Has the Internet Destroyed Our Social Skills?

Over the last week I’ve stumbled across multiple articles and blog posts that claim the Internet is destroying our social skills.

There is no denying that the Internet changed how we communicated with friends and family in faraway cities in an instant. I’ve reconnected with people I haven’t seen in person for 10 or 15 years because of email, social networking sites and search engines. So far all of the old friends and acquaintances with whom I’ve wanted to catch up have appeared online at some point. This is incredible.

The marrow of today’s discussion:

Has the Internet negatively affected our social skills?

Some of the articles I linked to earlier claim that we were kinder and  knew how to get along with one another better before people began spending so much time socializing online.

Is this true?

I was a few months shy of 16 before my family signed up for Internet access. Most of the communities we lived in during those years were small, rural and midwestern.  In my experience a small percentage of the population will always be malignantly unfriendly but most people are wonderful most of the time. This was as true 20 years ago as it was last week. The biggest difference between life before the Internet and what we have now is that it’s easier now to choose with whom we spend our time. This is a good thing. My life would have been much more difficult if I hadn’t been able to connect with like-minded people. (Living in a small town of circles can be achingly lonely when you’re a square peg!)

To be honest, though, I was so young when I first plugged in that I may not be remembering things correctly. Maybe people really were better socialized in the 90s, 80s, 70s, etc. Maybe we really are losing those skills by spending too much time online.

Respond

What was life like before you discovered the Internet? Did people as a whole have better interpersonal skills a generation ago?

Are we romanticizing the past?

(I’m particularly interesting in hearing from those of you who did not grow up with Internet access!)

 

 

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Suggestion Saturday: April 9, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, videos, comics and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

The Stars Died for You. I’ve never thought about physics this way before. The last line is completely unnecessary but the clip as a whole is well worth watching.

Best Friend Injustice and the Hardships of Polygamy. The concept of having one and only one best friend is so bizarre. Yes, sometimes we grow closer to one person than we do to another. There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t understand why there can only be one, though, or why it needs a special word to describe it. Why not let each friendship evolve naturally into the form it was meant to take?

Positive TV. What if there was a television channel dedicated to telling us that we’re wonderful?

The Changing U.S. Food Supply. If only these graphs had compared eating habits across socioeconomic lines and with the habits of similar countries (Canada, for example!). Looking at what the “average” American eats is interesting but it’s hard to place these facts in context without more information.

I just started reading Freak Angels, a free web comic about 12 teenagers living in a post-apocalyptic world.

What have you been reading?

 

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Every Mind Boggles

Today I wanted to talk about a few things that boggle my mind.

Thing One

The Land of Painted Caves was released last week. I’ve been reading and rereading this series for over 15 years and am looking forward to it finally being wrapped up.

What originally drew me into the story was its exploration of the tension between personal autonomy and belonging to a community. Being part of a group requires certain compromises over time. Some are mild, others utterly life-changing.

I wonder, though, if someone born and raised in a collectivistic society would struggle with this the way those of us who live in individualistic cultures do at times? My best guess: no.

It’s impossible to think about this without applying my cultural conditioning or values to it, though. I can’t imagine what it would be like to spend an entire lifetime believing that the common good or the needs of the group were always more important than what I wanted or needed.

(This does not mean that I think there’s anything wrong with collectivist societies. It’s simply so far removed from how I grew up that my brain struggles to understand the how and why of what they value most.)

Thing Two

If one wants to make wisecracks about his or her own disability, rape, impending death or how he or she narrowly escaped the latest natural disaster I’ll still fail to see the humour in it but won’t be offended.

Making fun of other people’s suffering, though, is the fastest way to enrage me (especially when object of the “joke” is someone vulnerable.)

Thing Three

Ostensibly serious news organizations that report on what celebrities are wearing, eating, saying or doing.

Respond

What boggles your mind?

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Plan B, C and D

Twenty years ago my parents pastored a small church in Laramie, Wyoming.

Spring was a fickle season. One week a mid-spring blizzard wiggles down the mountains but when the snow melts scores of wildflowers yawn through the soil. The weather shifted so often that it was nearly impossible to guess at breakfast what the temperature would be like after lunch.

The closer we inched into late spring and early summer the less this was true, of course, but after seven or eight months of snow people do grow restless. Maybe this was why church attendance slumped when the weather grew more reliable?

