February 28, 2011 · 9:00 am

How Skeptical is Too Skeptical?

A conversation in the comment section of last Thursday’s post brought this question up in a round-about way:

At what point does skepticism go too far?

I’ve wondered about this before in passing but have been brainstorming about it more intently over the weekend. Any set of beliefs (ethical, moral, religious, political) can be taken to the extreme, of course. I’ve read many well-written critiques of various religions and philosophies but can’t think of any similar works about skepticism that have been worth reading.

Maybe skepticism is taken too far when:

You can no longer see the good in an idea. Most of the belief systems I’ve come across are a mixture of beneficial and harmful advice. A handful of ideas don’t seem have any redeeming qualities but for everything else spit out the stem and seeds and digest the good stuff.

The most important thing is being right. This isn’t to say that there’s anything wrong with vigorous debating or correcting untrue statements. It just isn’t necessary for every conversation to end with footnotes. 🙂

It leaks into areas where it doesn’t belong. Unless someone else’s beliefs are negatively affecting the rest of us I don’t have any interest in critiquing their claims from my agnostic and fairly skeptical point of view. Belief is an intensely personal experience and I’m not interested in proselytizing. Whether you believe in faeries, healing crystals, mediums, ghosts, demonic possessions, or miracles I may think there’s some merit to it, I may diagree vehemently, but I will not belittle whatever it is that keeps you going.

Respond

What has been your experience with skepticism? What are its greatest weaknesses?

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February 26, 2011 · 9:00 am

Suggestion Saturday: February 26, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, poems, short stories, graphics and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Dirge Without Music. A friend posted this Edna St. Vincent Millay poem on her blog. I’d never heard of it before but it is well-worth the time it takes to read it.

Amaryllis. This is one of the best short stories about how people can live in a ecologically sustainable way that I’ve ever read. Too often science fiction assumes that the lives of people in future generations will be short and horrific in part due to how we have misused the natural word.

A Psychological Phenom for Happy Parents…And the Childfree? While this blog post discusses how people use cognitive dissonance  when justifying their decision to have (or not to have!) children the points it makes apply to all sorts of choices. I’ve long suspected that people who go out of their way to rail against things that a) don’t affect them personally and b) are not harmful do so because part of them either isn’t sure if they’ve made the right decision or secretly desires that which they claim to hate.

Cochlear  Implants: Miracle Technology or Cultural Genocide? Where is the boundary between culture and disability? I have mixed feelings on this issue. What do you think?

5 Miserable Ways You Could Die. The violent deaths we often fear are statistically much less likely to happen than you’d think. I wonder what else in life we seriously under or over-prepare for?

 

What have you been reading?

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February 24, 2011 · 9:00 am

This Post Will Change Your Life

Or at least that is what e-book, seminar and other product or idea  marketing strategies want us to believe as we skim past whatever it is they have to offer. While this sort of technique is probably very effective it is disingenuous to imply that any service or product has a one-size-fits-all solution for what ails you.

It’s also annoying as hell.

Imaginary Agents of Change

“You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” —  Abraham Lincoln

There are no:

that can whisk away whatever it is one dislikes about their life. Anything new and good that comes about will be the result of inspiration, perseverance, knowing the right people, being at the right place at the right time and stumbling across a heaping tablespoon of good luck. It makes me angry to hear anyone convince people that their lives would improve tenfold if they only followed what this author, that spiritual leader, this personal development coach, that expert decrees the best possible way for everyone to live.

If the spiel stopped there, if no one was ever asked to give a love offering, buy a book, sign up for individual coaching or snatch up the last remaining seat at a weekend seminar I wouldn’t care so much. It never does, though. There’s nothing wrong with earning a living through book sales, consulting or seminars but there is something amiss with how it is being done.

What I Believe….

The answers we seek are already inside of us.

Sometimes we need a little help to uncover or recognize them, but there is nothing I can offer you that you don’t already have tucked somewhere inside of yourself. There’s nothing you can give to me that I don’t already have either.

