Suggestion Saturday: March 26, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, novellas, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Fear. This isn’t an emotion that most people talk about freely. It’s eye-opening to see what others fear and how they determine whether those feelings are legitimate warnings or a reflex from past experiences.

Birth & Death. How beauty can sprout from terribly sad events. Stories like these convince me I could never be a rancher!

When Should We Come Out to Our Relatives? In my experience so much depends on what kind of relationship you have with them and how they’ve reacted to other non-theists in the past. Some would be fine with an out-of-the-blue conversation, others would do better with a series of gradual hints. Non/ex-theists, what advice would you give on this topic?

My Faith After My Mosque was Torched. How friendships between Muslims and Christians in a small town strengthened the faith of both groups. It makes me wonder how many other examples of the positive effects of friendships between people who don’t share the same religious beliefs are out there.

118 Years in 20 Seconds. One of my favourite things about the drive to my maternal grandparents’ home as a child and  teenager was an old, red brick house in a field that we’d pass on the way there. At one time it must have been a beautiful home. I always wondered who had originally lived there, why the building was abandoned and what I’d find if we stopped the car and I climbed over the fence to explore.

What I’ve been readingThe Symbiot.  Seph told me about his novella a few months ago and I’ve been slowly reading through it since. An excerpt:

When man first shone light through a prism he discovered the visual spectrum. But he didn’t stop there did he? No. He looked further, beyond the seven colours and their infinite shades in between. He searched and discovered gamma rays, X-rays, ultraviolet rays, infrared rays, and even radio waves. What if man was simply content with the visual spectrum? Where would we be now? Imagine a world without radio waves. Man would have been an idiot to have called it quits at the visual light spectrum.

But enough said about the “visual sciences.” What about the “audio sciences”? Mankind discovers rhythm and pitch and calls it music. He analyses it. Do-re-mi-fa-sol-la-ti-do; He calls this an octave and says it repeats itself attaining one octave higher that the last. He learns to write sounds and music and rhythm on paper and… what? Calls it quits!

What have you been reading?

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20 Questions from the Search Logs

Earlier this week my friend Bruce posted answers to 30 questions that have lead people to his blog through Internet searches. Today I’m borrowing his idea. The questions have been minimally edited for better comprehension. If you continue this meme leave a comment and I’ll add a link to your post at the end of this one.

1. How do you tell a charity not to ask for donations anymore? The next time they contact you ask to be taken off their list. If that doesn’t work speak to the highest person in command you can contact or block their telephone number or email.

2. How to solicit charitable donations? Don’t exaggerate the truth but do be cheerful and respectful of those who don’t want to contribute.

3. Techniques on how to get donations over the phone? This is one of the most irritating ways to solicit. Don’t do it.

4. How frequently to solicit donors? I’m not an expert on these matters but I vote for annually. It’s predictable and just infrequent enough that I’ll (probably) at least listen to your spiel.

5. Is everyone born with privileges? No but the vast majority of us have at least a few.

6. How does our privilege contribute to injustice? It contributes in a few different ways: 1) it’s easy to forget that not everyone has the same advantages, 2) it can make some people so fearful of losing privileges when injustice ends that they fight to keep it going, and 3) sometimes our comfort numbs us to the suffering of others.

7. Why can I only wear makeup occasionally? I don’t know.

8. Any really really quiet people out there? Yes!

9. Are quiet people snobs? No more so than any other group.

10. Do really quiet people have social anxiety? Some do but there are also talkative people who are socially anxious and quiet and talkative people who don’t have any social anxiety.

11. How to get to know what people are thinking? Asking them is the most obvious answer. For a more subtle approach, listen to what they talk about and observe what they do and who they associate with in their spare time. People with similar ideas are often drawn to one another.

12. What is an omnivert? Someone who is energized both by spending time alone and by being in a crowd of people. Some people switch between the two while others need both kinds of interaction regularly to be their best selves.

13. Why are quiet people quiet? It’s part of our natural personalities. Not everyone is born with an endless stream of words pouring out of his or her mind. 🙂

14. What do people mean when they say “it’s always the quiet ones”? It refers to the idea that people are often surprised by what  quiet people say or do because so much of what is going on in our heads is never expressed to the outside world. This phrase has a slight negative connotation in my mind as it is sometimes used to infer that quiet people are more likely to be violent.

15.What cognitive disability does Lennie Small have? I know he was mildly mentally delayed but to the best of my knowledge Of Mice and Men never mentions a specific syndrome or diagnosis.

