February 18, 2012 · 9:00 am

Suggestion Saturday: February 18, 2012

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, comic strips, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Fake Rhino Attempts Zoo Escape. This is one of the oddest news stories I’ve ever read. Love the idea of disaster preparedness, though!

Urine Color Chart. This reminded me of how I read my mom’s nursing school textbooks and academic journals as a kid. Can anyone confirm the validity of this chart?

From Personal Bill of Rights. The rest of the list is just as good:

1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can’t meet.
3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.

MLK on the Vietnam War. A side of Martin Luther King, Jr. most people don’t talk about very often.

 

What have you been reading?

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February 16, 2012 · 9:00 am

You Are Not a Guru

  I really don’t like wearing it but I have to do it…

she said with a soft sigh. Somehow the conversation had tumbled into all of the stuff women do to look presentable – high heels, makeup, shaving.

What I wanted to say:

So stop wearing it! It’s your body, your decision. Why waste your time and money on something that you dislike so much? Most people will never notice a thing and anyone whose opinion of you is changed by something so petty doesn’t deserve to be part of your life in the first place.

What I actually said:

…

We haven’t known one another for very long. It felt weird to tell her what I thought she should be doing instead. What works for one person may fail miserably for another.

And it was hard to think of a spur-of-the-moment way to say that some of us don’t bother with any of that stuff without sounding like a sharp-tongued street preacher I saw last year who yelled at a woman for daring to walk past him while wearing a skirt he thought was too short.

Maybe someday our conversations will circle around to this topic again and she’ll ask me questions about my life. If that happens I’ll answer them happily.

In the meantime, though, I am not a guru. Neither are you.

 

how do you get away with it? By just doing it. But respect where others are coming from…even if their reasons are circular.

 

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February 15, 2012 · 9:00 am

Wild Card Wednesday: Winter 2012 Questions

Search engine queries from the winter of 2012.

1. Do most people enjoy small talk? Yes. Even though it can be pretty dull sticking to mundane topics is better than inadvertently hurting or offending a new friend by bringing up a touchy subject.

2. What was Nellie Bly afraid of while she was in the Blackwells Island Insane Asylum? She might have feared being injured by a staff member or fellow inmate, never being released, contracting a lethal disease or all of her hard work being ignored or dismissed by the outside world.

3. Is it bad to snap at someone? Yes. How you conduct yourself after the fact is very important, though.

4. Will the smell of a rotten potato go away when you cook them? Food poisoning is brutal. Just buy new ones.

5. Where to go if you do not want to celebrate Christmas?

A few ideas:

  • The nearest big city. There are bound to be neighbourhoods there populated with ethnic and religious groups that also don’t celebrate Christmas. Maybe you’ll find a new favourite restaurant or store!
  • The great outdoors. Go hiking, sledding, camping (or swimming if you live in a mild climate. 🙂 )
  • Online. Bake cookies/pop popcorn and catch up on that movie or tv show you’ve always wanted to see.

6. How do you avoid awkward conversations? Smile politely and then suddenly notice that someone across the room urgently needs your assistance.

7. List of compliments for relatives? Look for even the smallest accomplishments or acts of kindness and acknowledge them sincerely. Not possible? see #6.

8. Is anonymity destroying social skills? No. It can make some people more willing to tear down others, though.

9. % of people who lodge a compliment? 2.*

10. Bruxy Cavey is wrong. Yes, but so are you occasionally. I don’t have such a great track record either.

11. Deconversion hurts. Sometimes. It gets better, though!

12. How do quiet people make friends? Quiet people naturally exude a tantalizing pheromone that is irresistible to social butterflies. After our victims new friends are tagged and released we track them back to their social networking sites and cannibalize their friend lists.;)

13. What were the likelihood of John Watkins prophecies coming true? About as likely as any other prediction.

14. Is it passive aggressive to dump [someone] by email? Yes, unless you fear for your safety.

15. When is violence acceptable in religion? It depends on the interpreter. Some people believe their religion allows for violence on any day that ends in a Y, others think it’s ok under specific circumstances, and still others never condone it.

16. How do you become talkative and philosophical? Find a notebook, dress warmly and head to the nearest park or forest. Spend half an hour watching the local wildlife and writing down every question about humanity and the world around us you can think of that cannot be answered with the scientific process. When you have your list find someone who is interested in following these questions wherever they may lead. Finding this person will be by far your biggest challenge.

17. Bible character skinned alive.

Bartholomew.

Lachish captives (an unknown number).

Two Elamites.

18. Dialogue for two people in a dark alley.

Person #1: Did you hear that?

Person #2: Yes. Keep walking. We’re almost out of here.

The footsteps quicken.

Person #1, growing anxious: What happens if they catch up?

Person #2, smirking: Buffy isn’t the only slayer in town.

19. [Do] highly sexual cultures have less violence? This study says there’s a correlation between the amount of physical affection (or abuse) shown to infants and the level of violence in adult society. That’s not exactly what you were asking but it will be interesting to see if any further research is done on this topic.

