Author Archives: lydias

About lydias

I'm a sci-fi writer who loves lifting weights and hates eating Brussels sprouts.

Suggestion Saturday: March 15, 2014

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, quotes, and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Understanding Culture and Language Ethnocide: A Native Perspective via FirstPeoples. The analogy Dr. S. Neyooxet Greymorning uses in this blog post made so much sense to me. I’d never thought about the importance of language to the preservation of a culture. So interesting!

The Man Who Destroyed America’s Ego. A long but fantastic article about the self-esteem movement and the man who questioned the validity of it.

Time Travelers: Don’t Kill Hitler – Kidnap Him. This idea just might work. If you’re ever sitting next to me when I’m in one of my very quiet moods, it’s possible I’m thinking about something like this.

A Quickie on My “Imaginary” Wife via calgarydreamer. My spouse isn’t as shy as this blogger’s wife, but it’s really nice to see how respectful he is of her decision to stay away from social media and his blog. It can be tough to write around someone who is such an important part of your life.

From Do You Suffer from IQS?:

Do you find yourself repeating meaningless platitudes about love, courage, or creativity throughout the day?  Do you attribute nearly every possible sentence in the English language to the same half dozen famous people?  Do you feel strangely moved by reading the same quote for the hundredth time on Twitter or Facebook?  Do you feel an utterance is made more profound by dividing it into lines, pasting it onto a picture of a sunset, and attributing it to a famous dead person?

Why Are They So Angry?  An excellent blog post that asks why certain people are so threatened by the existence of poor folks. I think it has a lot to do with stereotypes about poverty that are promoted in the media. Not to mention the fear of ending up in the same place.

Counting the Days Until Spring via everettpoetry. March has been a long, chilly, damp, frustrating month for me so far. I deeply identify with this poem.

“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.”― Andrew Boyd


What do you get when you combine Mormonism, Tourette’s Syndrome, and a lifelong love of reading? The World’s Strongest Librarian.

The best part of this autobiography is how effortlessly the author dives into what it feels like to be a child. Certain things that make perfect sense to adults are complete mysteries to people who are new to this world. Discovering the difference between the two adds humour and a touch of charm to what otherwise could have been a very lonely childhood.

This is a great choice for anyone in the mood for a lighthearted read, especially if you’re a fellow bookworm!

What have you been reading?

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It’s Ok to Say No

Picture by Pumbaa (original work by Greg Robson).

Picture by Pumbaa (original work by Greg Robson).

If Nobelium could speak, its first word would be no.

(Don’t quote me on that if you have a Chemistry test coming up, though. 😉 )

Over the past few years I’ve slowly been learning to say no without feeling guilty for it. There are still certain situations that trip me up, but I’m finding a lot of freedom in the idea that few things in life are compulsory.

It’s good to volunteer, spend time with loved ones, or do favours for other people. No one has the right to your time, though. Even if you said yes the last ten times or there’s no one else around to do it.

No.

Sometimes one small word is a full sentence. It doesn’t always need a reason to prop it up.

Just no.

The more you say it, the easier it is to let it stand on its own.

And the easier it is to find space for all of the Yeses in your life.

 

 

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ReMoved

ReMoved from HESCHLE on Vimeo.

This is a 12 minute short film about a preteen girl experiencing foster care that I absolutely loved.  I think my readers will like it, too. There are (non-graphic) depictions of domestic violence I thought I should mention in case anyone is sensitive to that sort of thing.

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Where Have All the Comments Gone?

Picture by Gamerforever.

Picture by Gamerforever.

Many of the comment sections in the blogs I follow are slowly growing quieter.

The content hasn’t changed as far as I can tell, but for some reason people are responding to new posts less often. The funny thing is that, at least for me, the number of visitors who come to this site has increased since I started blogging in 2010. Last month alone I saw a 30% bump in visits.

Is it due to readers posting links to stuff they like on social media instead? I’ve definitely been doing that more and more often over the last couple of years. There definitely is something to be said for telling all 5 (or 50, or 5000) of your followers that you loved a certain link.

Yet I think we’re losing a valuable part of blogging culture.

We’re all wrong sometimes. One of the strengths of reading and writing a public blog is that you rub shoulders with people from all walks of life. Yes, there are occasional trolls, but most of the folks I’ve met online have stretched my mind in good ways. The fact that we see things from different perspectives is a strength, not a weakness. There have been times when the comment section of a particular post is ten times more interesting than what originally sparked the conversation.

Which is why this silence frightens me. I don’t want to live in an echo chamber.

Which is why I’ve decided to comment more often on other people’s posts. For every two links I share, my goal is to leave one comment on sites that don’t require you to sign up on them first. (The annoyance of that is an entirely different post 😉 ).

I hope you will join me.

