Plan B, C and D

Twenty years ago my parents pastored a small church in Laramie, Wyoming.

Spring was a fickle season. One week a mid-spring blizzard wiggles down the mountains but when the snow melts scores of wildflowers yawn through the soil. The weather shifted so often that it was nearly impossible to guess at breakfast what the temperature would be like after lunch.

The closer we inched into late spring and early summer the less this was true, of course, but after seven or eight months of snow people do grow restless. Maybe this was why church attendance slumped when the weather grew more reliable?

Occasionally Sunday morning would come and go without anyone outside of our nuclear family showing up for church.We always waited for them. A few times one or two people did show up late and Dad would proceed with the worship music and sermon he had prepared the night before.

When no one came we did other stuff. Dad might sing favourite songs with us or the entire family may have gone to a local park. To be honest I don’t remember all of our alternate plans for those few hours, only that there was always a plan B, C and D if the original one didn’t work out.

Today’s questions are purposefully vague. Apply them to anything and everything. I’ve been asking “what if this doesn’t work out the way I think it will?” for years and have only had to fall back onto alterative plans a few times. It feels better to be prepared, though.

Have you made back-up plans? Have you ever needed to use one or more of them? What happens if those plans also don’t work out?

 

 

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Suggestion Saturday: April 2, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, photos, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

The WikiCommons page for the photo on the left says that this piece could be a representation of Isis mourning Osiris or that she could be a human woman in mourning. The emotion behind it is achingly powerful either way.

Passing for the Ruling Class. Why is it still considered shameful to be perceived as working class or poor?

How NASA Photoshops Hubble Images. I never knew that Hubble images were doctored before they are released. I wonder how close the colours on the photos are to what various astronomical bodies and phenomenon would look like if we were floating next to them?

Lottery Simulator. A widget that shows how much money you could make by playing the same lottery numbers every week.

My Parents Were Awesome. It’s odd to think that there was a time when my parents weren’t parents at all. Intellectually I know they had wonderful lives before I showed up, of course, but it’s still strange to imagine a world in which you and I didn’t exist (yet).

I’m Looking For Your Thoughts. Drew is working on a book and is requesting  input from non-traditional Christians. Click on the link for more information.

What I’ve been (re)reading: The Ghosts of New York.Check it out even if you’re not generally interested in supernatural or ghost stories. It doesn’t rely on many of the tropes that are usually trotted out in these genres.

What have you been reading?

 

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9 Ways to Recharge Your Energy

Labels are tricky things. They can quickly communicate an identity or complicated set of ideas in a word or phrase. They can also box us into roles that only sometimes actually fit.

Today let’s talk about some alternative ways to recharge personal energy for people who usually do so by spending time alone. If I was discussing this with someone who had never known this need I’d use terms like introvert and extrovert and gloss over the idea that many people switch between the two in certain circumstances. I’d like to talk around these terms, though. Even people who usually are energized by being part of a crowd will either occasionally need to be alone or need to brainstorm other ways to recharge.

Sometimes one needs time alone in places or situations where it isn’t easy to carve out that space. Maybe you’re the primary caregiver for one or more small children, have a demanding, fast-paced job, are sharing a hotel room with three other people on a vacation or are trapped by a spring snowstorm in a remote cabin somewhere.

Here are some of the things I’d try to help prevent becoming (temporarily) burned out on people if I wasn’t able to have time alone:

  • Ask for quiet time. Noisy environments drain my energy much more quickly.
  • If the environment cannot be made more quiet, wear headphones. Sounds I choose to hear are far more relaxing than those I’m forced to process.
  • Go for a hike.
  • Imagine new stories.
  • Work on repetitive tasks. Boring physical or mental chores can block out what is happening around you.
  • Sleep.
  • Meditate.
  • Prepare a favourite meal.
  • Spend time around water. Swimming is the most helpful but even a bath or hot shower can clear the mind.

How would you bounce back in a situation like this?

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The Ethics of Eating Animal Products

What ethical obligations do we have to the animals that provide our meat, eggs, milk and other foods?

When a pride of lions track down and eat an antelope we don’t believe that they’ve done something wrong. This is just what carnivores do. When Homo erectus began hunting in groups cooperatively with the aid of more sophisticated tools it was one of the bigger steps in our evolution. Cooperation communication, according to one theory I’ve read, gradually molded our distant ancestors into more intelligent and social beings.

Should we be held to a different standard? If it’s ok for an animal, even a primate, to eat meat why wouldn’t it be ok for us as well?

Once again I hold a series of conflicting views on the topic. Here is what has been rolling around in my mind:

Objections to Eating Animal Products

Pigs, cows, chickens and other factory-farmed animals are kept in absolutely brutal conditions.  I’m ethically uncomfortable every time I support this industry (even as I acknowledge that in certain situations it’s difficult to  find alternatives.)

