What If I Don’t Wear Makeup?

Photo by Anita Martinz.

New visitors to this site continue to find it through some very interesting search log queries. Recently someone found On the Other Hand by typing this into their search bar:

What if I don’t wear makeup?

This is (probably) what would happen:

nothing.

From what I’ve seen over the past 29 years, most people are far too wrapped up in their own lives to notice what’s going on with everyone else.

The only time I immediately notice other people wearing makeup is when it’s obviously the wrong colour for their skin tones – think someone wearing a foundation that’s four or five shades darker (or lighter) than their actual skin tone.

This applies to men and women equally. I’ve worked with people of both genders for months, sometimes years, before looking up one day and wondering, “hey, when did Joe/Jill start wearing eyeshadow?”

Maybe other people notice these things but I’m not someone for whom this makes an impression.

Here are some things I’ve noticed that actually do make a difference:

  • Making small talk.
  • Offering up your seat to someone who needs it more.
  • Finding an outfit that makes you feel good. I’m anything but a fashionista…but there’s something to be said for walking down the street with the bounce in your step that comes from wearing flattering clothing.
  • Contacting someone you haven’t spoken with in a while just to say hello.
  • Smiling.

By all means wear makeup if you like how it feels and looks.

Just don’t do it because you think other people will have an issue with it if you don’t. We really don’t care.

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Suggestion Saturday: June 9, 2012

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, articles and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

From Does Organic Food Make You a Jerk?

According to a study by a Loyola University professor, people who eat organic are more judgmental and less inclined to engage in altruistic behavior. In short: Maybe you’ll live longer if you eat organic, but everyone will wish you hadn’t.

I’m not thrilled with the methodology of this study but the results are eyebrow raising. If this sort of trend actually does exist I think it’s the result of rigid, judgmental personalities and not the food itself, though. I’ve seen similarly snobby attitudes about all kinds of stuff: religion, politics, gender roles, etc.

Contemporary Authors We Think We’ll Still be Reading in 100 Years. Looking for some new reading material? One of these authors might be right up your alley. I can vouch for anything from Doris Lessing if you like science fiction or fantasy. Her writing is extraordinary.

The Image Language. This is one of the most incredible websites I’ve ever visited. Click on the link, type any sentence or paragraph into the box on the left and hit enter. The site automatically posts the first google picture connected with each word in your entry. You end up with a collage of images that, as much as I’d never think to link them together, often really do match up well to the tone of your text.

The Dangers of Rom-Coms. Go pop on over to my friend ‘Seph’s blog for a thought-provoking discussion about how romantic comedies mislead us on what a healthy relationship looks like.

We Love to See You Smile. As much of a cliche as this may be to say a small act of kindness can have a big effect on someone who is having a terrible day. Click on the link to read one such story.

My reading list has been skimpy lately but I finally found something worth recommending. Everyone hopes that they and their loved ones live long and healthy lives. When this dream is disturbed by a bad diagnosis the fear can be overwhelming.

Memoir of a Debulked Woman tells the story of Susan Gubar’s experience with ovarian cancer. I’ve had two loved ones struggle with serious illnesses in the last few years. (No, neither of them have ovarian cancer.) I know what it’s like to be a family member of someone in this situation – this book shows you what it’s like to be diagnosed with something  terrible.

What have you been reading?

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Wild Card Wednesday: On the Grasshopper

Welcome to summer!

John Keats’ “On the Grasshopper and the Cricket” captures the sluggishness of this time of year well:

The poetry of earth is never dead:
   When all the birds are faint with the hot sun,
   And hide in cooling trees, a voice will run
From hedge to hedge about the new-mown mead;
That is the Grasshopper's--he takes the lead
   In summer luxury,--he has never done
   With his delights; for when tired out with fun
He rests at ease beneath some pleasant weed.
The poetry of earth is ceasing never:
   On a lone winter evening, when the frost
      Has wrought silence, from the stove there shrills
The Cricket's song, in warmth increasing ever,
   And seems to one in drowsiness half lost,
      The Grasshopper's among some grassy hills.

			

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Should You Forgive Someone Who Has Anger Issues?

How do I forgive someone without speaking to him or her?

How to forgive someone who doesn’t know they’re wrong?

Should I forgive when an apology isn’t given?

My search logs for On the Other Hand have been blowing up lately with questions about forgiveness. These are just a sample of them.

I’ve talked about this before but I thought I’d expand on this topic today. (Click on the links if you’re interested in reading about the how of forgiveness.)

