So, you’ve finally chosen a political party. Congratulations! Here are a few things to remember as your country prepares for the upcoming election:
1) God is on your side.
2) There’s no such thing as common ground. Either they have the unvarnished truth or you do.
3) Except when it comes to atheists and agnostics. Everybody knows that it’s impossible to be a moral, upstanding citizen without god.
4) The best way to convince others to agree with you is to start a heated political debate every time you see them. Don’t worry if they start changing the topic or asking you to talk about other things instead. This simply means they’ve realized that you’re right.
5) The best way to win political and religious converts is by insisting that the country cannot be governed properly without consulting your holy book. The more you intertwine the two the more both appeal to those with other beliefs.
6) When in doubt assume the worst-case scenario if one of their people is elected and the best case if one of your own wins.
7) You can tell how qualified and trustworthy a candidate is by how closely his or her religious beliefs match your own
8 ) Don’t waste time learning about the political systems of other countries or how the decisions made by your leaders may affect them. If possible, refuse to learn even the names of their leaders or the outcomes of their elections. Information like this only clouds your judgment and makes voting that much more difficult.
9) It’s ok to lie about what the other side says, believes or does if it furthers your cause.
10) Finally, never forget that god has a special plan for your country that can only be brought to fruition if enough people vote for your party. Anyone who votes for someone else is sending a clear message about to whom they’ve given their allegiance.
0 Responses to How to Discuss Politics
Do you pull this from some Tea Party manual or handbook? 😀
Heh, I’ve seen so much coverage of upcoming US and Canadian elections lately that the sarcasm/satire is leaking out uncontrollably.
If only it was only the Tea Party! Although, they do seem better at it than the others…
I take issue with #1, you say “God is on your side” like he’s on the side of everyone who reads your blog when I am pretty sure that he’s only on MY side. Although I suppose he might also be on yours if you believe all the same things I do. 😉