Raising animals for our consumption is resource-intensive. It takes less water, land, fuel and time to raise and distribute grain or produce that we eat than it does to water and fertilize corn or wheat, feed it to cows or pigs, and then slaughter and transport those animals and feed them to us.

The average person living in the west consumes far more protein that he or she actually needs. Even if we agree that a good diet can or should include animal products protein is also found in beans, grains and certain vegetables and as a whole westerners are not deficient in this nutrient.

But What About…

Land that is only fit for grazing. Some geographic areas are more conducive to farming than others. In certain climates the land can sustain grazing herds but is too cold, dry, or otherwise unsuited for vegetables or grains.

Ethically raised meat and eggs are often far more expensive than their factory-farmed competition. Sometimes the extra money can be squeezed out of a food budget but at other times it cannot. What should people with fixed or low incomes do? Do the ethics of this change based on what a family can afford? If the same ethics apply to everyone, should someone who cannot afford free-range meat or other products never eat them? If it doesn’t apply, why are there different rules for different groups? Does having more choices in life lead to the ethical obligation to choose the less harmful option?

Veg*n failures. Some people thrive on a vegan diet and I genuinely wish I was one of them. Every time I try it, though, I become sick much more easily and start to feel lethargic. What works best for me: animal products a few times a week when healthy and a little more often when I’m sick or injured. Often all I need is a few scrambled eggs or a handful of shrimp tossed into a stir-fry. If I weren’t allergic to milk products I could easily be vegetarian or pescatarian. The B-vitamins, iron and protein in foods like  eggs, cheese, and the occasional bit of seafood would suffice. Until we find a cure for allergies, though, I’ll continue to eat meat occasionally.

Tradition. Every fall a few family members buy hunting licenses. If they are successful everyone feasts on venison for months. In unsuccessful years some family members will buy a quarter or half of a locally-raised cow (which, in some cases, they’ve actually met!) or they may decide to pick up their meat at a grocery store for a while instead. I never ask where the meat they serve comes from, though, as it feels odd and a tinge ungrateful to do so in a culture so reliant on meat and dairy products in their diet.

Respond

What would the world look like if everyone were more conscious about the origins of his or her food? Have you thought about the ethics of eating animals products? If so, what does your diet look like?

 

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Suggestion Saturday: March 26, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, novellas, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Fear. This isn’t an emotion that most people talk about freely. It’s eye-opening to see what others fear and how they determine whether those feelings are legitimate warnings or a reflex from past experiences.

Birth & Death. How beauty can sprout from terribly sad events. Stories like these convince me I could never be a rancher!

When Should We Come Out to Our Relatives? In my experience so much depends on what kind of relationship you have with them and how they’ve reacted to other non-theists in the past. Some would be fine with an out-of-the-blue conversation, others would do better with a series of gradual hints. Non/ex-theists, what advice would you give on this topic?

My Faith After My Mosque was Torched. How friendships between Muslims and Christians in a small town strengthened the faith of both groups. It makes me wonder how many other examples of the positive effects of friendships between people who don’t share the same religious beliefs are out there.

118 Years in 20 Seconds. One of my favourite things about the drive to my maternal grandparents’ home as a child and  teenager was an old, red brick house in a field that we’d pass on the way there. At one time it must have been a beautiful home. I always wondered who had originally lived there, why the building was abandoned and what I’d find if we stopped the car and I climbed over the fence to explore.

What I’ve been readingThe Symbiot.  Seph told me about his novella a few months ago and I’ve been slowly reading through it since. An excerpt:

When man first shone light through a prism he discovered the visual spectrum. But he didn’t stop there did he? No. He looked further, beyond the seven colours and their infinite shades in between. He searched and discovered gamma rays, X-rays, ultraviolet rays, infrared rays, and even radio waves. What if man was simply content with the visual spectrum? Where would we be now? Imagine a world without radio waves. Man would have been an idiot to have called it quits at the visual light spectrum.

But enough said about the “visual sciences.” What about the “audio sciences”? Mankind discovers rhythm and pitch and calls it music. He analyses it. Do-re-mi-fa-sol-la-ti-do; He calls this an octave and says it repeats itself attaining one octave higher that the last. He learns to write sounds and music and rhythm on paper and… what? Calls it quits!

What have you been reading?

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20 Questions from the Search Logs

Earlier this week my friend Bruce posted answers to 30 questions that have lead people to his blog through Internet searches. Today I’m borrowing his idea. The questions have been minimally edited for better comprehension. If you continue this meme leave a comment and I’ll add a link to your post at the end of this one.

