After a severe concussion left her suicidal and bedridden Jane McGonigal invented SuperBetter, a series of daily challenges that improve your physical, emotional, mental and social strength. Some challenges are as simple as drinking a glass of water or taking a walk around the block, others are more complex.
The iPhone app for this game is fun and easy to use although I do find the sound effects a little irritating. You can also play the game on the Super Better website itself.
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I love my life now but deconverting wasn’t always an easy process. Because so many new visitors have discovered On the Other Hand by searching for terms like deconversion grief and depression and deconversion I thought I’d tell my story for them.
It started when I stopped attending church at seventeen. While I was relieved to no longer assume all of the social and emotional responsibilities that came with being a preacher’s kid I missed the automatic sense of community I’d found in the churches I knew as a child.
Soon after The Ooze became my new home. One of the advantages of switching to an online church was that there was always someone around. Rather than waiting until Sunday or Wednesday night to ask tough questions I could start a thread and talk about it right away.
After several years, though, I realized that I was no longer Christian enough even for The Ooze. Sticking around when I no longer identified with even the most liberal idea of god seemed disingenuous but shedding that label (and even more so the emotional connections I’d made) wasn’t easy.
Posting this entry isn’t going to be easy because of the assumption some people make that everyone who deconverts is either full of rage or horribly depressed. I don’t want my words to be twisted, to be thrown into other people’s faces as an example of how horrible life is without belief. It isn’t.
I’m actually quite happy in my everyday existence…but that doesn’t mean the transition was without a few bumps in the road. There were days when I wondered if it would be better to fake even the faintest whisper of a reconversion so I could justify finding a new community. In the end I just couldn’t do it.
Instead I created a new circle of likeminded friends. If you click on the Recommended Reading list on the right hand side of this blog you’ll meet some of them. Not all of them are non-theists but every single person on that list is open to and invigorated by new ideas.
One day I hope I can gather all of them in the same room. We would have a wonderful time together.
What have been your experiences? Do you ever feel like you should self-censor in order to avoid reaffirming stereotypes about your group?
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Here is this week’s list of videos, blog posts and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.
60 Insane Cloud Formations From Around the World via Ken Kaminesky. Number nineteen is the best.
From Awakening:
At that moment, Campbell realized that something had happened to her during her appendectomy, something that changed her forever. After several years of investigation, she figured it out: she had woken up on the table.
This experience is called “intraoperative recall” or “anesthesia awareness,” and it’s more common than you might think.
Introvert Fairy Tales: Sleeping Beauty. It was hard to pick just one post from this blog. All of the tales are good but Sleeping Beauty is the most imaginative retelling of a classic fairy tale.
Nottaway. In what ways do you stereotype the elderly? I, for example, have the tendency to assume that my older relatives should be sheltered from certain things. Because they’ve been alive 70, 80, 90 years I think they will never understand my sexual orientation, (lack of) religious beliefs or choice to remain childless. I also assume they have no interest in modern pop culture. In no way am I proud of this…but that doesn’t stop me from hesitating when the conversation flows into “dangerous” territory.
Getting What She Gave. A poem about what happens when the past no longer is an excuse for someone’s present behaviour.
The most despicably selfish people are often, upon close inspection, feral — they’re consumed by self-preservation, and don’t have the courage or even the capacity to take the emotional risks that are the hallmark of civilized behavior….This isn’t to say that you should handle the feral without gloves. Sometimes the best thing to do is to have nothing to do with them.
What have you been reading?
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Photo by Poco a poco.
Recently some new readers have found this blog using phrases like, “a person wants to apologize but doesn’t think they were wrong.”
I wish we had more details about what’s happening in their lives. Since this didn’t happen here’s are a few questions I recommend asking yourself for future readers who find On the Other Hand through this topic:
These questions are not foolproof but they’re a good start.
I know I’ve said things that later made me cringe. Sometimes I didn’t realize how terrible they sounded until long after the conversation ended.
