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Picture by LinguistAtLarge.

Do you remember the scene in Fight Club where Tyler Durden talks about his single-serving friends? He’s referring to the nice people you meet, say, while travelling and then never see again.

I’ve started striking up conversations with people I don’t really know. They’re not quite single-serving friends as we live in the same city (and sometimes even the same building), but if there’s something friendly to say while we’re waiting in line or squished together on an elevator I’m beginning to say it.

We don’t know each other’s names, but for a few minutes we share camaraderie. Often this works out well. And then there are those other times.

It was one of the last chilly days of the winter that wouldn’t end when an exhausted-looking woman and I boarded the same elevator. Her cheeks were ruddy and her hair looked a bit windblown.

“It is really cold out there?” I asked. I knew the forecast had called for pretty cold temperatures for this time in March, but I didn’t remember hearing anything about a windchill or strong winds.

Her shoulders drooped.

“I’m just so used to working two or three jobs,” she said. “I think I’m going to go back to sleep.” Her fatigue dripped furiously onto the mud-caked floor.

Eventually she figured out what I was actually asking, and we both agreed that Toronto is trapped in an everlasting winter without the promise of Christmas.*

But for 30 seconds I was very amused by the direction of our conversation.

What have you (mis)heard lately?

*Or at least that’s what it feels like.

If the embedded video doesn’t work, click here.

As I’m sure you’ve already heard, Fred Phelps died at the end of last week.

My Twitter stream erupted into two basic types of responses once the news broke. I follow a lot of Buddhists and pacifists, so there were many prayers offered for Fred’s family and that his soul would find peace.

A smaller percentage of my social circle was  unapologetically gleeful. Fred Phelps has caused so much suffering that they were thrilled to see him leave this world. He will never be able to hurt anyone again. One of my lingering convictions from growing up in the church is that everyone deserves grace and compassion. The people who need it the most are often those who are the hardest to love because of how horribly they behave.

The funny thing is that certain members from both groups want to stage a protest at his funeral. The former want it to be a positive demonstration of love for the family members and Westboro Baptist Church. The latter want to give them a taste of their own medicine, and I also grok the thirst for justice. Call it karma, fate, or providence, there comes a time in life when your choices come back to you. If nothing else, any abusive or hateful person is going to be remembered quite differently than someone who was consistently loving and kind.

But this is how I will be acknowledging his life and death.

courtesy of Jwild.

Not hatred. It’s never satisfied.

Not love. (Although if I’m wrong about the existence of an afterlife, I hope it is a place of forgiveness for everyone).

Indifference.

Silence.

The slow erasure of someone who failed to make the rest of the world swallow any of his fear.

An empty, white circle that will never react to him again.

There are so many other people in this world worth remembering. Let’s focus on them.

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, comic strips, and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

A Wish Upon a Bone via CrispySea. When I was a kid I used to wish I could grow gills while swimming. It never happened, but for a few years I tried very hard to see if it could.

Ideal Cuddle Scenario. Because there are no words in this comic I had a wonderful time making up a story about them as I scrolled down. My ideal cuddle scenario: sitting on the couch with my spouse or a close friend or family member. It’s nice to watch a movie and cuddle at the same time. What’s your ideal cuddle scenario? This page is work-safe, but I can make no promises about the rest of the site.

The Overprotected Kid via kidamon. I’m way too old for this playground, but I still want to visit it.

From the Divide. One of my pet theories in life is that great art gives you a fleeting glimpse of what it’s like to live someone else’s life. This is a fantastic example of how that might work.

Caution – Road Work Ahead via fsouth. This is part three of a really interesting series about grief and death. Links to the first two parts are at the bottom of the essay.

From A Love Letter to Anxious Ladies:

I’m not very good at love letters, so bear with me if I falter. Dear anxious ladies, everywhere, in all ends of campus, and in all ends of the world: I am currently in a state of mind where I hate most things, but know that I feel an intense, solid, strong bond of affection and solidarity for you.

Retinisis Pigmentosa: I’m guessing that most of my readers have never heard of this disease. Beyond Rowing tells the story of a woman named Victoria Nolan who slowly becomes legally blind because of it. The really interesting thing about Victoria’s story is that she didn’t become a record-breaking, award-winning athlete until after she lost virtually all of her sight.

We all have challenges in life. Mine are (probably) very different from yours, but no one is without them. What I love about this book is how the author reacts to the things she finds difficult. It’s not about ignoring the hard times, it’s about refusing to allow them to define you as a person.

And that’s something all of us can relate to.

What have you been reading?

Photo by Abrget47j.