Occasionally Sunday morning would come and go without anyone outside of our nuclear family showing up for church.We always waited for them. A few times one or two people did show up late and Dad would proceed with the worship music and sermon he had prepared the night before.

When no one came we did other stuff. Dad might sing favourite songs with us or the entire family may have gone to a local park. To be honest I don’t remember all of our alternate plans for those few hours, only that there was always a plan B, C and D if the original one didn’t work out.

Today’s questions are purposefully vague. Apply them to anything and everything. I’ve been asking “what if this doesn’t work out the way I think it will?” for years and have only had to fall back onto alterative plans a few times. It feels better to be prepared, though.

Have you made back-up plans? Have you ever needed to use one or more of them? What happens if those plans also don’t work out?

 

 

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Suggestion Saturday: April 2, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, photos, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

The WikiCommons page for the photo on the left says that this piece could be a representation of Isis mourning Osiris or that she could be a human woman in mourning. The emotion behind it is achingly powerful either way.

Passing for the Ruling Class. Why is it still considered shameful to be perceived as working class or poor?

How NASA Photoshops Hubble Images. I never knew that Hubble images were doctored before they are released. I wonder how close the colours on the photos are to what various astronomical bodies and phenomenon would look like if we were floating next to them?

Lottery Simulator. A widget that shows how much money you could make by playing the same lottery numbers every week.

My Parents Were Awesome. It’s odd to think that there was a time when my parents weren’t parents at all. Intellectually I know they had wonderful lives before I showed up, of course, but it’s still strange to imagine a world in which you and I didn’t exist (yet).

I’m Looking For Your Thoughts. Drew is working on a book and is requesting  input from non-traditional Christians. Click on the link for more information.

What I’ve been (re)reading: The Ghosts of New York.Check it out even if you’re not generally interested in supernatural or ghost stories. It doesn’t rely on many of the tropes that are usually trotted out in these genres.

What have you been reading?

 

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9 Ways to Recharge Your Energy

Labels are tricky things. They can quickly communicate an identity or complicated set of ideas in a word or phrase. They can also box us into roles that only sometimes actually fit.

Today let’s talk about some alternative ways to recharge personal energy for people who usually do so by spending time alone. If I was discussing this with someone who had never known this need I’d use terms like introvert and extrovert and gloss over the idea that many people switch between the two in certain circumstances. I’d like to talk around these terms, though. Even people who usually are energized by being part of a crowd will either occasionally need to be alone or need to brainstorm other ways to recharge.

Sometimes one needs time alone in places or situations where it isn’t easy to carve out that space. Maybe you’re the primary caregiver for one or more small children, have a demanding, fast-paced job, are sharing a hotel room with three other people on a vacation or are trapped by a spring snowstorm in a remote cabin somewhere.

Here are some of the things I’d try to help prevent becoming (temporarily) burned out on people if I wasn’t able to have time alone:

  • Ask for quiet time. Noisy environments drain my energy much more quickly.
  • If the environment cannot be made more quiet, wear headphones. Sounds I choose to hear are far more relaxing than those I’m forced to process.
  • Go for a hike.
  • Imagine new stories.
  • Work on repetitive tasks. Boring physical or mental chores can block out what is happening around you.
  • Sleep.
  • Meditate.
  • Prepare a favourite meal.
  • Spend time around water. Swimming is the most helpful but even a bath or hot shower can clear the mind.

How would you bounce back in a situation like this?

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The Ethics of Eating Animal Products

What ethical obligations do we have to the animals that provide our meat, eggs, milk and other foods?

When a pride of lions track down and eat an antelope we don’t believe that they’ve done something wrong. This is just what carnivores do. When Homo erectus began hunting in groups cooperatively with the aid of more sophisticated tools it was one of the bigger steps in our evolution. Cooperation communication, according to one theory I’ve read, gradually molded our distant ancestors into more intelligent and social beings.

Should we be held to a different standard? If it’s ok for an animal, even a primate, to eat meat why wouldn’t it be ok for us as well?

Once again I hold a series of conflicting views on the topic. Here is what has been rolling around in my mind:

Objections to Eating Animal Products

Pigs, cows, chickens and other factory-farmed animals are kept in absolutely brutal conditions.  I’m ethically uncomfortable every time I support this industry (even as I acknowledge that in certain situations it’s difficult to  find alternatives.)