16. Can one be too skeptical? Yes.

17. Are pets excluded from heaven? It wouldn’t be heaven without them.

18. How to stop reading the news? Unsubscribe from your local paper and cable provider, remove all news sites from your RSS feed and plan to do something else with your newfound free time.

19. Why people should receive compliments? Assuming that they’re sincere and don’t come with any strings attached they can make you feel better on bad days.

20. What is a non-theistic person? Someone who doesn’t believe in the existence of any gods.

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Not With a Bang But a Whimper

Over the weekend I read Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games, a post-apocalyptic young adult scifi novel. Science fiction is one of my favourite genres and if I ever were to make a top-100 list of must-read books dystopian and post-apocalyptic novels would snap up more than a few slots.

Without sharing spoilers the dark subject matter of this story reminds me of other terrifying visions of the future from books like The Handmaid’s Tale, The Book of Dave, I Am Legend, or The Gate to Women’s Country.

I could fill up several more paragraphs with additional titles but can think of only one more-or-less optimistic interpretation of what the lives of people in the future might be like: Star Trek. Gene Roddenbery’s stories have their flaws but one of the reasons why I’ve enjoyed Voyager so much so far has to do with how ordinary and hopeful life is there. As in our world sometimes horrible things happen but there isn’t that dank sense of despair that too often leeches out of other futuristic stories. There’s something refreshing about that.

If only we could travel to the future to see what is actually going to happen.

  • Will a few shreds of humanity eke out a precarious existence in a violent, post-apocalyptic world?
  • Will people three hundred years from now wonder how we ever survived with such primitive treatments for diseases like cancer?
  • Will so many records be lost or destroyed that most of what future people know about  21st century life in [your country] will come from criticisms of it from other countries?
  • Will the early years of this century be romanticized as a simpler, better time?

It also makes me wonder why we so often assume the worst about what is to come.

Is it because we know that millions, maybe even billions of people are living in our worst-case scenarios right now? Is expecting the worst part of human nature?

What do you think?

 

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Suggestion Saturday: March 19, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, pictures, articles, quotes, short stories, poetry and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Vivian Maier’s Street Photography. I don’t think I’ve ever recommended an entire blog before but this one is well-worth your time. Vivian Maier worked as a nanny for wealthy families in New York from the 1950s to the 1990s. In her spare time she walked around the city and took often-haunting photographs of people from every walk of life and her  100,000+ photographs were discovered after her death in 2009. This is a blog I’ll be savouring for quite a while!

Taming the Wild. This article about the unexpected outcomes of domesticating foxes makes me wonder how people have changed over the past 30,000 years. We know that people who lived back then looked like us…I wonder if they acted like us as well?

Satellite and Geologic Maps of Japan Earthquake/Tsunami. A bird’s eye view of the devastation. Somehow this makes it more real to me than reading news articles.

Falling Upward. I wonder if the book is as intriguing as the poem?

On the Banks of the River Lex.The first half of this story was confusing, the second half thought-provoking. To say anything else may spoil it for you!

A final thought:

Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time. – Norman Ford

What have you been reading?

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Life after Faith: Now What?

My process of de-converting from Christianity in one word: gradual. The earliest hairline doubts cracked through around puberty. I tried re-evaluating what I believed and living with the tension of beliefs that harmed more than they helped. Each patch seemed to work for a few years. And then one day I’d come back and find only the gummy residue of old hope.

Some former Christians who have become non-theists approach their de-conversions with glee. They’ll switch from evangelizing about Jesus to proselytizing the tongue-in-cheek virtues of the flying spaghetti monster.  There’s nothing wrong with doing this, of course. It just isn’t how I reacted when I finally admitted to living in the religious grey zone.

Beyond the relief that follows honesty after a long internal battle came a question:

Now What?

I’d grown up with the belief that faith brings meaning to one’s life and that people couldn’t be genuinely good without that external compass. It was something reinforced so often and with such authority that I didn’t even recognize it as an assumption until this point.

What was I going to do without it? Would I suddenly start drinking every weekend, lying, stealing, cheating, fighting, ignoring those who asked for help?

This may make those of you who didn’t grow up in this sort of religious environment chuckle…but they were things that passed through my mind. Over and over again as a child I heard testimonies from people who said that God was the only thing in this world standing between them and all of the horrible things they wanted to do.

What if I had just stepped away from this same protection?

It wasn’t something I worried about forever but it was in the back of my mind as I slowly inched into a new worldview.

