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A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman is my answer for this week’s prompt.
Why am I nervous to read it?
While I’m usually pretty good at ignoring short-tempered curmudgeons in real life, I developed that skill by emotionally distancing myself from them, setting firm boundaries, and accepting that they are (probably) never going to change.
From what I understand about the plot, Ove does eventually change and become a (slightly? moderately? dramatically? ) more tolerable person to spend time with.
I’ve avoided reading this book so far because I’m worried about being annoyed by how unrealistic the character development will be and how much the narrator will expect the kind characters I’m assuming the protagonist meets to bend over backwards to accommodate his surliness.
I am courteous to people like Ove and help them if I can do so without harming myself in real life, but I also don’t think the onus should be on those of us who are easy going to absorb other people’s anger. It reminds me of when teachers would sit me next to the class troublemakers because I was one of the quiet and studious kids in the classroom. (Yes, I know teachers in some districts have limited options when dealing with disruptive students, but expecting their good students to be the first line of defence against kids who can’t or won’t follow simple classroom instructions is a terrible strategy!)
People like Ove are presumably competent adults who are choosing to behave badly while many of us are quietly dealing with all sorts of problems without ever taking our pain and frustration out on others. A one-time or rare outburst can easily be forgiven, of course, but I avoid people who turn such behaviour into a habit or make excuses for it.
Frankly, I have my own troubles to deal with and simply don’t have the time or energy to try to “fix” the Oves of the world. I wish them well and genuinely hope things improve for them while also believing that it’s ultimately up to them to decide whether or not they will choose to behave in a way that makes others enjoy their company.
Yes, this can be harder for some people than it is for others for a variety of reasons, but part of being an adult is developing these coping skills and taking accountability if you hurt someone else just like you’d work on any other fault. I don’t expect perfection, just effort.
Maybe someday I will have the time and energy to read this book and see if my assumptions about it are valid, though!
That’s such a good point. I’m similarly minded in that I’ll help if I can without being pushed too far by someone else’s negative emotions. But there are limits. I used to be a pushover and bend over backwards to accommodate everyone else’s moods and whims, but it becomes detrimental to your health after a while.
I’m glad you get it! Yes, boundaries are imperative. It’s hard to develop them but so rewarding once you get used to saying no when necessary.
It will be interesting to see if reading about Ove changes the way you think about people like Ove.
I’ll try to remember to let you know if or when I read this book. I am intrigued by it.
Hi LydiaS,
I read this book about ten years ago and was pleasantly surprised. The depression and grief, which are slowly exposed, had me hanging in with the author. But the protagonists were also in difficult places, which made their interactions with Ove relatable and occasionally funny. It has helped me to let down my boundaries a little when encountering difficult people.
Oh, cool! Thank you for sharing.
It’s a book I really want to read because I absolutely loved the film A Man Named Otto, which is based on the book. I totally get where you are coming from, but maybe f the book is as moving as the film you might be pleasantly surprised?
That is a possibility!
I’m… actually kind of with you on this one, and I have the same issue with watching House: I just don’t feel like I need to spend that much time with somebody who’s fundamentally, unnecessarily, a jerk. Yes, I try to meet people where they are; but I am not the Jerk Whisperer and I don’t think anybody else should have to be either.
Exactly.
I’ve really wanted to read this book, but what you say is so true. It’s important we don’t let another person’s negativity bring us down. I love Michael’s comment: “I’m not the Jerk Whisperer…” Thanks for sharing and for visiting my blog.
You’re welcome. 🙂