Raising animals for our consumption is resource-intensive. It takes less water, land, fuel and time to raise and distribute grain or produce that we eat than it does to water and fertilize corn or wheat, feed it to cows or pigs, and then slaughter and transport those animals and feed them to us.

The average person living in the west consumes far more protein that he or she actually needs. Even if we agree that a good diet can or should include animal products protein is also found in beans, grains and certain vegetables and as a whole westerners are not deficient in this nutrient.

But What About…

Land that is only fit for grazing. Some geographic areas are more conducive to farming than others. In certain climates the land can sustain grazing herds but is too cold, dry, or otherwise unsuited for vegetables or grains.

Ethically raised meat and eggs are often far more expensive than their factory-farmed competition. Sometimes the extra money can be squeezed out of a food budget but at other times it cannot. What should people with fixed or low incomes do? Do the ethics of this change based on what a family can afford? If the same ethics apply to everyone, should someone who cannot afford free-range meat or other products never eat them? If it doesn’t apply, why are there different rules for different groups? Does having more choices in life lead to the ethical obligation to choose the less harmful option?

Veg*n failures. Some people thrive on a vegan diet and I genuinely wish I was one of them. Every time I try it, though, I become sick much more easily and start to feel lethargic. What works best for me: animal products a few times a week when healthy and a little more often when I’m sick or injured. Often all I need is a few scrambled eggs or a handful of shrimp tossed into a stir-fry. If I weren’t allergic to milk products I could easily be vegetarian or pescatarian. The B-vitamins, iron and protein in foods like  eggs, cheese, and the occasional bit of seafood would suffice. Until we find a cure for allergies, though, I’ll continue to eat meat occasionally.

Tradition. Every fall a few family members buy hunting licenses. If they are successful everyone feasts on venison for months. In unsuccessful years some family members will buy a quarter or half of a locally-raised cow (which, in some cases, they’ve actually met!) or they may decide to pick up their meat at a grocery store for a while instead. I never ask where the meat they serve comes from, though, as it feels odd and a tinge ungrateful to do so in a culture so reliant on meat and dairy products in their diet.

Respond

What would the world look like if everyone were more conscious about the origins of his or her food? Have you thought about the ethics of eating animals products? If so, what does your diet look like?

 

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Suggestion Saturday: March 26, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, novellas, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Fear. This isn’t an emotion that most people talk about freely. It’s eye-opening to see what others fear and how they determine whether those feelings are legitimate warnings or a reflex from past experiences.

Birth & Death. How beauty can sprout from terribly sad events. Stories like these convince me I could never be a rancher!

When Should We Come Out to Our Relatives? In my experience so much depends on what kind of relationship you have with them and how they’ve reacted to other non-theists in the past. Some would be fine with an out-of-the-blue conversation, others would do better with a series of gradual hints. Non/ex-theists, what advice would you give on this topic?

My Faith After My Mosque was Torched. How friendships between Muslims and Christians in a small town strengthened the faith of both groups. It makes me wonder how many other examples of the positive effects of friendships between people who don’t share the same religious beliefs are out there.

118 Years in 20 Seconds. One of my favourite things about the drive to my maternal grandparents’ home as a child and  teenager was an old, red brick house in a field that we’d pass on the way there. At one time it must have been a beautiful home. I always wondered who had originally lived there, why the building was abandoned and what I’d find if we stopped the car and I climbed over the fence to explore.

What I’ve been readingThe Symbiot.  Seph told me about his novella a few months ago and I’ve been slowly reading through it since. An excerpt:

When man first shone light through a prism he discovered the visual spectrum. But he didn’t stop there did he? No. He looked further, beyond the seven colours and their infinite shades in between. He searched and discovered gamma rays, X-rays, ultraviolet rays, infrared rays, and even radio waves. What if man was simply content with the visual spectrum? Where would we be now? Imagine a world without radio waves. Man would have been an idiot to have called it quits at the visual light spectrum.

But enough said about the “visual sciences.” What about the “audio sciences”? Mankind discovers rhythm and pitch and calls it music. He analyses it. Do-re-mi-fa-sol-la-ti-do; He calls this an octave and says it repeats itself attaining one octave higher that the last. He learns to write sounds and music and rhythm on paper and… what? Calls it quits!

What have you been reading?