What happens after faith? Most of the time it’s the same sort of stuff that mattered before in the smallest and biggest ways: the love of family and friends. a crisp new book from the library. a long hike in the woods.

I’m as (un)likely to harm or help someone else as I was in my Christian years. Worrying about my purpose in life isn’t something I do as much these days. If there is one I’ll figure it out when the time is right. In the meantime I’ll love and be loved and that isn’t a bad place to be.

Ex/non-theists and spiritual seekers, what is your “now what”? How do the pieces of your lives come together?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 Reasons Why You Should Keep Track of Compliments

An announcement before we dig into the marrow of today’s topic:

This is the one hundredth post at On the Other Hand! I’m so proud to have reached this milestone. Thank you all for reading and leaving comments over the last seven months.

The next issue of my newsletter comes out Friday, March 18. It includes a top-5 list of my favourite posts to date. Fill out the form on the right hand side of this page if you haven’t signed up for the newsletter yet. It’s free, your personal information is never shared and you’ll receive exclusive content.

Ok, onto today’s topic:

Why You Should Keep Track of Compliments

A friend mentioned recently how much easier it is for her to remember negative thoughts and experiences than it is positive ones. My brain works the same way. Compliments and happy memories seem to fade more quickly than criticism or painful or embarrassing experiences.

Years ago I read a book about joy written by a woman who over a short course of time buried one son and had another son come out of the closet (who was subsequently disowned by their church, community and extended family) while she struggled with a stubborn, years-long bout of depression.*

At a certain point she ran out of things in this world to feel happy about. For this I can’t blame her. Any one of these events would be a challenge. To live through all three simultaneously must have been incredibly difficult! Her response to this chapter in her life was to create something called a joy box: a box filled with cartoons, jokes, encouraging notes from friends and anything else that made her smile.

*It’s been many years since I’ve read this book. Hopefully I’m remembering the details correctly!

About a decade ago I adapted this idea and began sporadically keeping track of compliments. I stopped doing it for several years but recently took the practice up again. Here are three reasons why you should do the same:

  1. It helps you remember the nice things others have said about you. There’s nothing like going back and re-reading a list of compliments at the end of a hard day.
  2. It highlights your strengths. Once the compliments begin to accumulate you’ll probably begin to notice that the same traits or abilities are mentioned over and over again. What is even better, though, is when one or two people pick up on something that you didn’t realize was so deeply appreciated.
  3. It reminds you to pass compliments on. Complaining about a person, institution or situation is easy. Noticing the good they bring into your life takes more practice but it’s even more important than pointing out where and when they’ve made mistakes.

I keep my list of compliments in a Word file. Artistically-inclined people may be interested in decorating a cardboard box, manila folder or some other container. If you do end up making something to store your compliments in I’m interested in seeing pictures of it!

Either way, give this a try. It’s enriched my life and I think it will do the same for yours.

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Suggestion Saturday: March 12, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, photos, poetry, short stories and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Humans Are So Embarrassing. I’m still not sure what this was all about. I wonder where he or she found a costume that so closely matched his or her dog?

The Memory of  a Child is Long. I can’t quite figure out which memory is my earliest. Before the age of three or four there are scraps from different life events but in almost every case I don’t know how much I “remember” due to seeing pictures or hearing family stories about it.

From Turn From Your Heart:

Turn your face around and see your moment’s trail fading— the grasses stand up one by one, the pebbles’ upturned bottoms slowly dry.

Compassion. The story of a nurse comforting a dying man. She was probably one of his last memories in this life. I wonder if he knew that he was dying?

Standard Loneliness Package. This was quite the scifi story. Hopefully technology will never develop to the point where one person can actually live out the emotions and experiences of another.

What have you been reading?

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Product Placement: The Future of Advertising?

About six months ago Drew and I cancelled our cable subscription. We’ve been watching our favourite television shows on our laptop.

Losing commercial breaks and all of the stuff advertisers want us to think we need was refreshing. I wasn’t expecting it to affect me as much as it did and does because when we had cable we rarely if ever paid attention to commercials. That time was usually spent by going to the kitchen for another snack or finishing up a quick chore.

Yet when we cut commercials out of our television habits I slowly noticed that I was less and less interested in new stuff just for the sake of having it. I’m happier to wear things out or use them up now. Even though I’ve never been the type of person to, say, buy a new wardrobe every year I did grow tired of what I owned more quickly than I do now.

And then I began to notice something creeping onto the foregrounds and backgrounds of some of my favourite shows:

Product Placement

A few characters gather together for a meal. Rather than sipping a cold drink from a glass tumbler they now drink name-brand juice or fortified water whose labels just happen to be in view of the camera.

