Small Kindnesses Blogsplash
Today I’m participating in a synchroblog on small kindnesses to help Fiona Robyn celebrate the release of her new book.
I was 11 years old the first time it happened.
Pain blots away the past and future. There was only one moment that had ever existed and it was wrapped up in an intestine-curling, breath-stealing, sweat-beading illness that swooped into my life without warning.
Eventually an elimination diet helped me realize that my body was having serious issues with milk products. The less I ate dairy products the better I felt but rural Ohio in the 1990s was not an easy place to have food allergies.
There were few milk alternatives back then and even fewer people who understood that people with food allergies aren’t being picky.
Enter Mrs. C., my computer science and word processing teacher. At the end of the year she was also a chaperone for a field trip I went on with a dozen classmates. On the way home she treated us to ice cream. There was nothing on the menu I could eat so I quietly didn’t order anything.
She noticed right away and asked me why I wasn’t eating. I told her about my allergy and she grew quiet.
The field trip was on a Friday. That following Monday she called me to her desk at the end of class and gave me some colourful sticky notepads. She said she was sorry I couldn’t have ice cream but that I deserved some kind of treat.
I was so touched that she’d thought of me and gone out of her way to be inclusive.
Even all these years later her kindness makes me smile.
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How to Rediscover Your Sense of Wonder
With his permission today I’m blogging a response to a semi-recent tweet from @mike_friesen :
Somedays, I wonder how I can rediscover the beauty seen through the eyes of a child without the naivete. I want wonder and awe with wisdom. [sic]
This is what I’d recommend:
1. Stop watching commercials. There’s something about advertising that seems to dull creativity and playfulness. Instead of being happy with what I do have commercials make me think I need stuff that five minutes ago I didn’t even want. This doesn’t mean you have to stop watching your favourite shows…just hit the mute button, fast-forward through them or go take a washroom break.
2. Show someone around. Last week my uncle was in town. Drew and spent an afternoon with him walking around some of the best part of Toronto and it was amazing to me how many details of our city that I stopped noticing a long time ago surprised or amused him.
3. Read a book. As much of a cliche as this is to type a good story can transport you to worlds you never even knew existed. Need author suggestions? Leave a comment and I’ll see what I can do.
Photo by A4gpa.
4. Go for a walk and ask questions. Why was(n’t) that building torn down? Who chose the name of this street? To where does this trail lead? What scent is tickling my dog’s nose? There are so many untold stories on even the most ordinary walk.5.
5. Seek out kindred spirits. That is, spend more time with the people in your life who understand what you’re doing and less with those who think you’re being childish or silly. Any adult who thinks being practical and not asking too many questions is the best response to the mysteries of life isn’t someone with whom I’d want to spend a great deal of time anyway.
“Miss Barry was a kindred spirit after all,” Anne confided to Marilla, “You wouldn’t think so to look at her, but she is. . . Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
Respond
What would you tell Mike?
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Suggestion Saturday: November 24, 2012
Here is this week’s list of blog posts, comic strips, letters and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.
From a beautiful letter written by W.E.B. Du Bois to his 14-year old daughter:
Above all remember: your father loves you and believes in you and expects you to be a wonderful woman.
I am a Delight. If this comic strip was a t-shirt I’d be so excited to wear it.
From Why Do Some People Never Want to Get Married?
It is not that marriage isn’t a wonderful thing for many people, but that the alternative life of choosing to pass on being in a long term committed relationship is very much misunderstood. Many people associate a lack of desire to marry or commit to a long term relationship with a fear of getting hurt, selfishness and/or shallowness, or eventual unfulfillment. Perhaps in some cases this is true, but many times this is a very false assessment.
What Happens to Women Denied Abortions? This is the First Scientific Study to Find Out. I’ve never been pregnant and have no idea what it’s like to walk in these women’s shoes. It will be interesting to see how both groups of women do over the long haul, though. Will there be such big differences between women who were denied abortions and those who were able to get them in 5, 10, 20 years?
Not At All Costs. A list of reasons to stay in a struggling relationship. No, I’m not having marriage problems! 🙂 I simply appreciate this blogger’s perspective as often articles about troubled romances focus on red flags. It’s refreshing to see the topic approached from a different point of view.
Intimate Portraits That Capture Emotion on the Faces and Figures of Animals. The title says it all.
Imagine if you discovered a parallel earth. In The Crack in Space humans are on the brink of disaster. The social and environmental conditions are so bad that seventy million people – most of whom are young, poor, and non-caucasian – have been cryogenically frozen. Some of the characters in this book want to send all of the frozen people to the presumably empty new earth. Others want to use it as a personal oasis.
