When Life Gives You Spam, Make Poetry

Spam happens.

I’ve finally found a use for it: poetry. Everything in Letter to You (including the title!) was harvested from recent, unsolicited emails to me and Drew.

When you’ve finished reading it I challenge you to make the best of something. Copy my idea for spam poetry, transform something that you’d normally throw out or recycle into a work of art, laugh instead of scowl at adversity and then come tell us about it in the comment section.

From dubious links and pleading letters from Nigeria comes a maudlin poem about the intersection between love, loss and profit.

Without further ado I present:

 

Letter To You


This mail might come to you as a surprise

and the temptation to ignore it as unserious

could come into your mind but please consider

it a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense

of humility.

 

I never really cared about other people

before this happened.

 

(Died on the 24th of November.)

 

My business and concern

for making money was all I was living for.

 

(Plot 84, if actually this is true. Three

days from now and there is no response.

We will confirm that you are dead indeed.)

 

I made $450 in a few hours.

I snagged $888 in less then a day.

I have 18,000,000.00 U. S. Dollars.

 

But since the loss I have found a new desire to

assist the helpless orphans in orphanages/

motherless homes/humanitarians.

 

Don’t say I never help anyone!

 

You did not die.

Please I want you.

You have to get back to us.

Kindly expedite action and contact me.

You’re going to be so happy!

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Suggestion Saturday: June 11, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, poems and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

The Bridge Poem. What would we be like if we didn’t need human bridges?

From Your Body is Beautiful. My only critique: I wish it had acknowledged that not every body is healthy. The core message is fantastic, though.

Realize that beauty is just a concept. Keep it in perspective. Meditate on the miraculousness of your body, the cohesiveness of your insides. Those are the things that truly matter.

Your body is beautiful, perfect, outstanding the way it is.

Sperm Grown in a Test  Tube. How long will it be before human sperm is manufactured the same way? I also wonder what other applications this will have in the medicine of the future. Will it pave the way for us to create vital organs? Limbs? Entire new bodies?

Lessons We’re Learning Riding Mass Transit. The advantages of using mass transit. If only every community had buses, streetcars or a well-designed subway system!

The Case of the Missing Phone Call. Of compassion, medical appointments and crossed wires. I liked this post because it’s a good reminder of how hard it can be to step into someone else’s shoes.

This week I’m reading Peace Pilgrim. What have you been reading?

 

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Ancestor’s Eve: Why Stories Matter

Earlier this year Drew and I watched Star Trek: Voyager. In the fifth season one of the characters invents Ancestor’s Eve, a spring holiday honouring some of the crew’s ancestors.

On April 22 I celebrated Ancestor’s Eve by re-telling stories from both of our families of origin. Some were silly, others serious and even though we have nine months to go before this holiday comes around again I’ve already begun to collect new stories. Next year we’ll expand the traditional definitions of ancestor and kin for this project- wisdom does not always come with age and there is far more to being a family than sharing DNA or bumping names in a genealogy.

Sermons – religious or otherwise – are a dime a dozen and morality tales only work if one already agrees with their underlying assumptions. A story without strings is different, though. (By that I mean a tale told without painting the moral of it in neon green letters across the exposition.) Yes, some mistakes we do have to muddle through ourselves order to grok a particular lesson but others can be learned from through observation.

One of my favourite things to do growing up was to sit with the adults and listen to their stories about engagements, abuse, comical misunderstandings about moist towelettes, the harrowing effects of untreated physical and mental illnesses, summer droughts, death, new babies, and conflicting opinions about that new restaurant in town.

As a PK (preacher’s kid) I probably heard more about the dark side of life than most kids who grow up in loving families. Occasionally mom and dad would gloss over certain details or clarify particularly troubling situations later on with us but I was never frightened by what I overheard. It was just part of pastoring. I’d like to recreate this experience here at On the Other Hand.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to begin gathering your own stories for Ancestor’s Eve next spring. Anything that has taught you or someone you know is eligible. I’ll mention it here sporadically over the next ten months and am hoping to share some of your stories along with my own at the end of April 2012.

Are you in? 🙂

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Destination: Confirmation Bias


Today’s topic: Confirmation bias.

Drew and I have moved back to Ontario and are temporarily living with family while we look for a new apartment. One relative is well-versed in common things that could kill you, from e-coli on produce to traffic accidents, skin cancer to home burglaries.

There are several news programs and talk shows this individual watches religiously that discuss ordinary people who are harmed or killed in unusual ways. This seems to have created a feedback loop in which the world appears more dangerous with each special report on the hidden dangers of [insert food, product, species, activity or habit here.]