Barring an abusive environment I think it’s good to apologize if you’re able to do so genuinely. If you can’t fully apologize don’t give a half-hearted, “I’m sorry if you were offended.” This will only make things worse.
If I was in this situation I’d say, “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” If they were open to it I may start a conversation about why X is offensive or what I should say instead in the future.
How have you reacted in this situation? Do you agree or disagree with my advice?
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Photo by Flicka Catherine.
This series of essays about whether women should wear makeup caught my eye.
Of the seven entries three say we should wear it. The other four think it’s a personal choice but all but one of them either regularly wear makeup or are married to women who do.
No one seriously questions why women feel they need to wear makeup or argues that our culture would be better off without it. No one even asks why we’re still having this debate in 2013, as if what a woman puts on her face is at all relevant for the 99.99% of us who aren’t professional models.
I know people who’ve worn it daily, occasionally or not at all for as many years as I’ve known them. Sometimes we gather in the same room and proceed to not care at all about what other people do with their skin.
If we were bored I suppose we could broach the topic but it would be an actual debate. One in which some think makeup is an expensive waste of time (or worse!), others who never leave the house without wearing it, and still others who find it useful for, say, formal pictures.
Framing these essays as a debate is like me asking if Star Trek: Voyager was the best drama of the 1990s or of the entire 20th century while one person argues that the last few seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation were better.
Trekkies may care but everyone else is wondering why the frame for the original question is so lopsided.
Do you find yourself equally irritated with loaded questions? What is the point of hosting a debate so heavily weighted from one perspective that everyone more or less agrees with it?
Most importantly, which series was better: Voyager or TNG? 😉
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Here is this week’s list of blog posts, poems and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.
From Why Do Sidewalks Predict Whom We’ll Vote For?:
Heuristic: if a place has sidewalks, it votes Democratic. Otherwise, it votes Republican.
Skeptically Emerging. Rob is an atheist who thinks there should be room in the emergent/emerging church movement for people who don’t believe in god. This is his brand new blog on theology, improving relations between theists and non-theists and (maybe) starting a church for skeptics. I’m a little wary of how this idea would pan out in a large, organized group like a church but I admire Rob’s enthusiasm and willingness to think outside the box and look forward to seeing how his ideas develop.
Don’t Spread It. A humorous poem about flu season.
The Moral Case for Sex Before Marriage. I don’t actually care when, how or with whom my readers have sex (assuming it’s consensual) but I do strongly prefer living in a city where ideas about sex and sexuality aren’t dominated by one voice. There are so many different cultures and religions here in Toronto that it’s all but impossible for one group to speak for everyone. That’s a good thing.
The Truth About Mistakes. I love this.
From There’s Nothing Mutual About It:
Nor can the unpleasantness of being criticized and ridiculed be separated from the immediate cause of that criticism and ridicule — the fact that the criticism and ridicule is a response to those folks trying to enforce, encode and defend legal discrimination.
So both sides have real grievances, but those grievances are in no way proportional or comparable.
What have you been reading?
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A proposition for 2013: we need more stories about forbidden fruit.
In Love and Other Perishable Items Amelia, 15, and Chris, 21, fall in love while working together at a grocery store. They’re both trapped in unfulfilling lives for different reasons and find kindred spirits in one another. Of course, acting on their feelings is illegal until Amelia reaches the age of consent.
What surprised me the most about this book was how quickly it was labelled controversial. It’s difficult for me to argue against that label without giving away spoilers but this story is pretty tame even under the standards of mainstream teen fiction.
Teenagers falling in love with older people is nothing new. It happened regularly in the small, midwestern town where I lived as an adolescent and young adult. A childhood friend started dating a guy who was in high school when we were in the 7th grade. I lost touch with her after graduation but during our senior year of school they were planning their wedding.
Not everything in life is black and white.
