Tag Archives: Shyness

Wednesday Weekly Blogging Challenge: Something I Wish I Were Better At Doing

Hosted by Long and Short Reviews.

Click here to read everyone else’s replies to this week’s question and here to see the full list of topics for the year.

A light orange sign that says “new skills training”. Just so you all know, I’ve been having trouble leaving comments on some WordPress blogs recently. They ask me to log in even though I’m already logged in, and then when I leave my comment it never appears on the post. If I don’t comment on your post, I am not ignoring you.

Now onto today’s topic.

I wish I were better at starting and  keeping conversations going with people I’ve either just met or don’t know much about.

As someone who is shy and introverted with a splash of social anxiety to add another layer of difficulty to it all, I still do not always know what to say to enrich a conversation.

I worry about accidentally hurting someone’s feelings by mentioning something that is a sensitive topic for them.

If I’m talking to someone I already know, I can easily steer the conversation away from topics I know are tricky for them and to things I know will make their faces light up with joy.

With a stranger or acquaintance, you can’t possibly know in advance where all of their sore spots are even if you try to avoid the most obvious topics that should be handled delicately if at all.

I’m also uninterested in stuff like sports, fashion, or celebrity gossip that many people use as icebreakers. So you can ask me about that sportsball game or which actors are secretly dating if you wish to…but I won’t have a solitary clue what you’re talking about and so will just be smiling and nodding along without anything new to add to whatever just happened.

This is something I’ve gradually gotten better at over the years, but it’s still not easy for me to come up with general interest topics that are inoffensive and interesting but that I also know enough about to keep talking about.

Thank goodness for books is all I can say. Without them and the interesting ideas they contain, whether they’re science facts or cool plot twists in fictional tales,  I truly would be permanently stumped.

 

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How to Make Shy People Come and Talk to You

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Photo credit: isthattheguy.

Someone found this blog over the weekend by doing a search for how to make shy people come and talk to you. I thought it would make a great subject for today’s post as I’m shy in real life until I’ve gotten to know someone pretty well.

Take your pet for a walk. I often find it difficult to start conversations with strangers or acquaintances, but that hesitancy disappears when there’s an animal in the mix.  I virtually never touch them due how terribly allergic I am to cats and dogs, but I sure do enjoy seeing a happy, healthy little creature out and about with their human. Telling someone that their pet is gorgeous, smart, or well trained is a great ice breaker.

Compliment them. Speaking of compliments, people often welcome them as well. I generally praise what someone has created – a book; a song; a clever joke; a beautifully decorated cupcake – instead of stuff they only have some control over such as their appearance. There’s less of a chance of them taking that compliment the wrong way. Also, everyone has at least one talent if you search long enough.

Ask open ended questions. For example, what are you looking forward to this summer? That kind of question can be interpreted as specifically or generally as someone wants. They could talk about that blockbuster they can’t wait to see or they could mention something far more personal if they chose. I usually like talking about stuff that isn’t your typical small talk, but I also appreciate having the option of keeping things lighthearted and non-specific if I choose.

Talk about what you love. I’m never going to be the kind of person who enjoys watching sporting events or drinking beer, but I still get a kick out of hearing why other people find that stuff so entertaining. You can learn a lot about someone by listening to them talk about their passions and interests.

Be kind. I find it much easier to open up and chat with kind people. We might not talk about a lot the first time they talk to me, but the second and third conversations can be much longer and more interesting if I walk away with a good first impression of them. I really dislike it when people try to pull me out of my shell the first time they meet me. If they let our interactions evolve naturally instead, they’ll get much more out of me in the future. From what I’ve observed of other shy people, I suspect that a lot of them are the same way.

Now I want to hear what’s worked for you! Let me know in the comments.

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