This isn’t something only this one relative does, of course. I’ve walked into more than one situation assuming the best (or worst) and basically ended up with what I expected. If only we could be divided into two or more consciousnesses. How fascinating would it be to see all of the possible outcomes of one event or decision based on what each person involved thought might happen?!

I’m slowly learning that while we can influence some of the things that happen to us no one can control everything. Trying to do so actually seems to make things worse than going with the flow and worrying less.

Respond

Here are some of the questions that have been rolling around in my head: what came first, the sensationalistic programs or the anxiety about those things we cannot control? Is worrying about these things more or less common in stable countries with good safety nets?

What do you think?

 

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Suggestion Saturday: June 4, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, photographs and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

The explanation for the figure on this tree is something I haven’t figured out yet. (Photo credit – Usien.)

Oprah and Zoe. How do you respond to people who assume that you share their religious beliefs and are dismissive when they discover the truth?

I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. – Susan B. Anthony in an address to the National American Woman Suffrage Association (1896). If only she and I had been born into the same generation. We would have so much to discuss!

Torches on the Earth. There’s something soul-soothing about watching a day unfold into night.

You Can Talk to Me. I hope this catches on. Sometimes it’s nice when friendly extroverts start up a conversation.

From Let Love:

You too are enough, you too are perfect in your imperfection.

That knowledge is all the momentum you’re ever going to need. If you’re looking for answers, for meaning or purpose, for a way to change or to gather hope, for a bit of peace or a little faith, then look in the mirror. The answer is you. You are what you’ve been looking for. You are where change, hope and faith live and breathe.

That Ringing Sound. Is this the future of story-telling?  It reminds me of stories I grew up hearing from other kids.

A Post-Apocalyptic Society and How it Can Save Us. My brother, Aaron, sent this to me. Read it even if you have no interest in this genre. The yearnings it describes are, if not universal, then at least extremely common.

I haven’t read any new books in the last week or two. What have you been reading?

 

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Preventing Burnout

Abby at New Urban Habitat recently shared an excellent post on recovering from burnout.

Today I’ll take the conversation a step further: why are you burned out? what can we do to prevent it from happening again?

Have you taken on (or been assigned) too many responsibilities? Are you in a profession that is a poor fit for your interests and strengths? Do you have underlying health or relationship problems that are exacerbating the problem?

From Abby’s post:

For me the key is not avoiding burnout (or any other emotion), but learning from it, developing resiliency – bouncing back. That’s why I’ve been accumulating these strategies for inevitable bouts of burnout:

Resiliency is a fantastic trait but I’d argue that prevention just as important.

When I was ten my brothers and I came down with the chicken pox. It was a miserable, itchy experience that left behind a constellation of scars from the largest sores. Yes, we are probably immune for life now but I would have much preferred to be immunized against this disease as a small child instead.

A few years ago I became burned out. The process of figuring out what I needed to do to become happier was incredibly valuable. I have an arsenal of skills at my disposal if or when this happens again. More importantly, though, I know what I can do to (hopefully) prevent it:

  • Eating a healthier diet.
  • Exercising.
  • Meditating.
  • Enforcing better interpersonal boundaries – no is complete sentence.
  • Avoiding caffeine and refined sugar.
  • Transitioning to a career better suited to my personality and interests.

Then again, burnout to me is something to be taken seriously. It isn’t one bad day…it’s a month, season, year of them.

Respond

What do you do to prevent burnout? Do you agree with Abby when she says “as the years pass, I’m more accepting of life’s seasons, of natural cycles of dormancy and energy, of the inevitability of falling into ruts”?

(Photo credit – Sebastian Ritter.)

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Pick a Label, Any Label

Time: 1998-ish.

Place: My rural, northwest Ohio high school.

Characters: Yours truly and a persistant classmate I’ll pseudonym Chris.

Chris: So, you’re a Christian, right?

Lydia: Yes.

Chris: What kind are you?

Lydia: Just Christian. My church doesn’t belong to a denomination.

Chris: Oh. Are you Catholic?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Methodist?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Charismatic?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Lutheran?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Baptist?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Presbyterian?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Eastern Orthodox?

Lydia: No.

Five minutes later the conversation was still circling. We were beginning to veer into types of Christianity I’d never even heard of.  Finally I decided to act.

Chris: Anglican?

Lydia: Sure.

Chris: Oh, ok.

I no longer remember the real denomination that I agreed to in order to end the conversation. It may very well have been Anglican. All I can say is that it gave Chris an acceptable answer and for the rest of our high school career Chris never again asked about my beliefs.