Maybe we can turn the tide.

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Suggestion Saturday: March 8, 2014

Here is this week’s list of blog posts and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

A Day in the Life of a Street Kid via Christina_Z13. I blinked away tears as I read this. Be sure to check out part one as well.

How a Convicted Murderer Prepares for a Job Interview. A really interesting piece about a group of ex-cons who are trying to make new lives for themselves.

How to Talk to Anyone (For at Least a Few Minutes). A very helpful post. The rest of the site may be NSFW.

Why We Tweet via alfageeek. I’d argue that this is true about everything we post online.

Inspiration P*rn or Unfit Parent. The title of this piece has been edited to prevent search bots from sending me visitors who are looking for things this blog doesn’t provide. 😉 What I liked the most about this post was how much it reminds me of my own childhood. My parents were always the ones who picked up trash around the neighbourhood to keep it tidy. I haven’t heard of many other families who make this one of their traditions, but it’s a good one!

From Pennies Saved via DJ_Whisenant:

I’ve been

savin’ on up; I’ve been

savin’ on up for a

fit and fine holi-

day…


World War II always seemed like it took up a disproportionate amount of time in my high school history classes. Because of that I’ve purposefully avoided books about that era as an adult. Until now.

Hitler’s Furies: German Women in the Nazi Killing Fields isn’t an easy read, but it’s an important one. I knew that German women who were free from mental and physical “defects” were pushed into having as many children as possible for their country. I didn’t know the extent of the political and social pressure on them, though, or how instrumental they were in the operation of prison camps and hospitals. Nursing was one of a handful of professions open to German women at the time, but many nurses found themselves ending lives instead of saving them.

This is a great choice if you’re in the mood to revisit World War II from the perspective of ordinary German women.

What have you been reading?

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20 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Me

  1. The Care Bears were the source of my most violent nightmares as a child.
  2. The smell of olives makes me feel nauseated.
  3. I have two speeds: my normal, quiet self, and extra talkative. Most of the time you barely hear a word out of me. Every once in a while I blab the ears off of anyone in listening distance. There is no middle ground. 😉
  4. I never learned how to whistle or snap my fingers.
  5. When I was a preteen my family began to gradually listen to more secular music. One year my mom bought me CDs from Alanis Morissette and Rebecca St. James. I listened to Rebecca’s album once or twice and totally wore Alanis’ album out. It made me feel guilty, but I could relate to Alanis’ anger much more easily than I could to Rebecca’s cloyingly sweet lyrics.
  6. I don’t think anyone should be allowed to use megaphones in public places. By all means promote any religion or event you choose to, but those machines are extremely loud. Sometimes painfully so. Not cool.
  7. Celery tastes better than steak to me.
  8. It’s still exciting to meet other Preacher’s Kids. There are groups for ex-pastors, current pastors, and spouses of pastors, but I’ve never come across a community for their kids. Someday, maybe…
  9. Sometimes I type conversations out on an imaginary typewriter in my head as everyone speaks them.
  10. The only thing I miss about church: potlucks. Especially the desserts.
  11. It’s been 4 years since I last wore a dress. I’m much more comfortable in pants and plan to keep this streak going for a very long time.
  12. I often wonder how the really angry street preachers in my neighbourhood behave when they go home. Are they pleasant dinner companions? Is religion the only thing they ever talk about? Do their spouses yell and scream on other street corners, or is this a hobby that works best when your better half doesn’t share it?
  13. I’m easily startled.
  14. I’m totally uncomfortable with hearing graphic details about how other folks gave birth. When the topic comes up, I find a way out of the room ASAP. By all means talk about it…just not with me.
  15. Gospel music is my go-to source for a quick mood boost.
  16. I think everyone should learn how to shoot a gun. It’s a hell of a lot harder than it looks, but it’s a survival skill that can come in handy in an emergency. E.g. signalling for help if you’re injured in a very isolated area or scaring off a predator.
  17. When I die in my dreams I always come back as either a mischievous ghost or a (slightly) intelligent zombie.
  18. I’ve often wished my hair was curlier.
  19. I get carsick unless there is a very experienced and smooth driver at the wheel.
  20. When I was little we lived in an old farmhouse that had some sort of attic. Mom forbid me from going up there alone, so instead I’d stand near it and wonder what was up there that she didn’t want me to get into. I never broke her rule, though!

 

This blog has been so seriously lately that I thought it was time for something silly.

What would most people be surprised to learn about you?

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A Song for Meditation

This is 8 minutes of pure relaxation. I’ve been using it in my daily meditation and thought my readers might like to give it a try as well. If the video doesn’t show up, click here.

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Mailbag #14

Anonymous asks:

How do I respond to my brother’s request that I forgive our toxic mother?

Something tells me he’s more interested in Kodak moments than forgiveness.

