Happy Sunday! I’m sprucing up the blog this weekend.
You may have noticed a tag cloud on the left hand side of this site. I’ve started with my most recent posts and am working my way back to the beginning so not every post is labelled yet.
Link Love (formerly Recommended Reading) has also been updated. Let me know if I missed anyone.
More updates are coming.
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Here is this week’s list of blog posts, quotes, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.
Wanna make a monster? Take the parts of yourself that make you uncomfortable — your weaknesses, bad thoughts, vanities, and hungers — and pretend they’re across the room. It’s too ugly to be human. It’s too ugly to be you. Children are afraid of the dark because they have nothing real to work with. Adults are afraid of themselves.- Richard Siken, “Black Telephone”
What if Disney’s Princess Movies Were Horror Stories? I’m a big fan of reworking classics but these tales are definitely not kid-friendly. Then again, neither were many of the originals!
Sexist Humor No Laughing Matter. I wouldn’t be surprised if the same can be said about racist, homophobic, classist, etc. jokes as well. Laughter is wonderful…but not if it’s coming at the expense of someone else.
Sisters Separated by WWII and Seventy Years, Reunited by Facebook. Wow, I can’t imagine the emotional pain Tanija and Hedija Talic and their brother experienced. My brothers and I had typical childhood squabbles growing up, of course, but I bonded with them before they were even born. One of my favourite memories is of Jesse and me having a long conversation with our very pregnant mother’s belly about everything we wanted to show the new baby. To be separated from my siblings would have been excruciating. I hope this family has many happy years together and is able to find their missing brother.
What Would the Apocalypse Mean To You? A great thought experiment.
12 Ways to Make Talking to Strangers Less Awkward via mediocreventure. I disagree with the book recommendation in this link as I don’t find Dale Carnegie’s work to be helpful. The list, though, is worth reading.
On a lighter note:
What have you been reading?
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Anonymous asks:
How has your worldview towards people with disabilities changed?
I’ve come to realize that there are certain things I will never understand about living with a disability because I don’t have personal experience with it.
I’ve said and done things that I didn’t know were offensive and felt quite guilty when I learned my offhand comments or questions were hurtful.
You can have the best of intentions and still hurt someone, though. We all have blind spots and that’s one of the reasons why I like microagressions so much. Most of the entries involve people saying dumb things out of ignorance, not malice.
Rather than continuing to say or believe ignorant things I want to know the truth.
I know I much prefer it when others ask me about bisexuality, non-theism, childfree living or other aspects of my life they don’t necessarily understand. The only times I’ve been offended by such questions is when the person asking them has already decided who I am and is determined to hack the limbs off of my real answer until it fits into their box labelled “Lydia.”
Luckily, this sort of interaction doesn’t happen every day!
Readers, what are your favourite sites about living with disabilities? How would you answer anonymous’ question?
Do you have a question? Submit it through the contact form, in the comment section or by emailing postmaster AT on-the-other-hand DOT com.
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Photo by Kanko.
So last Saturday I posted a link to this article about terrible sex scenes in modern novels.
In response my friend Zora wrote this hilarious satire. My favourite section is as follows:
She looked at him with eyes as moist as huevos rancheros, and the tiny pink bud of her lips was like a perfectly formed rose on the top of a birthday cake, artfully sculpted, reminding him of his birthday candle which he imagined her blowing out, wondering what her secret wish might be. Her body was full and soft like a ripe peach, and her perfectly round breasts bounced languidly like buoys on the surface of a calm sea. The look on her face was one of the most intense desire, and sensing the fire in her loins, he leaned down to that sweet furnace and lit a cigarette.
Click on the link above for the entire story. Need I say it’s NSFW? Well, unless you write or publish these kinds of stories for a living. 😉
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Recently I had a conversation with someone who doesn’t understand my tendency to read blogs and books written by people with whom I disagree. Why not focus on everyone who sees the world exactly the way that you do?
Well, many of the writers I follow do agree with me. There’s comfort in spending time with people who share your beliefs and don’t need lengthy explanations about X, Y or Z.
With that being said here are 3 reasons why it’s beneficial to read stuff that ruffles your feathers, too:
1. You might be wrong. I might be wrong, too! There’s value in holding opinions in the palm of your hands instead of in a clenched fist. Occasionally I’ve changed my opinion midstream when the person I’m speaking with introduces me to a new way of looking at the topic. Even if everyone walk away with no changes to our ideas we will at least know how others think.