It may not be easily accessible or something we can recognize or understand right away, but it’s still there. Everyone is born with an enduring capacity to do and be good in the world.

If someone is beyond the pale it is not because that is where they began. They may have drifted away from their inner capacity to do good or they may have been nudged or pushed by circumstances or experiences outside of their control. In some cases they may have even decided that this was the sort of life they wanted to lead and chosen it to a certain degree but no one is born with the urge to do harm.

What is Good Marketing?

To be fair, not everyone sees the world in this way. Some honestly believe that they do have The Cure ™, that the rest of us would be much better off if only we did, bought, ate, or believed whatever it is they think is good for us.

In an ideal world there would be no need for marketing or salesmanship because it would be obvious to everyone that idea, product or service X was the best choice. Until we come to an agreement about these things ( 😉 ), what five words best describe how things things should be marketed to people?

My five words:

  1. Rarely.
  2. Humbly.
  3. Quickly.
  4. Respectfully.
  5. Humorously.

What is your five-word answer?


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February 21, 2011 · 9:00 am

Why is Violence More Acceptable than Sex?

One of the most puzzling aspects of US culture is the difference between how people react to violence and how they react to sex in the media.

Violence pops up regularly in almost every genre, even in material written specifically for children. Sex may be hinted at but unless a movie or television show is rated for mature audiences it is much less common for characters to be featured in a graphic sexual scene.

Apparently it’s ok to air story lines about people being:

  • tortured
  • raped
  • decapitated
  • skinned alive
  • dismembered
  • kidnapped
  • blown up
  • shot
  • stabbed
  • mutilated

Yet it is equally unacceptable to show a nipple at the same time slots.

Why?

Why is sexuality so much more frightening than violence? How can murder be less offensive than two characters having consensual sex? These aren’t rhetorical questions. The longer I live outside of the US the less I understand certain aspects of their culture.

Possible explanations:

Desensitization. Violent art and other creative works have been around for so long and have become more graphic so gradually that the average person does not necessarily think about what it is their minds are absorbing.

(some) Violence is Cartoonish. That is, it doesn’t accurately represent how an action plays out in the real world. Certain guns, for example, do far more damage to a body than what is typically portrayed on tv or the movies.

Easier Conversations. Do some parents find it easier to bring up something in conversation that most people do not personally experience than something that the vast majority of people are going to do eventually?

Moral Qualms. Religious beliefs influence so much of how and what we think about sex and sexuality. It does make sense that people would think it was wrong to see graphic representations of sex if their religious backgrounds taught them not to seek out such subject matter or that certain acts were a sin. What I don’t understand, though, is why there aren’t more religious objections to violence in the media. If it’s sinful to watch someone having what your religion considers to be illicit sex shouldn’t it be just as (if not more) wicked to see a character being raped or murdered?

Internal Conflict. Western society (especially, but not only, in the US) is deeply conflicted about sexuality and how it is expressed. What we say isn’t necessarily what we  believe and what we believe often has little to do with what we actually do.

What do you think?

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February 19, 2011 · 9:00 am

Suggestion Saturday: February 19, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, comic strips, photos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Meat. I can’t decide whether spray-on skin for burn victims or fly-eating furniture is more creepily extraordinary.

Loving the Christians Without Conforming to Religion. Elizabeth, the author of this blog, has churning out  a spree of fantastic posts recently. She’s walking down a road that I know all too well. I cannot disagree with her hunch that love will have the final say, though.

From The Wonder of Life:

The passionate, the empathetic, and the inquisitive will own the future. Look around you at the marvelous world with its wonders inconceivably great and small.

Don’t Know Much ‘Bout. I wonder why we so often rely on what other people say about something instead of researching it ourselves?

Writer Fight. If only pens were swords and books galloped.

What have you been reading?

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February 17, 2011 · 9:00 am

Cabin Fever Relief

Mid-to-late February is the most restless and irritable time of year. The excitement of the holidays has long since ebbed away, the new year has lost its baby fat and spring seems to be a thousand years away.

