Traditionally, people weren’t supposed to wear white after Labour Day if they wanted to be seen as fashionable. Almost no one follows this rule anymore, so I thought I’d nominate some guidelines for this time of year.
Let me know which one you want to vote for as the official replacement in the comments below.
- No guilt-trips after Labour Day. Hallothankschrismukkah is rapidly approaching, and soon everyone will be busy preparing for it in a million different ways. This means that no one is going to have the time or energy to accept even a small guilt trip. If you absolutely must send them out, they should be postmarked no later than this afternoon and can only reference things that will be finished by 6 pm sharp this evening.
- No back-to-school shopping after Labour Day. Look, you’ve had weeks to pick up new compasses, sneakers, lunch boxes, replacement charge cords for your electronic devices after the last one got lost on vacation, and spiral notebooks. If you haven’t found everything on the list by now, you probably never will.
- No wearing socks with sandals after Labour Day. That is strictly a summer fashion. There’s no need to continue it into the fall.
- No arguing with Internet trolls after Labour Day. An occasional slip-up during a heat wave is understandable, but they grow louder and stronger if you feed them too much.
- No popsicles after Labour Day. Pumpkin spiced treats are now in season. It’s time to start warming up with them instead of cooling down with freezer snacks. Note: this rule doesn’t apply if you have a sore throat or are otherwise too sick to eat typical autumn meals.
- No Pinterest crafts after Labour Day. Pinterest season begins on the first of December and ends now. The next few months are your chance to relax and regroup before the next cycle of glitter revs up.
- No obligatory gift-giving after Labour Day. If you love buying presents for everyone you’ve ever met, great! There should be no such thing as obligatory gift-giving at this time of year, though. You have the complete freedom to expand or contract the list of people you buy for based on your budget, time constraints, personal preferences, (dis)interest in shopping, and any other criteria that matters to you.