Suggestion Saturday: January 22, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web. (Photo credit.)

A Complex Woman’s Annotations. I love the idea of having a regular check-in. I wonder if I could convince friends and family to do something like this? 😉 It seems like we either talk all of the time or not at all for weeks or months on end.

Meet the Man Who Lived With Wolves. One of the most fascinating aspects of living in a big city (or even the suburbs to a certain degree) is how much people who have little experience with it can romanticize and spiritualize nature.  I don’t know if this is what is going on here but it is the first thing to come to mind as I read this article.

One Story, One Song. Richard Wagamese’s new memoir is going to be released in a few weeks. His blog is excellent so I have high hopes for the book!

Canadian Complacency: How We Don’t Understand the US and How We Don’t Fight Hard Enough For Ourselves. This is a fantastic post about how Canadians spend so much time comparing ourselves to the US that we miss those things in our society that need to be fixed. I know I’ve been guilty of it. It was so exhilarating to move to a country that makes it easier for disadvantaged people to access medical care and quality education that I overlooked some of the stuff Canada needs to work on.

You Should Date an Illiterate Girl. Read this regardless of whether you’re single, in a monogamous, committed relationship or something else entirely. It is so very true.

A final thought:

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. – Will Rogers

What have you been reading?

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5 Reasons Why You Should Stop Reading the News

Over the last year or so I’ve gradually stopped reading, listening to and watching the news on purpose. (That is, I don’t seek out news stories but if an informative article is shared by a friend or posted on a favourite blog I very well may read it.)  Here are some reasons why you should do the same:

  1. The vast majority of news providers put a sensational spin on the stories they report whether it is by taking a quote out of context, injecting controversy into even the most mild of disagreements or completely misrepresenting the latest scientific research.
  2. Sound-bite debates. Not every debate can or should be framed as one extreme viewpoint arguing loudly with the other. Not only is there a planet’s worth of opinions on any topic (only a minority of which are actually extremist), most people are perfectly capable of embracing the grey in life. Us vs. Them ™ may make for an exciting news story but it doesn’t reflect the vast majority of human relationships.
  3. A steady diet of worst-case scenarios ignites fear. If most of what you hear about the world are stories about murder, rape, kidnapping, war, starvation, disease and deadly household products it becomes so easy to assume that this is what awaits you ever time you step outdoors.  There are people in my life who live in fear in part because they believe that what is on the news is an accurate reflection of reality.
  4. There’s no such thing as an unbiased journalist or news group. If you hear someone claim to be just reporting the facts (unless they are, in fact, just rattling off a list of numbers without any exposition!) take a hard look at what they’re saying. Bias isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. As humans we will always be constrained by our perspective in life. The trick is to acknowledge it and to gather ideas from as many other people as possible. Listening to one news source can hamper this…especially if your beliefs match up well enough that they never challenge your assumptions.
  5. Also consider the problem of manufactured controversy. In an effort to appear unbiased news organizations often try to show every side to an issue…even when 99% of the experts on that topic agree. Climate change is an excellent example of this. Despite what the US news may report, there is a consensus on this topic. Does that mean that we will never find new information that alters what we believe to be true? Of course not! But the “controversy” on this topic exists only to bring higher ratings on the news and in a few radical groups. The actual data that has been gathered so far tells a far different story.

How Do You Know What’s Happening, Then?

Most often I hear about what is going in the world from friends and family or come across an article or post about that specific event while reading my RSS feed. I’m not dogmatic about avoiding any whisper of local or worldwide news. One story isn’t going to make my head explode (I hope. 😉 ) It just isn’t something I intentionally seek out.

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A Cure for Nostalgia?

Eight or nine years ago Dad spotted a leather jacket at our local secondhand store that looked like it might be my size. As soon as I arrived home from class he told me about it. I’d been looking for a new jacket for some time and hadn’t found anything I liked yet so I drove over to the shop sure that someone else had bought it.

They hadn’t.

It was hanging right where Dad had last seen it. At first glance I wasn’t sure if I liked it; the color was a little more auburn than I had imagined would be my next jacket. I tried it on anyway. It was a perfect fit.

I wore that jacket everywhere.  It wrapped around me as I walked to my car late at night after work and hung over the back of my chair through countless hours of studying at the library. I wore it the first time I met Drew and took it off just minutes before meeting my newborn nephew four winters ago.

A Few Years Ago

The lining in it began to fall apart. That was ok, though, as I was the only person who ever saw it. I also wasn’t sure how easy it would be to replace the lining as the inside of the coat was falling apart almost as quickly as the lining itself.

When the zipper started to stick I quickly learned to hold the bottom stop and pull tab just so. At the right angle it still worked ok.