That is, I get the impression that your brother wants the entire family to gather together for birthdays, weddings, and holidays without tension. He wants to make lots of happy memories  and dreams of family pictures that include everyone.

The difference between his fantasy family and the one he actually has right now is stark. I’d explain your reasons for not wanting to spend ( more? any?) time with her one more time with him.  If you trust him, I’d offer to get together separately with him and any other siblings you two might have.

Sometimes people are so intent on preserving the image of their happy family that they are too quick to gloss over serious issues that can’t be swept underneath the rug.  You’ll be able to tell fairly soon if this is something he’s trying to do. Don’t assume it will happen, but do  think about what kind of relationship you’d want to have with him if he continues to press the issue. 

And go read Susan Forward’s Toxic Parents. Despite the title, this is a great book for successfully handling just about any type of relationship with manipulative, controlling, or abusive people.

 

Do you have a question for me? Submit it through the contact form, in the comment section or by emailing postmaster AT on-the-other-hand DOT com. 

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Suggestion Saturday: March 1, 2014

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, stories, photographs, and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Since I Lost My Baby via fsouth. A gripping short story about grief, death, and coming to terms with a new chapter in life. Everything else I want to say about this piece includes spoilers, so my description of it remains vague. Just trust me when I tell you it’s a must-read!

How Having Multiple Boyfriends Is Like Having Multiple Kids. This post is innocuous, but other parts of the site are NSFW.

Tham Lod Cave. Who wants to explore this cave with me?

Evil Tyrants and Their Disappointing Family Members via pinkertonpark. It’s fascinating to see what members of the same family do and do not have  in common. Sharing the same DNA or home environment is no guarantee that you’ll share the same interests, religion, political beliefs, or anything else.

From What We Can & Can’t Trust via OriahMtnDrmr:

Inevitably, the person who has sought me out, says something like- “I don’t think I can ever trust my own judgement again- I didn’t see the lie, didn’t anticipate the betrayal, should have known, could have left, didn’t see who she was, what he was up to. . . .”

From Slavery’s Last Stronghold:

The usually stoic mother — whose jet-black eyes and cardboard hands carry decades of sadness — wept when she saw her child’s lifeless face, eyes open and covered in ants, resting in the orange sands of the Mauritanian desert. The master who raped Moulkheir to produce the child wanted to punish his slave. He told her she would work faster without the child on her back.


This week’s recommendation is The End of the Suburbs.

The most restless years of my childhood were spent in the suburbs. I hated relying on my parents to drive us into town to visit the library or catch a movie. What little there was to do within the geographic boundaries of our subdivision quickly became boring from overuse.

I was ecstatic when we moved to town the winter after I turned 15. At about 15,000 residents it was still achingly small for my tastes, but at least I could take a walk to rent movies, borrow library books, or buy a cookie at one of the old-fashioned bakeries in the original downtown strip. It was the faintest taste of the life in Toronto that awaited me as an adult.

This book explains how and why city life is once again becoming more popular than suburban life. We are reversing a trend that started decades ago, and I am as interested in why people flocked to the suburbs in the 1950s as I am in why they are now coming to their senses. 😛

Yes, I’m totally joking there. It’s just hard for me to see the appeal of suburban life. Rural addresses at least include ample space and a front row seat to the beauty of nature. The suburbs seem to include the worst of both worlds – you’re surrounded by people yet have little to no access to public transit, artistic festivals, or stores within walking distance.

What have you been reading?

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The Upside of Having a Friendly Face

Painting by Achraf Amiri.

Painting by Achraf Amiri.

Like most city people, I’ve perfected the art of not making eye contact with strangers. There have been times I’ve walked right by someone I knew without noticing them because I’m so focused on gliding through the crowd and preserving everyone’s illusion of personal space.

Yet I’ve been talking to a lot of strangers recently.

Most of them need directions. You can tell they’re about to approach you before they make the final decision to do so. The soft hesitation in their body language and furtive glances they toss at passer-byes gives them away.

Somehow they decide I’m the right person to approach.

Maybe I have a friendly face. I don’t know. It’s an easy way to help, though, and I don’t mind pointing them in the right direction if I know how to get to their destination.

But occasionally these interactions provide fodder for blog posts or short stories. The other day I was carrying home a case of soda when a stranger approached me.

“I don’t suppose I could have one of those?” he asked with a smile.

“Sorry, no,” I said. Good Canadians preface everything with an apology, and I’d been so wrapped up in my thoughts that it had taken me a few seconds to register what was happening. It’s a little odd to talk to people you don’t know up here in Toronto.

He shrugged and walked away, but I carried the conversation with me wishing I’d said yes. If nothing else, it would have given me more time to figure out why he was asking. The possibilities are endless.

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