I highly suspect there is a link between violence and living in a repressive culture – sexually or otherwise. Correlation is not causation, though, so high levels of violence and repression could actually be caused by something else entirely.

20. The word that means “the use of profanity as a stress reducer.” I couldn’t find any current words with this meaning. Let’s make one up. Any ideas?

*Not a scientifically accurate figure.

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February 13, 2012 · 9:00 am

Death and Winter

The middle of February is the deadest time of the year.

Most years those of us living in temperate continental climates have been slogging through cold and slush for two months and have four, six or more weeks left of it. Even the most stubborn trees have been stripped of their leaves and there are few signs of life – animal or plant –  on the land.

It’s difficult to stand in a forest or garden with the wind gnawing through your coat and remember that in a few months the sun will grow stronger and flowers will once again peek through the soil.

But it will.

This is the time of year when death is on my mind the most. Not in a depressed  or anxious sort of way, understand, but just the realization that all of us have a beginning, middle and end.

It also reminds me of Edna St. Vincent Millay’s “Low-Tide”:

 These wet rocks where the tide has been,
Barnacled white and weeded brown
And slimed beneath to a beautiful green,
These wet rocks where the tide went down
Will show again when the tide is high
Faint and perilous, far from shore,
No place to dream, but a place to die,–
The bottom of the sea once more.
There was a child that wandered through
A giant’s empty house all day,–
House full of wonderful things and new,
But no fit place for a child to play.

High tide, low tide, death, life, winter, summer. Nothing is constant but there is a pattern to it all.

Now to hunker down and wait for spring!

 

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February 11, 2012 · 9:00 am

Suggestion Saturday: February 11, 2012

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, comic strips, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

What the Childfree Have in Common with Introverts. Good stuff.

Shadow Puppets. How many shadow puppets can you make?

Genetic Portraits. Retouched pictures of family members – one half of the “face” you’ll see is one person, the other half is another.

From The Science Behind the Kiss:

Our lips are packed with sensitive nerve endings so that even the slightest brush sends a flurry of information to our brains that often feels very good. Although we often don’t think of them in this way, our lips are the body’s most exposed erogenous zone.

The Shitty Competition. In my experience people who act like this around others don’t like themselves very much either. Knowing this doesn’t make them easier to get along with but it can help you cultivate compassion for them.   Not a work-safe link.

Marcel Theroux’s Far North frustrated and piqued my imagination this week. The idea of anyone attempting to survive alone in an Arctic, post-apocalyptic environment is chilling. Makepeace’s descriptions of living in this world – especially when it comes to all of the details left unshared until the last possible second- were in turn intriguing, shocking, terrifying, and at times even a little irritating.

The story itself was full of surprising turns and I’d recommend it to anyone interested in this genre…I just wish a few key scenes had been described in more (or in some cases, any) detail.

What have you been reading?

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February 9, 2012 · 9:00 am

Thursday Challenge: Listen Twice, Speak Once

 A man went about the community telling malicious lies about the rabbi. Later, he realized the wrong he had done, and began to feel remorse. He went to the rabbi and begged his forgiveness, saying he would do anything he could to make amends…

Click here for the rest of the tale.

Almost everyone who has ever met me in person has at one point or another said, “Lydia, you’re so quiet!”

It’s true. I am quiet.

Maybe part of it is because I’m an introvert and my energy lasts longer in social situations when I speak less.

Part of it is because I don’t always know what to say. Sometimes I don’t have an opinion on topic X, or I feel an embryonic poem or short story quivering on the tip of my tongue, or I’m enjoying listening to everyone else talk too much to chime in.

And part of it is because words are permanent. You can almost always say it later but you can never take it back if you’ve made an incorrect assumption or judgment of the situation.

So I listen first, try to absorb all of the available information before forming an opinion.

Your challenge this week, should you choose to accept it, is to listen twice as long as you did last week before speaking up.

Maybe it will work for you, maybe it won’t. The only way to know is to try! 😉

 

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February 6, 2012 · 9:00 am

Is Forgiveness Without an Apology Really Forgiveness?

Is forgiveness without an apology [really] forgiveness?

Someone recently found this blog by typing that question into a search engine.

I know I’ve mentioned this here before but the answer is yes. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.

At the bare minimum reconciliation requires an apology, a commitment to change and stitching your relationship – professional, romantic,  platonic or otherwise –  back together. In short, it’s something that can only happen if everyone participates. Reconciliation is a beautiful act…but it’s never guaranteed to happen.

One can forgive someone without being given an apology because it’s not about them or what they did anymore. Instead it’s about allowing yourself to walk away from the cycle of harm.

And even with forgiveness the person who harmed you still has to face the consequences of his or her actions – legal troubles (in extreme cases), the erosion of trust, a relationship that may or may not overcome whatever has just happened.

Often forgiveness is the first step to restoring things to the way they used to be.