They haven’t written what they are drinking into the dialogue (so far…) but until I train my eyes to only read on command I can’t help but know their beverages of choice.

Is this the new face of advertising?

If it is there is at least one advantage: the show doesn’t have to take a break to flash a product at us.

But every time it happens I’m momentarily jarred out of the world that each television show creates. When I watch a program I buy into certain assumptions about the way TV-land works:

  • Vampires were born to mope.
  • Female superheroes fight better in skimpy clothing.
  • Women who wander into dark alley ambushes need a man to rescue them.
  • If two people despise one other the first time they meet it means they are destined to fall in love.

Sometimes these assumptions are turned on their heads (see: Buffy the Vampire Slayer). At other times they are not (see also: Buffy the Vampire Slayer).

To this list I’d also add:

  • TV-land packaged food is manufactured by imaginary companies.

Part of the allure of fictional stories is the promise of escaping into another world for a little while. Product placement ruins this aspect of it for me.

The question is, in what other ways could products be marketed to us if fewer and fewer people are watching commercials?

What do you think?

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What if Characters Came to Life?

Note: if you don’t watch the television show Supernatural you may want to skip the first two paragraphs of this post. They contain spoilers for a season six episode.

A recent episode of Supernatural snatched the stars of the show, Sam and Dean, out of their demon-hunting world and into our own. Everything that Sam and Dean have experienced in their universe is part of a television show in our own.

They had such humorous reactions to landing in a world in which the supernatural doesn’t exist, the two of them are costars instead of brothers and they are pursued by fans and production assistants instead of by angry demons or monsters.

It made me wonder how other fictional characters would react if they were transplanted into our world?

The What If List

The first character to come to mind was Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables, et al.). She has such a whimsical, creative relationship with the idea of gentle otherworldly creatures like faeries or nymphs. How would she react to our television shows about vampires, werewolves and zombies?

Jo March (Little Women) always seemed more interested in writing than in finding a husband. Her marriage to Mr. Bhaer has always looked to me like something pushed onto Jo by the social conventions of the time instead of being a natural development of her character.  I could see her jumping feet-first into journalism, blogging or even writing and publishing her own e-books if she walked into our world.

It would probably be too much to ask Frodo Baggins (The Lord of the Rings, et al.) to visit our noisy, congested cities but I wonder what he would think of our national forests and wildlife preserves?

If Pecola Breedlove (The Bluest Eye) lived in our time would she still so strongly associate being beautiful with being white? Would her sexual abuse have been discovered sooner? What would her adulthood have been like had she been given access to counselling appropriate for someone who has been severely abused?

Would contemporary small town life cause as much discord between Will Kennicott and Carol Milford? (Main Street). I could see them coming to a compromise by moving to the suburbs of or a small town very near to a big city so that Will could have a strong sense of community and Carol would feel less isolated from the outside world.

It would be a thrill to introduce Ayla (The Clan of the Cave Bear et al.) to modern medicine. There are so many diseases and injuries we easily treat now that are beyond the scope of her medicine bag. I don’t think she’d approve of the often massive disparities in life expectancy and overall health that exist among various cultures and countries, though.

The cause of Lennie Small‘s (Of Mice and Men) cognitive disability was never explained to the best of my recollection. If George Milton and the rest of the characters in his universe had our medical equipment and knowledge about developmental delays could Lennie have been taught how to avoid accidentally hurting other people?

Your Turn

How would the lives of your favourite fictional characters change if they were brought into our universe?

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Suggestion Saturday: March 5, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, poetry, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Watch these rap videos about immunization: Don’t Inject Me argues against the flu vaccine, Immunize! argues for mass vaccination. Both are unintentionally hilarious.

Always Tao. This is such a hopeful way of looking at the world! I don’t identify as Taoist but many of their ideas resonate so well with me.

Hornets in My Head. Remember the last time you lost your temper? Blame it on the hornets in your head. (I love this metaphor!)

The Internet Wishlist. A website where people post their ideas for improving the technology we use. My wish: a Mac-compatible version of Pharaoh.

I’m Bipolar, You’re Bipolar. An article about how pharmaceutical companies have changed our definition of mental illness (specifically, bipolar disorder) to include far more people than would have been labelled in the past. I’m in no way opposed to medical treatment when life is overwhelming for someone but that doesn’t mean that every quirky person needs to be diagnosed or medicated.

What have you been reading?

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