And then we discover that this parallel earth is inhabited after all.
What have you been reading?
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U.S. Thanksgiving Retreat
I have no idea how well this will work but as a good percentage of my readers come from the U.S. I thought I’d try something new.
Many of you are spending the day with family eating traditional Thanksgiving fare. Today this blog is your retreat from the festivities. Want to rant about that one relative who always wants to turn family reunions into political debates? Got a funny story about the kids or pets in your life? Do you love this simulation as much as I do?
Consider this an open thread. Let’s talk about anything and everything!
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Haircuts vs. Human Rights
Faith McGregor walked into the Terminal Barber Shop on Bay St. in June to get a haircut…Shop co-owner Omar Mahrouk told her his Muslim faith prohibits him from touching a woman who is not a member of his family. All the other barbers said the same thing.
Local readers have no doubt already heard about this case. Faith is taking her complaint to the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario and it will be interesting to see what happens with it in the near future.
Photo by Corpse Reviver.
Some Torontonians worry that if the tribunal decides the Terminal Barber Shop can refuse service to a woman because of her gender it will begin to roll back the effects of the Human Rights Code of Ontario. (U.S. readers should note that Canadian laws and culture in this area are a little different from what one finds in the States. Please click on the link for more information.)
Others think it’s wrong for the barbers to be forced to do something against their religious beliefs. There are plenty of other barbershops in Toronto that don’t have a problem cutting a woman’s hair. Why not just take your business elsewhere?
What I find incredible about this case is how much attention it’s received so far. In a city as sprawling and multicultural as Toronto surely this issue has come up before. Need a prescription to be filled or a medical procedure to be completed? I’m all for insisting that pharmacists and doctors either do it themselves or ensure you’re quickly referred to someone who is able to look after you. Outside of the medical field I think there’s a little more leeway, though.
If general-your religious beliefs prohibit you from touching women outside of your family why not hire one person to work in your shop who is comfortable with it? Or find a nearby competitor who is happy to take some of your business?
I’d gladly walk a few extra blocks for a 10-20% discount on a haircut. In fact, I’d give good word-of-mouth advertising to both shops if they were friendly, helpful and apologetic about the hassle. This way everyone wins – the customer gets a good deal, the competitor gets extra money in his or her till and the original barber doesn’t have to disobey his god.
With that being said I also understand Faith’s point of view. Being a woman is difficult enough without having to walk down the street and guess which businesses are willing to serve you. Open to the public shouldn’t be restricted to 50% of the population any more than it should be reinterpreted to mean only for a certain religious or ethnic group.
What I don’t see is why this has to be a legal battle.
Respond
Am I missing something here? What do you think? What local news stories have puzzled you lately?
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Suggestion Saturday: November 17, 2012
Here is this week’s list of blog posts, quotes, recipes, photographs and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.
Never shave too much off of yourself to fit into something. You are fine how you are. Sometimes the holes you try to fill just don’t fit. – @CoyoteSings
Peacefic. An interesting idea for the writers out there.
Imitation Pasta and Cheese. After a long hiatus my friend Teresa is back to blogging! Go check out her blog for vegan and vegetarian recipes. This one uses a surprising ingredient to reinvent macaroni and cheese for people who don’t or can’t eat cheese.
An Open Letter to the AGO About Frida Kahlo’s Unibrow. In local news some Torontonians are unhappy with the Art Gallery of Ontario advertising their new Frida Kahlo gallery by encouraging visitors to wear unibrows. I don’t know what I think about it all yet. What are your thoughts?
She’s Beautiful When She’s Angry. I’m rooting for this documentary on the rise of the Women’s Liberation Movement to raise enough money to be made. The western world seems to be forgetting how terrible life was 50-60 years ago for women. Even if you aren’t old enough to remember a society in which help wanted ads were segregated by gender, you had to show a marriage license to get birth control and women weren’t allowed to sign up for a credit card without their husband’s approval your mother or grandmother lived through this. This is not ancient history.
Travelling Colours: Great Salt Lake. Achingly beautiful aerial shots of Utah’s Great Salt Lake.
From How to Overcome Your Biggest Phobia:
A lot of people have phobias. And phobias aren’t just everyday worries—they’re serious, intense fears that sometimes (or often) interfere with day-to-day life….But new research shows that there’s a quick and simple way to temper any type of phobia. All it involves is a certain kind of self-talk.
The Book of Mormon Girl is a funny reminder that childhood influences are not easily forgotten. In it Joanna Brooks tells the story of her Mormon upbringing and how even though she no longer agrees with many of the things she was taught she still deeply appreciates the good it brought into her life.