History

I grew up in religious traditions that heavily emphasized forgiveness. My parents grew up Mennonite and passed many of those values down to their children. Turning the other cheek is the definition of that denomination.

When I was young my parents attended/pastored churches that believed in stuff like demonic possession. One of the ways demons were thought to gain a foothold in your life was by latching on to something in your life (some people call these doorways): an unconfessed sin, a traumatic experience, reading or listening to the wrong thing, a sin committed by your ancestor, etc.

People who were thought to be possessed by an evil spirit were encouraged to purge their lives of anything that might draw negative beings near them.

The Upside…

Of this is that I grew into an adult who very rarely holds a grudge. If anything I’d bend over backwards to restore a damaged relationship even if the other person hadn’t done anything to show that he or she was truly sorry.

Is this a bad trait? Not always. It’s much hard to make an enemy of someone who is (virtually) always willing to reconcile.

My challenge in my 20s, though, has been and is to find the balance between reconciliation and setting boundaries with people who run roughshod over them. In the past it’s been hard for me to say, “it really hurt me when you did X.” My first impulse is to forgive and forget without ever really talking about it or asking for different behaviour in the future.

This isn’t good.

How Have I Changed This?

By getting pissed off.

There comes a time when you’ve had enough. My definition of that term probably isn’t yours in any given situation. And I’ll admit that I’m still learning how to be more assertive. Each step in that direction is a small victory.

But when I’ve had enough, I’ve had enough.

I’ll forgive but I won’t forget.

Internet searchers, this is what I recommend you do as well. By all means forgive for the sake of your own health but remember that you have options. Forgiveness isn’t a free pass for anyone to keep causing harm to you.

You can forgive and never speak to that person again. You can forgive and take a giant step back from them. You can forgive someone without giving them your trust again.

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Suggestion Saturday: June 2, 2012

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, videos, articles, surprises and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Click Here. Normally I tell you exactly what to expect with Suggestion Saturday links. This time I’m not giving anything away. (Don’t worry – this is nothing frightening or pornographic. I just want you to be as surprised as I was when I discovered it. 🙂 )

New from MIT: Needleless, Pain-free Injections. The best news I’ve heard all week! I wonder how long it will be before it becomes standard treatment?

From The Pro-Life Paradox. I thought it was satire at first:

It would be logical to expect, then, that these new restrictions on abortion would be accompanied by increased public services for women and children—especially for children with developmental disabilities…But nothing of the sort is happening. Instead, even as state legislators are finding new ways to interfere with a woman’s or couple’s decisions about baby-making, they are reducing the services upon which families depend.

 13 Kids and Wanting More. A fascinating documentary about large families in Britain. Everyone I know who has kids has reached a point where they realized that X number of children was the most they could care of well.  These families don’t seem to hit that wall. So interesting!

What have you been reading?

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Through the Glass Clearly

Photo by Cgs.

I love the anthropomorphism in this photograph.

What is this jar thinking?

Ahead of it lies a dimly lit sidewalk, a few splashes of green hunkering down on either side of the path.

In the summer this would be a cool, delicious walk on a humid day. In the winter, though, the icy shadows and curled tendrils of dead or sleeping plants would make the same journey feel far more isolating.

Now this is where things get interesting: the jar isn’t looking at the path ahead. It cannot see what’s down there without hopping past the mirror.

What the jar can see is itself dappled with sunlight. It can see another section of the path and  behind it the beginning of what looks to be a gorgeous little garden. It’s no more or less shaded than the rest of the path but somehow having several plants huddled together makes it feel sunnier.

Which direction does the jar prefer?

I don’t know.

But I’m having a wonderful time climbing into its (imaginary) mind to find out.

Respond

What do you think?

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Suggestion Saturday: May 26, 2012

Here is this week’s list of tests (another first for Suggestion Saturday!), blog posts, comics and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

I read an average of 665 words per minute for the three different selections in this quiz. One one selection I answered two of the three comprehension question correctly. I got perfect scores for the other two. How many words per minute do you read?

The Benefits of Being a Ghost. I don’t have an opinion on the existence of ghosts but this was really funny.

Of Dogs and Lizards: A Parable of Privilege. A thought-provoking, modern day parable about how the same environment can be experienced in completely different ways by different individuals. Do I agree with the assumptions the author makes? I don’t actually know yet. But I’m intrigued by them.

The Dragon in My Garage. Another parable I came across this week. While the narrator and his neighbours argue about invisible dragons that may (or may not) actually live in their garages I sit across the street and wonder why they prefer arguing indoors over sitting peacefully in the warm sunshine. 😉

What have you been reading?