Another story: one of my closest friends in junior high and early high school was a a gifted writer and one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. He also smoked weed. A lot of it. On paper the quiet, obedient, honors student that I was had nothing in commons with this boy and yet he’s the only classmate I miss. Our connection was never romantic but I’d love to see how his life turned out.
No, I’m not encouraging anyone to break the law. But we do teens – everyone, in fact – a disservice when we assume that their feelings aren’t real or that if we mention “controversial” subjects without sermonizing they’ll take that conversation as a license to do whatever they want.
It’s entirely possible to read a book, listen to a song or watch a movie without emulating the characters.
It’s also possible that nuanced discussions on topic X make people less likely to try it in unsafe ways. I almost always saw through the myths adults told me about sex, alcohol and other hot topics. What they really taught me was that their opinions couldn’t be trusted but factually accurate information is empowering.
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“I realize many potential supporters may be disappointed by this news, but I feel there must be at least one or two qualified candidates among the 73 Canadians who are already running. Together, they will likely call Mr. Harper every name I could have thought up myself. I take comfort from that, as should all Canadians.”
With this declaration, Mr. Potyondi joins a distinct minority of Canadians who are not running for the Liberal leadership.
In my experience the average Canadian tends to have a basic understanding of U.S. history, culture, politics and current events but people in the U.S. know virtually nothing about Canadian history, culture, politics or current events.
Yes, there are exceptions but as someone who has lived in both countries sometimes sweeping generalizations start with a kernel of truth.
This is why I was so excited to stumbled across Disstemper, a brand new political satire blog about Canadian politicians and current events.
The humour they’ve displayed so far shows glimmers of being darkly, fiercely Canadian. Will the jokes translate well to international readers? I certainly hope so!
Let me know what you think of it in the comment section.
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If I had the time and resources to take up a cause, I can think of none better for me than to lobby the school boards to include relationship courses in their curriculums. And I would want such courses to not only teach kids a variety of relationship skills — such as how to negotiate with others and reach a fair compromise — but perhaps most importantly, how to recognize, avoid, or escape from an abusive partner.
From Should Schools Teach About Relationships?
Click on the link to read the rest of Paul’s post. I actually agree with almost everything he said but I have some concerns about this idea that I’d like to discuss today.
First, who would create this curriculum? The public high school I attended taught abstinence-based sex education. Because our community was so religiously fundamentalist and politically conservative the curriculum rigidly reinforced 1950s gender roles and assumed every student was heterosexual. Academically it was a fantastic school but I shudder to think what they would have taught us about relationships in general had health class been expanded to include this.
Second, how would you avoid controversy? Some families believe in strict hierarchies, others are egalitarian. Others say that their god intended men and women, adults and children to assume certain roles in the family depending on their age and gender, others don’t believe in god or don’t think god wants these things. One culture’s expectations of privacy, what love looks like or how to tell if your relationship is a good one may be quite different from another culture’s opinion. This is not to say that we can’t find common ground, only that I think creating one definition of healthy relationships that every culture and religion agrees upon can be tricky.
Third, can this help teens who have already been abused? Statistically speaking about 25% of the students will have been sexually abused, 11% physically abused, and 9% neglected by age 18 and none of these statistics include verbal or emotional abuse. [source]. For a significant percentage of the class this is something they’ve personally experienced. It’s not an abstract discussion. I do wonder if learning what a healthy relationship looks like will help them not to continue the cycleas a victim or a perpetrator. Many abused children grow up to be great parents…but some recreate what happened to them with their own kids. But I also wonder if bringing up painful memories in a non-clinical setting is a good idea…
What do you think? Does Paul have a good idea? How would you structure a class about healthy relationships?
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Happy Sunday! I’m sprucing up the blog this weekend.
You may have noticed a tag cloud on the left hand side of this site. I’ve started with my most recent posts and am working my way back to the beginning so not every post is labelled yet.
Link Love (formerly Recommended Reading) has also been updated. Let me know if I missed anyone.
More updates are coming.
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