family accidentally prayed to Buddha, and they still haven’t asked Drew to fulfill that particular duty again. 😉

 

Neither Drew nor I are Buddhist and I don’t know why he picked Buddha that night. He has always been honest about his convictions with everyone he meets, though, which often leads an ebb and flow of discussions about faith, philosophy and other topics over dinner. One of the things I really admire about him is how eager he is to discuss these things with anyone willing to join the discussion.

I prefer to stay out of debates. Instead I reveal my beliefs and identities over time as they pop up in conversation. If a certain topic happens to come up in our first conversation, great! If not, no worries.

This isn’t about hiding anything…I’m just much more comfortable letting people figure me out over time rather than handing them the official list of Things You Didn’t Know About Me ™ the first time we meet. Many of us, myself included, carry around strange, preconceived notions about certain groups, especially if they haven’t known very many people from that group before. It’s  easier to dislodge some of these ideas if others know you as an individual before they figure you that you’re also [fill-in-the-blank ].

Respond

What has been your most memorable experience at a family gathering so far? What topics do you hope to avoid this Thanksgiving?

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November 2013 Search Engine Questions

Sometimes readers find this blog with unusual search terms and questions. Here are my responses to the ones that showed up this month.

Wyoming heat wave. I remember wishing for air conditioning a handful of times in the four years my family lived in Wyoming. In general summer weather is warm and beautiful in Wyoming, though.

Why don’t doctors wear makeup? Some folks don’t like it.

Prince ōkuninushi. To the best of my knowledge I’ve never mentioned this man on my blog, yet searching for him leads people here anyway.

How hard it is not celebrating Christmas? Christmas is mostly for kids, so as a childfree adult I’m happy to treat it like any other day. Well, other than buying soy eggnog. That stuff is delicious.

Does anyone know what the name Bruxy means? Not as far as I can tell.

What are the risks of multi-gender bathrooms? Waiting in line for a shorter amount of time.

How does “The Reason I Jump” end? The final entry is unusually poignant. Naoki has come to some surprising conclusions about human society based on how we treat our most vulnerable members. It brought a tear to my eye, but what really sealed my interest in this book was what happens next. Just before his entry ends Naoki describes an alarming condition that has recently popped up all over the globe. Those who suffer from it develop cataracts and cold, grey skin, are highly aggressive, have no visible reaction to even severe injuries or pain, and seem to have an insatiable need to consume human flesh. There are rumours claiming victims die before somehow reanimating, but the local newscasters assures everyone this isn’t scientifically possible.

Governments all around the world have begun temporarily shutting down schools, public transit, shopping malls, movie theatres, and all other non-essential businesses. Civilians have been strongly urged to stay in their homes until further notice. The last thing Naoki notes in his journal before abandoning it is that some of the afflicted have broken police barricades and are slowly shuffling toward the elementary school.

Or, you know, you could read it for yourself instead of expecting Internet strangers to either spoil it for everyone or tell you a tall tale.  😉

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After the Storm: Part Thirty-Three

Photo by Wolfgang Sauber.

Photo by Wolfgang Sauber.

Just tuning in? Start here.

The strange contraption continued to beep at regular intervals. Once again Daphne was glad she had insisted her sons know how to read as both Isaac and Ephraim took turns attempting to decipher the strange messages. It would have been exhausting to figure it out herself day after day, especially when half of the words were gibberish. Internet. Survey. Sale. Aluminum. Biosphere. Election. Daphne had never heard of any of them.

Reports of the strange disease slowly became more frequent on the unofficial channels, although no one noted any additional mentions in the daily briefs that came from higher up the organizational chain. Instead there were birth announcements, jokes, and references to games Daphne had never heard of before.

“It’s like they’re a nation of children,” she said with a wry grin after reading yet another description of one of the games the strangers took so seriously. It was one thing to kick or throw a ball around as a child, but she’d never heard of adults taking such a thing so seriously before. She wondered if they also still believed that the Tooth Fairy would steal them away to the underworld if they forgot to leave her their baby teeth the night after each one dropped out. Daphne had secretly enjoyed frightening her sons with that story, especially once they grew old enough to ask her logical questions about what faeries did with teeth and how they lived in black, cold caves without any food, heat, or light.

The next week was oddly quiet. Esther Penn never made it to her next visit, and when Daphne asked Ephraim to quietly scout the surrounding area to see if any soldiers were passing by he returned with nothing to report day after day. It was almost as if they’d disappeared from the face of the earth, although Daphne knew it was just as possible that they’d altered their routines once again. The visitors were nothing if not inconsistent.

It was just as well. Their food stores had just run out, and the herbs Daphne had dried for tea were nearly gone as well. The hollow time of year required all of one’s attention.

For a moment Daphne considered eating the mule, but her deep aversion to red meat and every step of the butchering process as well as her complete inability to replace the animal if anyone found out where it had been taken made her pause. They’d buried the body deeply enough that it was unlikely ever to be discovered, but the penalty for stealing such a valuable creature was enormous. Daphne soon let the mule wander around the property instead and started wondering if she should give the creature a name. She ate anything she could find, which at this time of year wasn’t much, and other than Lemon there was nothing the mule encountered that she found particularly interesting or terrifying. None of these traits immediately pointed to a name for the strange creature. Perhaps it would come with time.

Daphne had forgotten how often children needed to eat, but autumn was nearly here. Surely they could all find something else to fill their bellies soon. Wilma and Felix quickly made their displeasure known when they realized that even their one reliable meal of the day had dried up. Daphne tried to get them to fill up on weak tea, but neither child was interested in the taste of any of the herbs she still had in her pantry. In desperation Daphne mixed several of them together into a kind of cold soup for the children.