2. They’re good writers. Knowing how to clearly communicate through the written word is a gift. I’ve winced through far too many poorly-constructed books, blog posts and essays in my 29 years to continue giving them my attention. At this point I’d much rather focus on story-tellers (fiction and non-fiction alike) who know this craft well enough to creatively break the rules.
3. Friendly disagreement sharpens your mind. Disagreement doesn’t always mean conflict and conflict isn’t always bad. Once one begins to temper the urge to always be right there is so much we can learn from examining what it is we believe and why it is we believe it. It takes a long time for me to grow comfortable enough to do this with other people as it can lead you to quite vulnerable places. The list of folks who have made it so far is fairly small (and even they know not to push certain topics) but the rewards are long-lasting.
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Here is this week’s list of blog posts, photographs and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.
When Good Paranormal Fantasy Sex Scenes Go Really, Really Bad. This is why I’ve yet to include sex scenes in my stories. It’s quite difficult to write one without falling into tired tropes or using metaphors that just don’t work.
Smile. I dare you to not to smile.
From A Letter to Adam , The Newtown Killer:
Dear Adam,
Let me start by saying that I wish for you to find peace. It would be easy just to call you a monster and condemn you for evermore, but I don’t think that would help either of us.
Codecademy. No, that isn’t a typo. Codecademy is a free, online tutorial for anyone who wants to learn programming languages like Javascript, HTML or CSS. I’m pretty computer literate but have yet to find a method for learning this sort of thing that doesn’t make me feel like a bad geek for not already knowing concept X. Until now.
Draw a Stickman via Mzzlee. An interactive drawing game.
Best Practices for Raising Kids? Look to the Hunter-Gatherers. One of the biggest cultural differences between downtown Toronto and northwest Ohio is how over-protected kids are in the former. In the 8 years I’ve lived here I’ve never seen anyone under the age of 12 walk down the street alone. Even in the suburbs kids don’t seem to have the freedom to wander around that I had growing up. A few years ago a teenage relative was forbidden from browsing on a different floor the library because there weren’t any adults from the family on that floor. This makes me feel sad because Toronto is an incredibly safe city. While I’d never tell others how to raise their children I wish the culture here was less neurotic. Part of becoming a well-rounded adult is learning to manage time, memorize how streets and landmarks interact (e.g. how to get un-lost if you wander too far) and solve interpersonal problems without assistance.
Winter is poetry season. The juxtaposition between the lively imagery in A Thousand Mornings and the grey world around us (at least in continental climates) is delicious. The grass and trees may be dormant for the next few months but our imaginations are fertile!
What have you been reading?
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Late last year my friend Zora blogged her replies to what a search engine came up with when she typed in the phrase, “nothing is more important.”
A few weeks after she posted this entry I kept finding articles about how google filters what we see on the Internet. You and I can enter the exact same word or phrase into google and get quite different results based on our previous browsing and search term history.
With this in mind let’s all search for Zora’s phrase and compare our results. Zora listed 7 items so I will stop at that number as well.
Here is what I ended up seeing:
1. Nothing is more important than money. Assuming you have enough money to pay for the basics I completely disagree with this.
2. Nothing is more important than a fair trial. This is pretty important.
3. Ain’t nothing more important than the mula. These are apparently lyrics from a Big Sean song. I am so out of touch with mainstream music nowadays.
4. Nothing is more important than relationships. Depending on the relationship, absolutely.
5. Nothing is more important than educating girls. This PDF would agree with that statement.
6. Nothing is more important than teaching compassion. This is tied with #2 for being the closest to the truth.
7. Nothing is more important than editing. For writers this is crucial. Poor editing can destroy an otherwise amazing concept. While great editing can’t make an unlikable character or terrible plot suddenly worth your time it will make you wince less as you read it.
What were your results?
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We’ll go back to discussing serious topics on Thursday. In the meantime this is a fun short film about a boy who desperately wants to lose his robot. Enjoy!
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Here is the final list of blog posts, quotes, poems, paintings, charts and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web for 2012.
I know this quote is talking about individual human beings but it’s thought-provoking to apply it to our species as a whole (or even to the year that we will soon bid farewell!)
