Tag Archives: Mailbag

August 13, 2012 · 9:00 am

Mailbag #7

A reader asks:

What do non-theists think of religion?

I know people who love debating about it and others who never think about such things. So much depends on how that person was raised, the experiences they’ve had with theists and whether they’re actually interested in in the topic. Some love to debate/discuss this stuff, others don’t.

Personally I am losing interest in any kind of religious talk. I’m not offended if other people believe in it I just don’t find the topic engaging these days. There are so many other things in this world to explore.

Often when I do think about religion it’s been triggered by yet another scandal. For some reason we keep hearing news stories about people being abused (often sexually) or swindled by men and women who were considered pillars in their community. Those stories make me so sad because they’re the exact opposite of what any of the religions I’ve ever researched have taught about treating others. I wish we knew why this keeps happening.

But I do still love traditional Christmas carols. Maybe this is weird for someone who isn’t at all interested in the theology behind songs like “Silent Night,” “Angels We Have Heard on High,” or “What Child Is This?”  but it remains the prettiest music I’ve ever heard.

Do you have a question for me? Submit it through the contact form or in the comment section of this post. 

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April 30, 2012 · 9:00 am

Mailbag #6

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to update this series.  Thank you to whomever it was who thought up this question. Lurkers, please don’t be shy. I’m happy to answer anything!

Recently anonymous asked:

 What are your most strongly held beliefs?

1. Politics are useless. By that I mean that it doesn’t really matter who you vote for or which party wins. There’s only so much change that can be accomplished on a federal level.

2. It’s better to tell a story than preach a sermon. But never combine the two. You’ll only end up with the worst of both worlds.

3. A friend shared this quote with me a few years ago when I was horribly stressed out due to a series of unhappy surprises: everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok it’s not the end.

4.  Every beer brewed since the beginning of mankind is terminally un-drinkable. Except for this one.

5. Give others the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes they don’t know that what they’re asking or assuming is offensive. Sometimes things don’t come out the way they were intended. That’s ok. Take a step back and clarify before deciding how to proceed with them in the future.

Do you have a question for me? Submit it through the contact form or in the comment section of this post. 

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February 27, 2012 · 9:00 am

Mailbag #5

Anonymous asks:

How do you approach someone who has a non-theistic worldview?

Without an agenda.

Look, we know when we’re being “courted” through friendship evangelism. It’s disheartening to be treated as a project, to be valued as a friend only if you come around to someone else’s way of thinking.

Does this mean you can’t talk about what you believe? Of course not. Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had about religion have been with people on the other side of the fence.

Just approach people you genuinely like and treat them the same way you’d treat anyone else.

Do you have a question for me? Submit it through the contact form or in the comment section of this post. 

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January 16, 2012 · 9:00 am

Mailbag #4

Anonymous asks:

How do you find other non-theists in your community?

Hello, Anonymous.

Here are a few ideas:

1. Grassroots Skeptics and Atheist Nexus.

2. Visit your local university, college or community college. They often host free or low cost events – plays, musical performances, art exhibits, lectures. I’ve noticed a correlation between intellectual curiosity and a willingness to listen to other points of view.

This does not mean that the people you meet there will share your (lack of) religious beliefs but it does seem to reduce the likelihood that you’ll be pressed on the issue.

3.  Talk openly about your non-theism if it is safe to do so. You might have friends, family members or acquaintances who quietly hold the same beliefs!

4. Visit your local library and take note of upcoming special events. My library has hosted experts on a wide variety of topics – history, physics, music, art. As with college and universities, libraries can be a wonderful place to exchange ideas. Or, if nothing else, you could always check out a few books while you’re there. 🙂

5. Still can’t find anything? Start your own site. It can be as simple as signing up for a free blog at WordPress.

Do you have a question for me? Submit it through the contact form or in the comment section of this post. 

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November 24, 2011 · 9:00 am

Mailbag #3

Anonymous asks:

How do you respond to a friend who is asking for prayers? 

Hi, Anonymous. Thank you for writing to me.

Say, “you’ll be in my thoughts” if it’s at all socially possible for you to skirt around the issue for the time being.

Most of time people don’t request prayers for happy, stress-free life events. As much as it sounds like you’d love to tell this friend the truth now is not the best time to do it.