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A Time to Trim

Food poisoning knocked me off my feet this past weekend. Once the worst of it had passed I decided to cull my RSS feed. When I wrote this post on Saturday I was feeling shaky and really wasn’t up to going out anywhere.

It was sad to see how many blogs have quieted in the last six to twelve months. Some of them have been temporarily abandoned due to serious illness or other circumstances that make it hard to keep writing. Others just stopped. I don’t know if their writers lost interest, suffered a personal tragedy or started a new blog elsewhere.

Silence.

It’s easy to celebrate a beginning.

It’s much more difficult to be happy about an end. There was no joy in hitting unsubscribe, in contacting old blogging acquaintances I haven’t heard from in a very long time. The Mystery of the Disappearing Blogger ™ rarely ends with a happy return to blogging.

Yet there was small puff of satisfaction when I reached the end of my RSS feed. The list is all tidied up and most of my favourite blogs are still chugging along nicely.

Respond

What have you trimmed out of your life lately?

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Suggestion Saturday: May 19, 2012

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, photos, recipes, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

From Things I Once Believed Were True:

When I was little, I asked my mom why people hated hippies. (Right after asking her what a hippie was.) She replied: “Well, people thought they were dirty, and that they slept around.”

Having no knowledge of euphemisms at such a tender age, I naturally assumed that “sleeping around” meant a person who would wake up in the morning, then go into their living room and take a nap.

Mommy, Where Do LEGO Babies Come From? Fun fact: my parents used to joke that they’d only had sex three times – once for each kid. In other news apparently Mr. and Ms. Lego had a really, really good time recently.

Rhubarb Curd. I’ve never posted a recipe on Suggestion Saturday before but this one looks incredible for those of you who aren’t vegan or allergic to milk. To be honest I don’t remember well what any dairy products taste like these days (and I enjoy not having a scarily swollen face just a little to much to remind my taste buds  😉 ), but I think yogurt is somewhat sweet? If you try it let us know what you think!

Why Should Religion Get a Free Ride? If you aren’t following Greta Christina’s blog yet you’re missing out. She posts such thought-provoking material. I have no interest in deconverting theists but I agree that the same standards should apply to everyone. Either it’s appropriate to try to talk everyone/anyone out of their (ir)religious beliefs or it isn’t.  What general-you identifies as is irrelevant.

But What About the Aliens? President Obama can neither confirm nor deny the existence of aliens.

This week’s book recommendation: The Scrapbook of Frankie Pratt. It follows the young adulthood of a flapper and looks like a real scrapbook – lots of pictures and souvenirs, just a few words. I found Frankie to be a little too 2012 in certain ways* given that she was born in the early 1900s and lived a pretty sheltered childhood but it was still a fantastic read.

What have you been reading?

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The Problem With Moving Away

Photo by Dave Morris

Seven years ago I moved 350 miles away from the small town where I spent the second half of my childhood.

This was something I started thinking about almost as soon as we moved there. It wasn’t a dangerous or terrible place to live by any means…I was just never very good at small town life. I like being able to go to the grocery store without running into anyone I know, to never be asked why I don’t share a last name with my husband, go to church or have kids.

I love the anonymity and creativity of Toronto.  Here I’m surrounded by people who, even if they don’t share my proclivities, genuinely don’t care what it is I do (or believe) so long as I’m not harming anyone else against their will.

This. Is. Amazing. 10, 15 years ago I had no idea I’d end up with this kind of freedom.

But…

Then I go home for a visit. The town I grew up in hasn’t changed very much. Many of the people I grew up with still live there or in similar places elsewhere in the midwest.

Most of my non-traditional (for lack of a better term) friends have also moved away. I grok why this happens. If I moved back now I’d either have to be really, really quiet about huge swaths of my life or pull a Bruce Gerenscer and be the brunt of a delightful mixture of pity, scorn and failed conversion attempts. 😉

After my recent trip back home, though, I wonder if small towns don’t need more Bruce Gerenscers.

Does he perplex people?

Yes.

Does he aggravate them?

Yes.

Does he make them think?

Hell yes.

I don’t really do that on a daily basis. City-dwellers are surrounded by so many different points of view that it’s more difficult for them to assume that everyone agrees with their beliefs. It’s hard to surprise them.

As much as I love this sometimes I think it’s better if us “shocking” people stay put. It’s much easier to dislike a label than it is to dislike a neighbour, family member, or friend.

There’s real value in being the only X in town, in putting a human face on a mistrusted minority group.

I just don’t want to do it personally.

Respond

What have been your experiences as the odd one out in your community? Why did you move away? Why did you stay?

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