Last spring I noticed a series of holes that had developed on the jacket. I planned to have them fixed until I realized that some sections of my jacket were more air than coat. Reluctantly I threw it away just before we moved out here.

Nostalgia

Normally I’m not a sentimental person. Most stuffs exist for almost wholly practical reasons in my mind. The only exceptions to this are a couple of boxes of keepsakes: photo albums, my wedding dress, a few childhood outfits and some other small, miscellaneous items. Yet there was something bittersweet about throwing that jacket out. So much of my life – good, bad and mundane – passed while I wore it.

Over the last few days I’ve been feeling nostalgic about the past in general. Part of this can be explained by the message boards at The Ooze coming back. The beta test of the boards is full of Ooze old-timers. I’ve missed talking with so many of them. The years when I was most active there were personally difficult for a variety of reasons but we had such stimulating conversations on the boards. I don’t want to go back to the hard times but I do miss the positive stuff!

If only there could be one without the other.

Respond

What do you do when you’re feeling nostalgic?

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Suggestion Saturday: January 15, 2011

Before we jump into this week’s list of great stuff I wanted to tell you about my new, free newsletter.  It will contain advanced notice for my future writing projects and other exclusive content. Sign up for it here or in the box on the righthand side of this page. Your personal information will never be shared in any way.

Now on to Suggestion Saturday!

The Appearance of Wisdom. Where is the line between warning someone about something in their life that you consider to be (potentially?) dangerous and squelching their interests or personal development? Hop over to my friend Sarah’s blog for a fascinating discussion of this topic.

Should a Woman Hire a Sex Worker to Lose Her Virginity? I’d never considered the possibility of a woman doing this. Somehow it seems much less odd for men. I wonder why my brain makes such a distinction between the two?

From My Problem with the “Devil” and “Evil“:

Blaming a cosmic enemy takes the problem out of our hands and moves the power to fix the issue beyond our reach. When we say, “evil” is the cause, we don’t realize that we are simply tossing the issue into a catch-all pot for the things that we label “wicked” when we don’t have any other explanation.

The Working Poor at Walt Disney World. These videos take about half an hour to watch. They are worth every minute of it. Canadian workers tend to have a higher minimum wage but those at the lowest rungs face many of the same issues as the individuals in this video. There’s something deeply wrong about someone who works hard 50 hours a week not having enough money to buy medicine or food at the end of the month. The minimum wage should be high enough to cover these things.

What have you been reading?

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It’s Never Just Gossip

Let’s begin with a one-sentence working definition of gossip for the purpose of this post: saying or listening to information (true or otherwise) about someone that you wouldn’t feel comfortable participating in if that person was standing next to you.

Between a difficult half-dozen or so years in school and growing up as a preacher’s kid in a series of small, insular towns I spent a good chunk of my childhood avoiding the ridiculous stories other people shared about me and my family.

The most important lesson I learned from those experiences is that it’s never just gossip. Listening to or spreading the latest juicy earful, even if it seems to be harmless speculation, can permanently damage your relationships for the following reasons:

It erodes trust. Most people consistently exhibit the same types of behaviours over time. If someone wants to share the latest titillating rumour about so-and-so I can only assume that they’re saying equally unflattering things about me when I’m not around. This makes it extremely difficult to share anything with them that I’m not ready for the entire world to know and if I can’t trust someone with at least some private or highly personal information we probably won’t be spending much time together in the future.

Words have sharp edges. They can destroy reputations and annihilate a lifetime of trust in one conversation. If I’m going to influence someone else’s life I want to build them up instead of tearing them down. Destruction is easier and faster but the only thing it leaves behind is emotional rubble. I want to be and do more than that.

You don’t know what you don’t know. Outward appearances and our assumptions about what is going on should never be taken as substitutions for the truth. They can point towards it but ultimately we can never truly know what is in the heart or mind of someone else unless and until they tell us.

Criticism is a habit. The more you practice it the easier it is to view others, the world and yourself with a critical and unforgiving eye. We need more grace and acceptance in our lives, not nitpicking or condemnation so this is how I try to treat both others and myself. Criticism does have its place in certain situations…but I believe it is a far smaller one than most people think.

I’d include celebrity “gossip” in this as well.  Hearing that so-and-so is getting married, having a baby or won a prestigious award is fine. Rumours about alleged personal problems or nit-picking someone else’s appearance, family status or religious/ethical beliefs are activities that I find rather offensive. If it isn’t something I’d want to be said about me or someone I love why would it be somehow ok to do it to a stranger?

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Seeking Inspiration

I thought I’d try another interactive post. (hopefully) The bulk of this post will be hammered out in the comments.