“This smells like medicine,” Felix said, wrinkling his nose.

“That’s because it’s only for grownups,” Ephraim said as he slid the bowl away from the boy who had picked it up. Felix watched warily as Ephraim’s lips touched the water and he pretended to drink.  “You wouldn’t like it anyway.” The boy wasn’t entirely convinced, but an hour later when Daphne offered him another batch of medicine soup he at least was willing to swallow a few gulps of it.

Since their return Paige had slowly stopped interjecting herself into the decisions Daphne made about their everyday lives. She still followed Daphne from the kitchen to the bedroom, but she left the childcare and discipline up to the younger members of the household. Sometimes Paige stared off into the corner, and once when she didn’t realize anyone was watching Daphne caught her silently mouthing something to the cobwebs.

“Lemon, come with me,” Isaac said. The lethargic dog lifted his head and whined. “I know you hate this, mom, but we’re going to see if Lemon can catch any rabbits. I’ll keep an eye out for edible plants, too.” Ephraim nodded and stood to join his brother.

Daphne felt old arguments bubble up in her chest, but each one popped before it reached her lips. At this time of year it was unlikely they’d catch or gather anything. Her more traditional son didn’t see the point in sitting around doing nothing when the food ran out. At least a rabbit would fill them up for one meal, and it would give the boys something constructive to do in the meantime.

Flavoured tea was a temporary distraction from their hunger, but Daphne knew it wouldn’t last for long. After her sons left for the hunt she invited the children to sit on her bed as she told them old stories about an impossibly strong hero who travelled from another world to save this one. Like Felix and Wilma he had been raised by people who weren’t his biological relatives, but unlike them he grew up knowing virtually nothing about where he came from or why certain rocks made him feel so weak.

It was such a good tale that Daphne didn’t register the crunch of boots in her front yard or the low murmur of voices until moments after someone began quietly wiggling her front doorknob.

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Delayed Post

Part thirty-three of After the Storm is taking longer than I anticipated to finish up. It will be posted tomorrow. My apologies for the delay.

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Suggestion Saturday: November 23, 2013

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, Q&As, short stories,  and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

I know this post is longer than normal, but I couldn’t bear pushing anything to the end of the month. My readers need all of these excellent links this weekend!

Polly Answers Your Questions via Brucegerencser. Bruce finally convinced his wife, Polly, to answer some reader questions. I hope this will become a regular column on his blog. It’s so interesting to hear things from her point of view. A lot of marriages wouldn’t have survived all of the transitions these two have weathered.

Bubble on a Mud Puddle via JexShinigami. An imaginative short story that I can’t say anything else about without risking spoilers.

Do You Need to Eat That? I really dislike it when one person criticizes what someone else is (or isn’t) eating. This article provides a long list of ways to handle obnoxious behaviour like this without telling the reader that there’s only one right answer here. In the past I’ve ignored these comments, but I’m seriously thinking about switching up my responses in the near future.

Interview with Alara Branwen. Alara is the author of a series of short stories about romantic interludes between dinosaurs and prehistoric women. In this interview she describes how she stumbled upon this highly unusual niche and why she finds it so interesting. No, this isn’t satire or a trick of some sort. She honestly does write dinosaur romances. What I find really interesting is how comfortable Alara is with the  campy-ness of her stories. I can think of a lot of other creative folks whose work would be much better if they publicly acknowledged that sometimes they create stuff that’s kind of silly.

He Was Arrested 20 Times for This…but I Think It’s Totally Worth It! via KenKaminesky. I have no reason to believe in ghosts, but I’ve been intrigued by abandoned buildings for a long time. There’s something sad and slightly bittersweet about walking through or past a building that was once filled with people. It’s even worse with houses because I imagine all of the triumphs and tragedies of daily life brushing against those walls over the years. And now all they hear is silence.

She Deserved My Undeterred Love. One of the most powerful things I’ve read in 2013. Possibly NSFW.

From Pernicious Hope:

The work of psychotherapy is often to chase down Pernicious Hope in all its daemonic and slippery aspects. To capture it, examine it, to challenge and question its true mission, to find out which god this Hope actually obeys.

To exorcise it.

From Naked Joe:

One hundred years ago, Joe Knowles stripped down to his jockstrap, said goodbye to civilization, and marched off into the woods to prove his survival skills. He was the reality star of his day. For eight weeks, rapt readers followed his adventures in the Boston Post, for whom he was filing stories on birch bark. When he finally staggered out of the wild, looking like a holdover from the Stone Age, he returned home to a hero’s welcome. That’s when things got interesting.


Did you know that sugar was once used as a medicine? Sweet Tooth delves into the history and sociology of candy. With the holiday season quickly approaching most of us are going to be surrounded by sugar for the next six weeks or so.  As much fun as it is to eat it, I found even more pleasure in learning how generations past made, ate, and thought about sweets.

History isn’t only about war, religion, and disease. You can learn a lot about a culture based on their attitudes on mundane, everyday experiences like buying sugared medicine for sick loved one or picking out treats for your kids.

The only thing I didn’t like about this book was the author’s memories of the candy she ate as a child because it was a little repetitive. It would have been more interesting to hear stories from people who came from a wide range of ages and backgrounds. Some families have a constant supply of candy around, others never allow their children to eat it. And even what is considered good candy varies quite a bit based on the culture and class you grew up in.

What have you been reading?

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