It’s better to wait until the dust from whatever is going on in your friend’s life has settled down before you have the “I’m not [or no longer] a member of your religious group” talk.

If I’ve misread your message and you never intend to tell this person about your actual beliefs this gets trickier. It can be really difficult to compartmentalize one’s life like that. All it takes is one person who knows the truth to accidentally say something and your secret is no longer so secret.

No, I’m not saying that you have to tell them or that the only possible way to live a moral life is if you tell everyone everything about you. Sometimes it just isn’t safe to disclose certain things to certain people.  As a queer, child-free, non-theist I grok that 100%. 😉

There’s still the question of how one should respond to prayer requests without bringing (too much? any?) attention to what you actually believe.

If telling them that they’ll be in your thoughts is too vague, what about subtly shifting the conversation to something like this?

Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about that. Can I bring you some groceries/babysit your kids/shovel your driveway?

Do you have a question for me? Submit it through the contact form or in the comment section of this post. 

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October 13, 2011 · 9:00 am

Mailbag #2

Anonymous asks:

How do you tell your extended family that you do not want to celebrate with gifts this year?

Good question.

My immediate and extended family has scaled way back on the annual gift exchange over the last half dozen years.

Children still receive them (and my grandmother reserves the right to give presents to everyone 😉 ) but almost everyone else has mutually agreed to exchange either nothing or very inexpensive items.

If this is a change you want to make for the 2011 holidays, discuss it now. Some people start shopping fairly early in the season. It would be much more awkward to end this tradition if the other members of your family have already purchased gifts for you.

Keep the conversation simple. Something like this might be good:

“I’d like to stop exchanging gifts for [the holiday you’re observing].”

Depending on your relationship(s) it may or may not be a good idea to mention your reason for wanting this. If you’re embracing voluntary simplicity, for example, remember that some people are threatened by the idea of downsizing their lives and they may project those anxieties onto you.

Also remember that change can be pretty scary.

Is there another tradition – volunteering somewhere as a family, a fun activity you’d like to try, etc. – you’d like to do instead? Now would be a good time to mention it. You don’t have to have all of the details figured out. Just knowing how you might prefer to fill that time may help your relatives be more willing to try something new this year.

And you can always go back to exchanging gifts in 2012 0r 2013 if everyone hates the new tradition.

Good luck! I’d love to know how it all turns out if you’re willing to share that information.

Do you have a question for me? Submit it through the contact form or in the comment section of this post. 

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September 1, 2011 · 9:00 am

Mailbag #1

Anonymous asks:

I’m negative. How do I fix it?

Hello! Thanks for your question. As you didn’t provide any other details here are a few things to consider for the next few minutes:

  • Are you otherwise coping with life ok? Negative thinking can be a symptom of depression, among other illnesses. I’m not a doctor (and couldn’t diagnose you over the Internet even if I was one!) but this may be something to discuss with your health care provider.
  • How do the people you spend the most time with respond to the stresses of life? A handful of extremely pessimistic or optimistic people can change the “feel” of even a large group.
  • Are you in a really tough situation? Does venting help? Shit happens, sometimes over and over again to the same people. Admitting that isn’t being negative, it’s being honest.

Ok, time’s up.

So what do you do with negative thought patterns once you’ve figured out why they’re happening?

  1. Acknowledge them. It’s ok to have a bad day or to admit that experience X was really difficult. Even saying or thinking, “well, that was a negative thought!” can help you realize what’s going on.
  2. Stay in the moment. Just because X happened before does not mean it will happen again. Trying to predict the future will only encourage a pessimistic view of it.
  3. Make a plan. Is there anything you can do to (realistically) avoid X in the future? If not, is there anything that will make it less harmful?
  4. Help someone else. Wallowing in negativity is much more difficult when you’re, say, shovelling a neighbour’s sidewalk or volunteering at your favourite charity.
  5. Flip your assumptions. When a negative thought pops up counter it with the best alternative you can think of. Maybe your relative’s health will snap back after that surgery. Maybe your boss was calling to offer you a promotion! As Pollyanna-ish as this sounds it works well with practice.

The bottom line: negative thinking is a habit and like any habit it can be replaced with a more useful one.

I’d be lying if I said this was easy.  It isn’t. But it can be done!

Do you have a question to Ask Lydia? Submit it through the contact form or in the comment section of this post. 

 

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