Joanna, if you ever read this and are visiting the Toronto area this former preacher’s kid would love to meet up for a cup of tea and swap stories with you!
What have you been reading this week?
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Wild Card Wednesday: Project Unspoken
This is a video about the things men and women do on a daily basis to prevent being sexually assaulted.
The men do almost nothing. Each woman has a long, detailed list.
I find this so fascinating and never would have guessed that men don’t think about stuff like walking in groups whenever possible, being hyper aware of their surroundings in dark or lightly populated areas, or keeping a close eye on your beverage at parties.
To me this is such automatic behaviour that I’m stunned to hear they aren’t universal actions. This is in no way to say that I believe people who have been sexually assaulted are in any way to blame for what happened to them.
It was just quite eye-opening to see the gender differences in this video. I’d love to hear your stories in the comment section. Have you noticed similar differences in your circles of friends?
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How to Celebrate the Holidays When You Don’t Have an Extended Family
A new reader recently found this blog by searching for this phrase. It’s a great question, one in which is just as applicable for people who live far away from or haven’t formed a close or healthy relationship with their extended family.
My family moved several times when I was growing up. For four years we lived on the opposite side of the country as all of our extended family members. When I was a teenager we often ended up attending three or four dinners in order to visit everyone over the holidays.
As an adult I decided to move to another country in order to marry the man that I loved. His parents and siblings don’t celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas so most of time we’re on our own. In other words, I have quite a bit of experience celebrating holidays with and without extended family.
It was a little lonely at first but now I’m perfectly content with our two-person holidays. As much as I love travelling to the U.S. every few years over Christmas there’s something to be said for a quiet day at home on the off years.
The trick is to figure out what makes you happiest. Do you want to be alone over the holidays? Is spending time with one or two other people your sweet spot? Or maybe you want to squeeze as many friends around your dining room table as possible?I can’t answer these questions for you but I can offer up a few concrete ideas as you make plans for the next six weeks:
Go commune with the trees. If the weather is nice go for a long walk. Even in the winter nature is full of surprises and there’s nothing I love more than disappearing into a quiet park, desert or forest for a little while to see what it has to offer me today.
Find people in the same circumstances. Trust me, you are not the only person who will be celebrating alone or only with your nuclear family this year. If you need someone or several someones with whom to spend the day pay attention to what your coworkers, neighbours, fellow volunteers or acquaintances say over the next several weeks.
Photo by Boby Dimitrov.
Start a new tradition. Make your favourite meal. Volunteer somewhere. Pop a fresh bowl of popcorn and rent the least (or most!) holiday-related movie you can imagine. Go see what restaurants are open in your city. Play board games. Stay in bed all day with your significant other – what you two do in there is no one’s business but your own. 😉
Try something new. This tip depends on where you live but here in Toronto there are people from so many different cultures and religions that most holidays are not actually universal. Some areas of the city shut down on Christmas. Others are so heavily populated by groups who don’t consider it holy or special that December 25 is treated just like any other day. Restaurants in these neighbourhoods remain open and provide a wonderful opportunity to try new dishes.
Respond
How are you planning to celebrate the holidays this year?
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Suggestion Saturday: November 10, 2012
Here is this week’s list of blog posts, and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.
Cat Bounce via my aunt @JackieWyse. It’s exactly what it sounds like.
I’m So Glad I Was Wrong. One man’s experience with returning to his rural hometown for the first time after transitioning from female to male. Some Torontonians I know who have always lived in the city have terribly classist ideas about small town life. Just because I moved away doesn’t mean I hate my roots or agree with the prejudiced stuff people say about rural communities. If only I could take my “city mouse” friends on a tour of Northwest Ohio. I think they’d be pleasantly surprised.
DIY Self-Care: Make-It-Better-Box. What a great idea!
From A Skeptic on a Ghost Hunt:
I didn’t actually tell anyone that I was a skeptic, of course. In fact, I really, really, REALLY wanted something unexplainable to happen. I’m a little bit Scully and a little bit Mulder like that. The ghost hunter groups were very nice and friendly, and most of the people who showed up really didn’t know what to expect.
How Can We Stop Pedophiles? I suspect the answer to this question would also help people in many other areas of life as well.
The Rhetoric of Inclusiveness. This makes me so glad I was homeschooled for the first several years of elementary school.
Have you ever made a decision you grew to deeply regret? As a child Gittel witnesses something horrific happen to her friend Devory but says nothing because of the code of silence in their strict religious community. Eishes Chayil’s Hush is about the secrets we keep, the truth we bend and what happens when it begins to come to the surface.
What have you been reading?
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