Sometimes people forgive and the relationship continues with a few additional boundaries in place.

And every once in a great while a person will forgive without allowing for the possibility of reconciliation. I’ve only ever had to exercise this option once but it was the best choice for that situation.

Respond

What do you think? Have you ever struggled with differentiating between forgiveness and reconciliation? What have been your experiences with forgiving someone who never apologized?

 

 

 

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February 4, 2012 · 9:00 am

Suggestion Saturday: February 4, 2012

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, message board threads, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Ode to Bella Santorum. I avoid politics – especially U.S. politics –  as much as humanly possible but this bears repeating.

Sheep Herding Swedish Bunny Hops to Fame. This is one of the cutest, funniest things I’ve ever seen.

From a discussion on Letter From Former Slave to Former Master:

Mandy says she would be afraid to go back without some proof that you were disposed to treat us justly and kindly; and we have concluded to test your sincerity by asking you to send us our wages for the time we served you…At twenty-five dollars a month for me, and two dollars a week for Mandy, our earnings would amount to eleven thousand six hundred and eighty dollars.

Hobo Life in America. There’s a story in every wrinkle, every scar.

From MacArthur’s Address at Los Angeles Banquet, 1955:

Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old only by deserting their ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interest wrinkles the soul. Worry, doubt, self-distrust, fear and despair — these are the long, long years that bow the head and turn the growing spirit back to dust.

Once again I haven’t read anything worth recommending this week. What have you been reading?

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February 2, 2012 · 9:00 am

You Were Born in the Sea: Part Four

A parable, of sorts.
Part one.
Part two.
Part three.

You’ve grown sleek and strong eating their food and drinking their soft waters.

“Are you ready?” One says.

“Yes.”

You didn’t realize how much you needed water until there was none to be had.

This land is strange. When the wind blows pieces of it coat your travelling clothes and sting your eyes. Your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Suddenly she’s sitting on an old red rock.

“You look thirsty, friend.” Even her water tastes like the land, hot and gritty.

“We need to talk about the water people,” One says.

“What’s there to say about ignorance?” she huffs. “They swim with the dead, they pee where they drink. They have no respect for the water, the land or the rest of us.”

“They don’t actually know that land exists,” you say. “Or at least not in the way you think of it. Everything is different degrees of water to us.”

“Well, where do they think all of those tributaries come from?” she asks. “Without them the seas would dry up.”

“We think it’s endless,” you say.

“But it’s not.”

“No.”

“You should go tell them! There’s far more land than water out there.” You wonder if that is true, if the seas you grew up in are an aberration.

“They don’t listen.”

“Well, how did you learn how to listen?”

“A storm washed me to shore. I was too curious about the hard waters to swim back home.”

“See! If you can change so can they.”

“It’s not always that simple.”

Hmmph.

Days pass. The others of her pod vary in opinion:

“I’d always thought a valley full of water was a myth…”

“How could anyone be so wasteful? Water shouldn’t be used for anything but cooking or drinking. If you need to pee, find a rock.”

“Why would someone born in paradise want to leave it?”

“Imagine never running out of water!”

Your walk back to the foothills is quiet.

“Why doesn’t anyone understand?” you ask One.

“Well, why do you understand?”

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January 30, 2012 · 9:00 am

You Were Born in the Sea: Part Three

A parable, of sorts.
Part one.
Part two.

Two strangers stand at the edge of the woods. One is tall, the other short.

“We’ve been watching you for a few days,” Tall says a round of introductions later. “Where are your people?”

“Back home,” you reply, your arm sweeping back to the gentle waves behind you.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she says with a flinch. “We thought you were a traveller.”

“I am.”

“But you came home to bury your kin?”

“My pod isn’t dead. Or at least I don’t think they’re dead. We live in the sea.”

“Oh.” Tall and Short exchange glances. “And where did you live before then?”

“I don’t understand the question,” you say. “We have always lived there.” Short steps forward, gingerly touches your warm hand.

“You’re still alive!”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“We release our dead to the sea. We thought you were one of the ones that try to come back,” Short says with a grimace.

Time passes. Night falls. You had all but forgotten what it felt like to share a meal, to listen to others breathe as you fall asleep.

In the morning Tall and Short convince you to swim to their pod.

You are too lonely to do anything but agree.

The waves grow larger the longer you swim. Their people huddle behind the peak of one of the biggest waves you’ve bobbed through so far.

The pod parts. One paddles up to you and touches your hand.

“You’re still alive!” One says.

“So are you!” you reply. One really looks too old to swim. You wonder why he continues to kiss the sky with so many new swimmers competing for air.

“The sea hasn’t called me yet,” One replies. “How did you manage to escape it?”

You share your story.

“There’s someone you need to meet,” One says. “I’ve never heard of people living in the water but she may have. But first you must rest here, build your strength.”

“Is it a long swim?” you ask.

“Swim?” One laughs. “Where you’re going there isn’t any water at all!”

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