I’ve been too busy writing this week to come up with a proper Thursday topic, so I thought I’d share one of my recent sources of inspiration instead.  Here is the photographer’s description of it:

The photo was taken after sunset at Cape Purakkari. There are glacial boulders in the picture. It was a stormy day at the Baltic Sea. Long exposure makes the waves look like mist.

The amazing thing about it to me is that it was taken of a completely ordinary place on Earth. Estonia to be precise.

When I look at it I see an alien world or a glimpse of what our planet might have looked like tens of millions of years ago. It would never occur to me to assume that the right equipment can make such a big difference in how something as ordinary as waves turns out.

Amazing stuff.

The anti-bucket list includes everything you never want to experience before you die. I found this idea while on a random google search and thought my readers would like seeing what I put on mine as much as I’m looking forward to reading yours!

• Hear the words Stage IV, metastatized, or pallatative.
• Have a hangover. Or maybe I should just avoid drinking giant bottles of green Kool-aid. 😉
• Get a tattoo. It’s hard enough to pick out a hairstyle or new set of glasses that I know will affect how I look for months/years to come.
• Be anyone’s mom.
• Remember right from left without surreptitiously squeezing both hands to see which one feels more left-y.
• Go Cowboy Camping. I love the outdoors, but I also like to sleep in a soft, warm bed that is not exposed to the elements afterwards.
• Run for office. I’m not good at lying or schmoozing.
• Be a living organ donor. Transplant surgeons are more than welcome to pass on any usable organs or tissues after I die, but the risks associated with donating a kidney or part of my liver are too high for me to take while I’m still alive. I have a lot of respect for people willing to do that, though!
• Eat black pudding. I’m sure some folks find it delicious, but no thank you.

How about you?

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, quotes, and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Understanding Culture and Language Ethnocide: A Native Perspective via FirstPeoples. The analogy Dr. S. Neyooxet Greymorning uses in this blog post made so much sense to me. I’d never thought about the importance of language to the preservation of a culture. So interesting!

The Man Who Destroyed America’s Ego. A long but fantastic article about the self-esteem movement and the man who questioned the validity of it.

Time Travelers: Don’t Kill Hitler – Kidnap Him. This idea just might work. If you’re ever sitting next to me when I’m in one of my very quiet moods, it’s possible I’m thinking about something like this.

A Quickie on My “Imaginary” Wife via calgarydreamer. My spouse isn’t as shy as this blogger’s wife, but it’s really nice to see how respectful he is of her decision to stay away from social media and his blog. It can be tough to write around someone who is such an important part of your life.

From Do You Suffer from IQS?:

Do you find yourself repeating meaningless platitudes about love, courage, or creativity throughout the day?  Do you attribute nearly every possible sentence in the English language to the same half dozen famous people?  Do you feel strangely moved by reading the same quote for the hundredth time on Twitter or Facebook?  Do you feel an utterance is made more profound by dividing it into lines, pasting it onto a picture of a sunset, and attributing it to a famous dead person?

Why Are They So Angry?  An excellent blog post that asks why certain people are so threatened by the existence of poor folks. I think it has a lot to do with stereotypes about poverty that are promoted in the media. Not to mention the fear of ending up in the same place.

Counting the Days Until Spring via everettpoetry. March has been a long, chilly, damp, frustrating month for me so far. I deeply identify with this poem.

“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.”― Andrew Boyd

What do you get when you combine Mormonism, Tourette’s Syndrome, and a lifelong love of reading? The World’s Strongest Librarian.

The best part of this autobiography is how effortlessly the author dives into what it feels like to be a child. Certain things that make perfect sense to adults are complete mysteries to people who are new to this world. Discovering the difference between the two adds humour and a touch of charm to what otherwise could have been a very lonely childhood.

This is a great choice for anyone in the mood for a lighthearted read, especially if you’re a fellow bookworm!

What have you been reading?

Picture by Pumbaa (original work by Greg Robson).

If Nobelium could speak, its first word would be no.

(Don’t quote me on that if you have a Chemistry test coming up, though. 😉 )

Over the past few years I’ve slowly been learning to say no without feeling guilty for it. There are still certain situations that trip me up, but I’m finding a lot of freedom in the idea that few things in life are compulsory.

It’s good to volunteer, spend time with loved ones, or do favours for other people. No one has the right to your time, though. Even if you said yes the last ten times or there’s no one else around to do it.

No.

Sometimes one small word is a full sentence. It doesn’t always need a reason to prop it up.

Just no.

The more you say it, the easier it is to let it stand on its own.

And the easier it is to find space for all of the Yeses in your life.

ReMoved from HESCHLE on Vimeo.

This is a 12 minute short film about a preteen girl experiencing foster care that I absolutely loved.  I think my readers will like it, too. There are (non-graphic) depictions of domestic violence I thought I should mention in case anyone is sensitive to that sort of thing.