We die containing a richness of lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have plunged into and swum up as if rivers of wisdom, characters we have climbed into as if trees, fears we have hidden in as if caves. I wish for all this to be marked on my body when I am dead. I believe in such cartography – to be marked by nature, not just to label ourselves on a map like the names of rich men and women on buildings. We are communal histories, communal books.- Michael Ondaatje
Mermaids of the Canary Islands. This painting is a great short story prompt if any of you are looking for such a thing.
How an ENFP Celebrates the Holidays: AKA Why You Should Invite an ENFP to Your Holiday Party. If I were planning to throw a New Year’s Eve party I’d invite this blogger in a heartbeat. She sounds like a delightful guest! Hopefully she wouldn’t mind this INFP writing a few poems about her the next morning.
The First Rule of Hug Club. I like this idea but I have complicated feelings about hugging. I’m cuddly with my spouse and love hugs from family members and friends but social situations in which one is expected to give physical affection make me quite uncomfortable. Hugs should always be given and accepted freely. They should never be an obligation.
The Basement. Go take a look at this photo essay. Everything I want to say about it will spoil the surprise but you’ll like it more if you have no idea what to expect. Don’t worry, it’s nothing frightening!
The Meaning of Life Illustrated. The 9 pleasures of stimulation chart is a tongue-in-cheek look at the meaning of life. My favourite combinations are AG, DH, EH and HI.
From Lights Out:
a child’s question
pulls my attention
from a book to his questing eyes
‘did you ever fall in love?’
I’m not ashamed to admit how much I loved this book, though. It was funny in a deliciously snarky (although never cruel) way and the interactions between Althea and her beaus reminded me of the pitfalls of modern dating and relationships. Too often we think more about making a good impression than actually getting to know the person sitting across the table from us.
What have you been reading?
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Comic by Liz Climo
As I mentioned on Monday blog traffic is quite slow around here this time of year, but I would like to talk about books with those of you who are still around.
Here’s my list of must-reads:
After: Nineteen Stories of Apocalypse and Dystopia by Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling. These genres shine in the short story format. As much as I love dystopian fiction sometimes entire novels focusing on the same ideas can be overwhelming. This is even more true for the creepiest stories. If you only have time to read one of these stories make it “The Segment.” The twist in it was chilling in large part because I can see how easily it could actually happen in our world.
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. At first glance Hailsham appears to be a typical English boarding school but as Kathy and her circle of friends grow older they begin to unravel the mystery surrounding the only home they’ve ever known. I figured out what was happening early on but the ethical questions this book raises are chilling and based on how I interpreted the ending are not at all resolved in a typical manner. Online reviews are split as to whether Ishiguro intended to write these characters that way. Some people think he was actually trying to make the opposite statement but didn’t write certain scenes clearly enough. I disagree with this theory.
Stitches by David Small. An autobiographic graphic novel about a teenage boy who is treated for cancer without being told his diagnosis or that he isn’t expected to survive. I’m hoping his mother’s life is the focus of a future book as her experiences haemorrhaged into so much of David’s suffering. Some people respond to horrific trauma by doing everything they can to end the cycle for good. Most folks I’ve known who chose this path were extremely successful at protecting the next generation. Others recreate the terrible circumstances and play the role of the abuser this time. Often they succeed.
Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotypes of the Promiscuous Young Male by Andrew P. Smiler. Abstinence-only sex ed taught me that men can never be trusted completely because they’ll say and do anything to get you in bed. While I don’t agree with all of the assumptions in this book I’m so glad to see more people pushing back against this stereotype. There will always be individuals who take advantage of others but they are not the standard by which entire groups should be measured.
Gwinna by Barbara Helen Berger. I first read this story 20 years ago and still lull myself to sleep some nights wondering about these characters. The plot in a nutshell: a lonely infertile couple asks Mother Owl to give them a child. She agrees under the condition that the child be allowed to return home on her 12th birthday. As their daughter grows up her mother binds her wings in order to prevent her flying back to Mother Owl. This works…until it doesn’t. What happens to Gwinna after she discovers her destiny is why this is the best children’s book ever written.
Delights and Shadows by Ted Kooser. A book of poetry Sabio Lantz recommended. Ted Kooser’s affinity for the written word shines through his work. This is the kind of poetry that seeps into your bones. A week, a month, a year passes and then one day these words bubble back up again in a quiet moment.
My favourite lines from this collection include:
The bright wire rolls like a porpoise in and out of the calm blue sea – “A Spiral Notebook”
and
I was that old man you saw sitting in a confetti of yellow light – “That Was I”
What are you reading over the holidays?
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