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20 Questions from the Search Logs

Earlier this week my friend Bruce posted answers to 30 questions that have lead people to his blog through Internet searches. Today I’m borrowing his idea. The questions have been minimally edited for better comprehension. If you continue this meme leave a comment and I’ll add a link to your post at the end of this one.

1. How do you tell a charity not to ask for donations anymore? The next time they contact you ask to be taken off their list. If that doesn’t work speak to the highest person in command you can contact or block their telephone number or email.

2. How to solicit charitable donations? Don’t exaggerate the truth but do be cheerful and respectful of those who don’t want to contribute.

3. Techniques on how to get donations over the phone? This is one of the most irritating ways to solicit. Don’t do it.

4. How frequently to solicit donors? I’m not an expert on these matters but I vote for annually. It’s predictable and just infrequent enough that I’ll (probably) at least listen to your spiel.

5. Is everyone born with privileges? No but the vast majority of us have at least a few.

6. How does our privilege contribute to injustice? It contributes in a few different ways: 1) it’s easy to forget that not everyone has the same advantages, 2) it can make some people so fearful of losing privileges when injustice ends that they fight to keep it going, and 3) sometimes our comfort numbs us to the suffering of others.

7. Why can I only wear makeup occasionally? I don’t know.

8. Any really really quiet people out there? Yes!

9. Are quiet people snobs? No more so than any other group.

10. Do really quiet people have social anxiety? Some do but there are also talkative people who are socially anxious and quiet and talkative people who don’t have any social anxiety.

11. How to get to know what people are thinking? Asking them is the most obvious answer. For a more subtle approach, listen to what they talk about and observe what they do and who they associate with in their spare time. People with similar ideas are often drawn to one another.

12. What is an omnivert? Someone who is energized both by spending time alone and by being in a crowd of people. Some people switch between the two while others need both kinds of interaction regularly to be their best selves.

13. Why are quiet people quiet? It’s part of our natural personalities. Not everyone is born with an endless stream of words pouring out of his or her mind. 🙂

14. What do people mean when they say “it’s always the quiet ones”? It refers to the idea that people are often surprised by what  quiet people say or do because so much of what is going on in our heads is never expressed to the outside world. This phrase has a slight negative connotation in my mind as it is sometimes used to infer that quiet people are more likely to be violent.

15.What cognitive disability does Lennie Small have? I know he was mildly mentally delayed but to the best of my knowledge Of Mice and Men never mentions a specific syndrome or diagnosis.

16. Can one be too skeptical? Yes.

17. Are pets excluded from heaven? It wouldn’t be heaven without them.

18. How to stop reading the news? Unsubscribe from your local paper and cable provider, remove all news sites from your RSS feed and plan to do something else with your newfound free time.

19. Why people should receive compliments? Assuming that they’re sincere and don’t come with any strings attached they can make you feel better on bad days.

20. What is a non-theistic person? Someone who doesn’t believe in the existence of any gods.

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Not With a Bang But a Whimper

Over the weekend I read Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games, a post-apocalyptic young adult scifi novel. Science fiction is one of my favourite genres and if I ever were to make a top-100 list of must-read books dystopian and post-apocalyptic novels would snap up more than a few slots.

Without sharing spoilers the dark subject matter of this story reminds me of other terrifying visions of the future from books like The Handmaid’s Tale, The Book of Dave, I Am Legend, or The Gate to Women’s Country.

I could fill up several more paragraphs with additional titles but can think of only one more-or-less optimistic interpretation of what the lives of people in the future might be like: Star Trek. Gene Roddenbery’s stories have their flaws but one of the reasons why I’ve enjoyed Voyager so much so far has to do with how ordinary and hopeful life is there. As in our world sometimes horrible things happen but there isn’t that dank sense of despair that too often leeches out of other futuristic stories. There’s something refreshing about that.

If only we could travel to the future to see what is actually going to happen.

  • Will a few shreds of humanity eke out a precarious existence in a violent, post-apocalyptic world?
  • Will people three hundred years from now wonder how we ever survived with such primitive treatments for diseases like cancer?
  • Will so many records be lost or destroyed that most of what future people know about  21st century life in [your country] will come from criticisms of it from other countries?
  • Will the early years of this century be romanticized as a simpler, better time?

It also makes me wonder why we so often assume the worst about what is to come.

Is it because we know that millions, maybe even billions of people are living in our worst-case scenarios right now? Is expecting the worst part of human nature?

What do you think?

 

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