1. How do you tell a charity not to ask for donations anymore? The next time they contact you ask to be taken off their list. If that doesn’t work speak to the highest person in command you can contact or block their telephone number or email.

2. How to solicit charitable donations? Don’t exaggerate the truth but do be cheerful and respectful of those who don’t want to contribute.

3. Techniques on how to get donations over the phone? This is one of the most irritating ways to solicit. Don’t do it.

4. How frequently to solicit donors? I’m not an expert on these matters but I vote for annually. It’s predictable and just infrequent enough that I’ll (probably) at least listen to your spiel.

5. Is everyone born with privileges? No but the vast majority of us have at least a few.

6. How does our privilege contribute to injustice? It contributes in a few different ways: 1) it’s easy to forget that not everyone has the same advantages, 2) it can make some people so fearful of losing privileges when injustice ends that they fight to keep it going, and 3) sometimes our comfort numbs us to the suffering of others.

7. Why can I only wear makeup occasionally? I don’t know.

8. Any really really quiet people out there? Yes!

9. Are quiet people snobs? No more so than any other group.

10. Do really quiet people have social anxiety? Some do but there are also talkative people who are socially anxious and quiet and talkative people who don’t have any social anxiety.

11. How to get to know what people are thinking? Asking them is the most obvious answer. For a more subtle approach, listen to what they talk about and observe what they do and who they associate with in their spare time. People with similar ideas are often drawn to one another.

12. What is an omnivert? Someone who is energized both by spending time alone and by being in a crowd of people. Some people switch between the two while others need both kinds of interaction regularly to be their best selves.

13. Why are quiet people quiet? It’s part of our natural personalities. Not everyone is born with an endless stream of words pouring out of his or her mind. 🙂

14. What do people mean when they say “it’s always the quiet ones”? It refers to the idea that people are often surprised by what  quiet people say or do because so much of what is going on in our heads is never expressed to the outside world. This phrase has a slight negative connotation in my mind as it is sometimes used to infer that quiet people are more likely to be violent.

15.What cognitive disability does Lennie Small have? I know he was mildly mentally delayed but to the best of my knowledge Of Mice and Men never mentions a specific syndrome or diagnosis.

16. Can one be too skeptical? Yes.

17. Are pets excluded from heaven? It wouldn’t be heaven without them.

18. How to stop reading the news? Unsubscribe from your local paper and cable provider, remove all news sites from your RSS feed and plan to do something else with your newfound free time.

19. Why people should receive compliments? Assuming that they’re sincere and don’t come with any strings attached they can make you feel better on bad days.

20. What is a non-theistic person? Someone who doesn’t believe in the existence of any gods.

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Not With a Bang But a Whimper

Over the weekend I read Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games, a post-apocalyptic young adult scifi novel. Science fiction is one of my favourite genres and if I ever were to make a top-100 list of must-read books dystopian and post-apocalyptic novels would snap up more than a few slots.

Without sharing spoilers the dark subject matter of this story reminds me of other terrifying visions of the future from books like The Handmaid’s Tale, The Book of Dave, I Am Legend, or The Gate to Women’s Country.

I could fill up several more paragraphs with additional titles but can think of only one more-or-less optimistic interpretation of what the lives of people in the future might be like: Star Trek. Gene Roddenbery’s stories have their flaws but one of the reasons why I’ve enjoyed Voyager so much so far has to do with how ordinary and hopeful life is there. As in our world sometimes horrible things happen but there isn’t that dank sense of despair that too often leeches out of other futuristic stories. There’s something refreshing about that.

If only we could travel to the future to see what is actually going to happen.

  • Will a few shreds of humanity eke out a precarious existence in a violent, post-apocalyptic world?
  • Will people three hundred years from now wonder how we ever survived with such primitive treatments for diseases like cancer?
  • Will so many records be lost or destroyed that most of what future people know about  21st century life in [your country] will come from criticisms of it from other countries?
  • Will the early years of this century be romanticized as a simpler, better time?

It also makes me wonder why we so often assume the worst about what is to come.

Is it because we know that millions, maybe even billions of people are living in our worst-case scenarios right now? Is expecting the worst part of human nature?

What do you think?

 

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Suggestion Saturday: March 19, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, pictures, articles, quotes, short stories, poetry and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Vivian Maier’s Street Photography. I don’t think I’ve ever recommended an entire blog before but this one is well-worth your time. Vivian Maier worked as a nanny for wealthy families in New York from the 1950s to the 1990s. In her spare time she walked around the city and took often-haunting photographs of people from every walk of life and her  100,000+ photographs were discovered after her death in 2009. This is a blog I’ll be savouring for quite a while!

Taming the Wild. This article about the unexpected outcomes of domesticating foxes makes me wonder how people have changed over the past 30,000 years. We know that people who lived back then looked like us…I wonder if they acted like us as well?

