Hosted by Long and Short Reviews.
Click here to read everyone else’s replies to this week’s question and here to see the full list of topics for the year.
I’ll give you an illustration of one of my biggest pet peeves and then explain why it annoys me so much because it involves a few different behaviours that often come bundled together like the world’s worst “Buy One, Get One Free” sale.
(Yes, I am currently recovering from a cold in real life as well, but I am almost entirely better now. Also, how cute is that suspicious little ostrich?)
Worried Person (WP): “How are you doing?”
Me: “Good, how about you? How’s work?”
WP, slightly more worried: “But what about your cough?”
Me, still calm but bracing for the storm: “Oh, I still have it, but it’s improving. It was just a minor cold, after all. Let’s talk about something else instead. What’s new in your life?”
WP, visibly distressed: “This isn’t good. You need to take this fistful of vitamins, get a lot of rest, and see your doctor first thing tomorrow for antibiotics. I’m really worried about you.”
Me, annoyed: “I’m keeping an eye on it, thanks. Please stop or I’ll have to end this conversation. How is your dog doing?”
WP, panicking: “No! You could die if you don’t get this treated as soon as possible and I would never be able to forgive myself. This could be whooping cough, lung cancer, or tuberculosis. Maybe you have all of them! I can’t sleep until the ER doctor says you’re not dying.”
Me, exiting the coversation deeply irritated.
Why are these types of conversations my pet peeve?
1. Unsolicited advice
This is particularly true if it’s common sense or something that shows up on the first page of your search engine of choice. It feels condescending and smothering to me, especially when it’s a pattern of behaviour or the person doing it has a history of ignoring basic boundaries. If I want advice, I will ask for it. Answering a direct question means I’m trying to include someone in my life, not that I need them to tell me what to do.
2. Terrible advice
Yes, a cough can be a sign of a life-threatening illness on occasion, but it can also be a perfectly normal part of seasonal allergies or of recovering from any number of mild illnesses among other possibilities.
I’d much rather talk to a professional about a problem I have than to someone who assumes the worst of everything, has zero factual knowledge on the topic, and panics over everything.
3. Making everything about themselves
I believe in the Ring Theory where you provide comfort to a person currently experiencing a crisis or problem of some sort. Instead of expecting the patient or grieving person to comfort you, you seek emotional support from others who are even further removed from whatever is going on.
So if someone hears me cough and habitually tries to get me to soothe their emotions about my medical (or other) issues, they will no longer be receiving updates about anything in my life more personal than the weather report from that day forward until or unless I see concrete evidence that they’ve changed this behaviour.
4. Assuming the worst
Having a cough does not mean you automatically need to see a doctor, much less be hospitalized or eulogized. Most coughs can be treated easily and safely at home, especially if they’re improving over time and you don’t have any other worrisome symptoms or underlying health conditions that complicate the issue.
While I have sympathy for them, people who automatically leap to the worst possible outcome for every scenario exhaust me. If something bad happens, I deal with it. I do not have the emotional energy to run around in a frenzy assuming that terrible things are in my future, though, and it is wildly unhelpful to jump to Z and start all but planning my funeral when I’m still working on possibilities A, B, and C which are much more likely to be the truth and fix my problem.
5. Ignoring multiple conversational cues to change the topic.
You’ll notice that I gave this hypothetical person multiple chances to talk about literally anything else before I became too annoyed with them to continue. I don’t expect perfection from anyone, including myself, but people who purposefully bulldoze their way through social interactions are rapidly given far less time and energy from me.
Now you know about the sort of stuff that makes me grumpy. I look forward to seeing how everyone else answers this question!
When someone needs help, I’m the sort of person who will leap to the occasion. That’s a positive character trait in many situations, but sometimes it can be taken too far if you don’t also look after your own needs or if the person who wants help doesn’t respect boundaries.
Happy early Valentine’s Day to everyone to celebrates it!
Needless to say, pressuring someone to eat something you know will make them ill is awful advice.
I find it interesting how we are all encouraged to over-indulge during multiple holidays from October to December only to be bombarded with weight loss and fitness ads come January 1.
Any lifestyle change takes time not only to turn into a habit but to preserve as a normal part of one’s routines.
Will you be dancing? Lifting weights? 
Google analytics keeps showing me visitors who found this blog by searching for phrases like “how to get quiet people to speak up.” It seems like a good discussion topic, so let’s jump into it!
Some people excel at filling every potential moment of silence in a conversation with words.
There’s something wonderful about open-ended questions that do their best to avoid assumptions.
If possible, choose a smaller group of people to talk to instead of a larger one. I find it much easier to chime in when a few other folks are taking turns talking than when a dozen or more people have joined the conversation.
I’ll admit to being the sort of person who sometimes plays conversations out in my head before they happen.
Observe
But I also believe in natural consequences and in putting emotional energy into relationships that are healthy and reciprocal. The only person I can control is myself, so there have been times in my life when I’ve reduced or eliminated the time I spent with someone based on their behaviours and current level of introspection.