On a more personal note, this is also the time of year when respiratory infections like the flu or a cold affect me the worst. I’ve been fairly healthy this winter but due to these experiences I’ll trudge though the next few weeks with a tinge of dread.

Yes, average winter temperatures in Vancouver do tend to be warmer than what people in Ontario or the midwest in the United States generally experience but it has been much colder than normal here recently and we are expecting a big storm in the next few days.

Cabin Fever Relief

I haven’t found that many indoor activities that quell cabin fever to be honest. It’s something that seems to need time (and a lot of outdoor time once spring does arrive!) more than anything else.

These activities are good distractions, though:

  • Visiting friends.
  • Organizing and cleaning out the house room by room.
  • Sorting out and donating unused possessions. (There’s something so cathartic about helping others and freeing up some space!)
  • Watching highly-anticipated movies.
  • Researching upcoming trips.
  • Planning this years garden or other outdoor, time-intensive hobbies.
  • Fixing or replacing items that you’ll need in the near future.
  • Visiting the library for new books, DVDs, magazines and information on upcoming community events.
  • Meditating.

How do you cope with the restlessness of late winter?

(Photo by 3268zauber.)

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February 14, 2011 · 9:00 am

Verbing Valentine’s Day

This post was originally going to be a rant about everything about Valentine’s Day that makes me uncomfortable:

  • The rampant consumerism.
  • The assumption that the best way to woo someone is by buying stuff.
  • The cookie-cutter approach to what is of the most unique and personal aspects of each of our lives. No two romantic relationships are alike! What works for one person or couple may be worthless or even harmful advice for another.

Instead of talking about what is wrong with Valentine’s Day, though, I decided to list more meaningful ways to show affection to a significant other. (Last year I wrote a post about why I don’t celebrate Christmas. Many of the points made there also apply to Valentine’s Day for those interested in re-evaluating holiday traditions in general.)

My philosophy of love, so to speak, is pragmatic. I’m generally uninterested in traditional gender roles or grand gestures. Love is an action verb in my family of origin, not a monologue. With this in mind let’s begin….

Verbing Valentine’s Day

Accumulate small gestures. It’s easy to say, “I love you!” Paying attention to small details consistently over time takes more work but it also shows that you’re in tune with what your SO likes, needs or wants.

Say I’m Sorry, Thank You. Apologies and appreciation are the axle grease of life.

Show anger gently. How you act when you’re mad is a far more accurate representation of who you are as a human being than how you treat others while in a good mood. I’ve never known anyone in a conflict-free relationship! How disagreements play out when they do happen, though, is a good indication of how healthy the interactions are between you.

Keep certain things private. Some of my most uncomfortable conversations have been with friends who  complain about their SO in ways that they’d never attempt if he or she could hear what was being said. Yes, sometimes advice from a close, trusted friend can help you navigate a tricky situation but be careful about what is said and how you say it.

Offer to help. There’s nothing better than hearing this phrase when you have a time-consuming or difficult project coming.

No, nothing mentioned today can be bought last-minute at the drug store or ordered online. As someone who is allergic to most chocolates, wears all two pieces of the jewelry I own every day and has never figured out what to do with flowers or stuffed animals I don’t resonate with the romance memes of western culture.

Respond

What do you consider to be a romantic gesture? How do you show your SO how much you care about them?

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February 12, 2011 · 9:00 am

Suggestion Saturday: February 12, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, comics, poetry, short stories, quotes and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity. – Albert Camus

Faith. This poem reminds me of the stubbornly whimsical stuff I did while growing up.

We’re Not So Different, You and I. Everyone preaches being yourself (whether they actually mean it, though, is fodder for another blog post. 😉 ) This post is about the important of being the same.

A Confab With the Faithful. 20 Methodists and one Atheist meet at a skyscraper church to talk about religion, science, belief and doubt. This may sound like the opening to a joke. It isn’t. I do wish that you and I could have participated in the discussion, though. People who genuinely enjoy listening to and learning from other points of view don’t cross your path every day!