Satellite and Geologic Maps of Japan Earthquake/Tsunami. A bird’s eye view of the devastation. Somehow this makes it more real to me than reading news articles.

Falling Upward. I wonder if the book is as intriguing as the poem?

On the Banks of the River Lex.The first half of this story was confusing, the second half thought-provoking. To say anything else may spoil it for you!

A final thought:

Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time. – Norman Ford

What have you been reading?

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Life after Faith: Now What?

My process of de-converting from Christianity in one word: gradual. The earliest hairline doubts cracked through around puberty. I tried re-evaluating what I believed and living with the tension of beliefs that harmed more than they helped. Each patch seemed to work for a few years. And then one day I’d come back and find only the gummy residue of old hope.

Some former Christians who have become non-theists approach their de-conversions with glee. They’ll switch from evangelizing about Jesus to proselytizing the tongue-in-cheek virtues of the flying spaghetti monster.  There’s nothing wrong with doing this, of course. It just isn’t how I reacted when I finally admitted to living in the religious grey zone.

Beyond the relief that follows honesty after a long internal battle came a question:

Now What?

I’d grown up with the belief that faith brings meaning to one’s life and that people couldn’t be genuinely good without that external compass. It was something reinforced so often and with such authority that I didn’t even recognize it as an assumption until this point.

What was I going to do without it? Would I suddenly start drinking every weekend, lying, stealing, cheating, fighting, ignoring those who asked for help?

This may make those of you who didn’t grow up in this sort of religious environment chuckle…but they were things that passed through my mind. Over and over again as a child I heard testimonies from people who said that God was the only thing in this world standing between them and all of the horrible things they wanted to do.

What if I had just stepped away from this same protection?

It wasn’t something I worried about forever but it was in the back of my mind as I slowly inched into a new worldview.

What happens after faith? Most of the time it’s the same sort of stuff that mattered before in the smallest and biggest ways: the love of family and friends. a crisp new book from the library. a long hike in the woods.

I’m as (un)likely to harm or help someone else as I was in my Christian years. Worrying about my purpose in life isn’t something I do as much these days. If there is one I’ll figure it out when the time is right. In the meantime I’ll love and be loved and that isn’t a bad place to be.

Ex/non-theists and spiritual seekers, what is your “now what”? How do the pieces of your lives come together?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 Reasons Why You Should Keep Track of Compliments

An announcement before we dig into the marrow of today’s topic:

This is the one hundredth post at On the Other Hand! I’m so proud to have reached this milestone. Thank you all for reading and leaving comments over the last seven months.

The next issue of my newsletter comes out Friday, March 18. It includes a top-5 list of my favourite posts to date. Fill out the form on the right hand side of this page if you haven’t signed up for the newsletter yet. It’s free, your personal information is never shared and you’ll receive exclusive content.

Ok, onto today’s topic:

Why You Should Keep Track of Compliments

A friend mentioned recently how much easier it is for her to remember negative thoughts and experiences than it is positive ones. My brain works the same way. Compliments and happy memories seem to fade more quickly than criticism or painful or embarrassing experiences.

Years ago I read a book about joy written by a woman who over a short course of time buried one son and had another son come out of the closet (who was subsequently disowned by their church, community and extended family) while she struggled with a stubborn, years-long bout of depression.*

At a certain point she ran out of things in this world to feel happy about. For this I can’t blame her. Any one of these events would be a challenge. To live through all three simultaneously must have been incredibly difficult! Her response to this chapter in her life was to create something called a joy box: a box filled with cartoons, jokes, encouraging notes from friends and anything else that made her smile.

*It’s been many years since I’ve read this book. Hopefully I’m remembering the details correctly!

About a decade ago I adapted this idea and began sporadically keeping track of compliments. I stopped doing it for several years but recently took the practice up again. Here are three reasons why you should do the same:

  1. It helps you remember the nice things others have said about you. There’s nothing like going back and re-reading a list of compliments at the end of a hard day.
  2. It highlights your strengths. Once the compliments begin to accumulate you’ll probably begin to notice that the same traits or abilities are mentioned over and over again. What is even better, though, is when one or two people pick up on something that you didn’t realize was so deeply appreciated.
  3. It reminds you to pass compliments on. Complaining about a person, institution or situation is easy. Noticing the good they bring into your life takes more practice but it’s even more important than pointing out where and when they’ve made mistakes.

I keep my list of compliments in a Word file. Artistically-inclined people may be interested in decorating a cardboard box, manila folder or some other container. If you do end up making something to store your compliments in I’m interested in seeing pictures of it!

Either way, give this a try. It’s enriched my life and I think it will do the same for yours.

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