If I could step into that moment again I would be honest with Chris. Our church was influenced by the Vineyard movement of the 90s and when I was much younger previous churches had been Charismatic. Either one would have been more accurate than the unfamiliar denomination.

Why lie? I didn’t want to be pigeonholed. The conversation caught me off-guard. I thought that Christian was descriptive enough.

My labels have changed over the years but the discomfort remains. Yes, one-size-fits-all is convenient and can make communication easier and sometimes thinking inside the box make it easier for other people to understand stuff they’ve never had to consider before.

In no way does this make the label-go-round any less odd, though.

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Suggestion Saturday: May 28, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, poetry, comics, photographs and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

A Simple Way to Kick the Multitasking Habit. One of the most helpful blog posts I’ve read so far in 2011. Multitasking has never been something that works in my experience.

Miscarried. Fair warning for sensitive readers: this poem is a heart-wrenching account of the author’s miscarriage.  It’s an absolutely fantastic piece, though. (Thank you, Daphe, for tweeting about it.)

How Babies Are Born. As an Agnostic I can make no claims about what happens after death. If some part of us does live on, though, I sincerely hope that this will be the fate of at least those of us who choose it.

Life in Miniatures. A continuation of my love for the whimsical life from last week’s Suggestion Saturday. There’s something so irresistible about adults who still see the wonder in our world!

This is Not a Painting. Click on the link for a landscape photograph that looks like a painting. Unbelievable.

What have you been reading?

 

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Dealing with Negative People

Recently I came across a chart describing what to do when other people dump their negative emotions on you. I adore it.

It isn’t easy to know how to respond to consistent negativity. After a while the warnings and the gooey layer of fear lurking behind them amalgamate into something similar to what would happen if every 6 O’Clock special report on stuff that (might) kill or maim you ever aired was squished together into one program.

(Don’t) Try This at Home

Unbridled optimism doesn’t help.  If anything it cements the idea that something horrible is about to happen in the minds of at least some negative people.

Don’t judge. None of us will ever know what it is like to walk in one another’s shoes.

As tempting as it may be I’ve yet to win an argument about this. If he or she thinks that the sky is falling or that a journey up north to find a kidnapped prince will never work there’s no line of reasoning that can convince them otherwise.

On the Other Hand…

In certain situations a well-timed joke can be effective in lightening the doom and gloom. Sometimes it’s easier to shake off a pessimistic attitude in collaboration with someone else.

On a related note, playful exaggeration can also be a good tool if you know the other person’s sense of humour well enough. For example “You have a hangnail! When did you want to schedule the amputation?” may elicit a smile if said tongue-in-cheek.

One of the most rewarding aspects of reading Buddhist books and websites is what they have to say about disengagement. Other people can share or do anything they’d like to express but this doesn’t mean you have to make their anger or fear your own. I’m far from an expert on putting these boundaries into practice yet every time I do there is a whoosh of relief.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. A lit match needs dry tinder to keep the flame alive.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a break from a specific situation or individual. Some combinations of people and circumstances are more difficult to handle gracefully than are others and I’m slowly learning that I don’t have to be everything to everyone.

Respond

How do you respond to consistently negative people?

 

 

 

 

 

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Enemies No Longer

I no longer want to be enemies with myself.

This phrase captured my imagination as soon as I noticed it in the search logs for this blog.

Why might someone have such inner turmoil?

  • They have guilt, warranted or otherwise.
  • They’re not comfortable in their own skin.
  • “The face of the enemy frightens me only when I see how much it resembles me.” – variously attributed.

(No doubt there are explanations that I’ve missed!) I wish I could know more about the person who typed that phrase. The smallest error floods some of us with guilt while others who have done much more harmful things barely register a pinprick of remorse on their consciences. Was the creator of this phrase someone who agonized over things that aren’t actually flaws? Maybe he or she saw something in someone else that reminded him or her of personal failings?

What lead to this decision? I’d like to think that he or she chose to try something new before it became more painful to stick to the old ways than it did to embrace something new. Change can be difficult enough when it’s done voluntarily.

What now?

Beyond (emotional?) battlefields of the past has come a new chapter in this individual’s life. Swords have been beaten into ploughshares, old wounds are finally scabbing over. We don’t know yet what is to come but it’s bound to be something incredible.

Incidentally, I ran my own Internet search on this phrase. According to my results there don’t appear to be any websites or articles out there on how to make the switch from being an enemy with yourself to working together. Maybe it isn’t something that the average person can just wake up one morning and decide to do? What do you think?

 

 

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