Feminist Friends. To quote The Princess Bride, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Ponies. This is one of the most creative sci-fi/horror stories I’ve ever read. Yes, the allegory is macabre but the author pushes these boundaries in order to shake us out of our complacency. It’s much easier to see the unhealthy aspects of other cultures than it is to notice our own.

A final thought on advice:

What have you been reading?

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February 10, 2011 · 9:00 am

Embrace the Shame

As far back as I can remember I’ve lived with one foot in imaginary places. Whenever the world around me quiets down enough for thoughts to form (and sometimes even when it doesn’t) I stitch together stories in my mind.

No two have ever been quite alike. If I don’t like the direction a story is headed I begin again from the first scene to create something better. I tell myself stories that are funny, sad, outlandish, as cliched as I could possibly make them and as unique as I dare. I tell stories as I go to sleep and pick them back up again while getting dressed or eating breakfast in the morning.

Sometimes as a kid I’d whisper the lines or scene I was working on to see if they sounded as good out in the open. It was something I was deeply ashamed of growing up, though. No one else I knew crafted stories like this or, if they did, they never talked to themselves while figuring out a particularly tricky plot point. At 11 or 12 I’d cycle through these feelings, promise to put away childish things and never do it again and then slide back into storytelling a day, week, month later. Life without story-telling was and is:

  • Eating the same meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the rest of your life.
  • A vocabulary of 100 words, 90 of which are about the weather.
  • Eternal February.

I assumed that other people had internal dialogues rarely if ever* and that there was something unhealthy about continuing to make up stories after puberty. Like an early bedtime or training wheels on a bike it only seemed appropriate for kids half my age and yet I had zero interest in what I thought I should be thinking about as an adolescent: clothing. makeup. boys. dating. calories.

*I’ve since learned this isn’t true!

It sounds nonsensical now but this bothered me for years. More than anything I wanted to blend in, to think the way other people thought. Being different wasn’t a perky slogan or a beat marched to with pride back then it was something to try to get rid of (or hide well) at the first opportunity.

I began to grow more comfortable in my own skin as I stopped worrying so much about the thoughts I thought were rolling around in the heads of everyone else. What mattered was this: I like telling stories and hashing them out has never hurt anyone.

If it’s weird, well, there are far more destructive things that I could be doing with my time.

Respond

Do you have any slightly eccentric habits or personality quirks that you’ve always felt a little ashamed of? How did you learn to resist the urge to compare your thoughts with how other people behave in public?

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February 7, 2011 · 9:00 am

Jeremy

How we form and what we do with our assumptions has been on my mind lately. This story illustrates one of the most interesting (and wrong!) assumptions I’ve ever made.

Soon after I moved up here six years ago Drew’s parents invited us over for dinner at the house they had lived in for nearly 25 years. Their kids had grown up there and it was the only home Drew’s youngest sister has ever know. Before we ate Drew took me on a tour of the place.

The Name on the Wall

The most interesting part of Drew’s tour was the room that had once been his bedroom. I couldn’t help but to notice that there was a name  on one of the walls there that didn’t seem to belong to anyone in the house:

Jeremy.

No one mentioned it and our tour continued. I wondered if there had once been a fifth sibling in his family. As a child and young adult I’d known too many families who had lost a child and every one responded to it differently. Some talked about their deceased family member(s) openly and with anyone who would listen, others I knew for years before hearing a word about that part of their history.

Later, in the privacy of our own home, I asked Drew about Jeremy. It was ok if he didn’t want to talk about it but I thought it was better to know about a potentially painful topic than guess whether something bad had happened or if it was something the family was comfortable discussing with an outsider.

Drew laughed and told me that the room had been decorated like that when they first moved in. It had nothing to do with their family.

I couldn’t decide whether to be relieved that Drew hadn’t lost a sibling after all or amused that over the past two and a half decades no one had decided to take those wall decals down.

Lessons learned:

  • Not everything in life has a complicated explanation.
  • Sometimes the truth is more mundane than fiction.
  • Redecorating isn’t as common as I had originally assumed.

What assumptions have you made recently?

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