Inspiration

Where do you find it?

How do you know where to look?

Where do you keep it once it has come to visit?

what does it look, smell, taste, sound, feel like?

How do you encourage it to come back?

In My Experience

Deciding “I’m going to be inspired starting….now” never works. It happens when it happens. You can’t force it to show up or make it appear in certain ways. Doing so would be about as fruitful as catching smoke with a butterfly net. (Photo credit.) It is what it is and it will come and go as it pleases. Often I come up with ideas at the most inopportune times: while engaging in a conversation from which I cannot easily untangle or when I’m in a situation in which it is difficult to take a minute and write down what I’m thinking.

It sometimes takes unexpected paths. That’s ok. Detours can lead you to incredible places. Don’t worry about where you were supposed to go or where you will end up. Enjoy the journey.

Ideas travel in packs. When one shows up more often follow.

Write it down. Most importantly: be sure to jot down moments of inspiration as soon as possible. One of the most frustrating things about writing is when I forget something just before I’m able to commit at least a few words of it to paper.

Respond

What do you know of inspiration? What inspires you? How do you collect and manage new ideas?

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Suggestion Saturday: January 8, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, comic strips, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web. (Photo credit.)

The “M” in Morality. Can everything be divided into good and evil? What does it mean to be moral? Why is morality important to humans but irrelevant to more solitary species? Click on the link to find out. One day, ‘Seph, we’re going to have to sit down and hash out these questions over a cold drink. 🙂

Myth-Making and the “We Can Do It!” Poster. Which picture do you think of when I mention Rosie the Riveter? I just recently found out that the poster most commonly associated with this World War II character isn’t actually the real Rosie.

Your Local Christian Bookstore. A comic strip about one of the great gender divides at Christian bookstores. I’ve noticed the same phenomenon in secular bookstores, though: (straight) women are somehow responsible for their entire relationship while men are rarely if ever asked or shown how to do the same thing. 99% of the advice books are for and about the women and promote extremely traditional, rigid gender roles. It’s as if that section of the bookstore oozed out of the 1950s and I’d be far less annoyed by it all if other options for constructing a relationship were at least mentioned!

A Bilbo Baggins Vibe. I love it when unrelated media (in this case a comic strip) references Lord of the Rings.

Barbara Ehrenreich and The Law of Attraction. An excellent video that illustrates the most troubling aspects of the Law of Attraction and other positive thinking bullshit. I rarely if ever cuss on this blog or in real life but the massive numbers of people who are manipulated and bamboozled by these ridiculous (and in some cases psychologically abusive) movements makes me incredibly angry.

How Bad is Welfare Fraud in the USA? A great discussion about welfare fraud in the United States. When I was growing up there I heard stories about people making a great deal of money through defrauding social assistance. It always sounded like an urban legend to me.

What have you been reading?

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Hiking in 2011

A while ago Abby at New Urban Habitat posted a link to this article about how children today are spending much less time outdoors than did their parents or grandparents. The average kid spends 7 hours and 38 minutes a day watching tv and playing on the computer.

I’ll Admit It

I spend a lot of time online these days, probably too much. Some of this is due to the unusually hot summer we had this year and the fact that it’s January now and rather chilly. When the weather is less extreme I do spend more time outdoors.

Of course, I’ve only been in our new home a few days. I don’t yet know the neighbourhood routines and while this seems like a great area to live in it does take a little while to find a new pattern of living. Drew has read about some animal attacks out here in B.C. due to the overlap in new suburban developments and the traditional territory of certain predators that are now beginning to run low on food.

I’m not worried about being attacked; I’m simply aware of my lack of local knowledge at the moment.

(Interestingly enough, I actually feel safer here in Canada than I did in the small Ohio town I lived in before moving north. Sidewalks and street lamps are maintained to a much higher standard, there are far more pedestrians and fewer people here believe that living in a good, Christian community means that one never has to think about these things or that bad things only happen to bad people.)

2011 Shift

At a certain point, though, all of these obstacles simply become excuses. When I am able to hike or walk at a park I come home invigorated body and soul. There’s something refreshing about being completely surrounded by trees for a few hours or even just taking a brisk walk or jog around the block. I know I should do these things more often. Rather than making it a New Year’s resolution that is quickly forgotten, though, I am committing myself to making small changes over time. I’m exercising indoors a few times a week for now in preparation for something I’m really looking forward to getting back into next year.

The photo on your right was taken somewhere in British Columbia. I want to find this place and even if I cannot find it if the trails we hike on are even half as rugged and beautiful as this one I’ll be thrilled!

My aunt and uncle are avid hikers and outdoors(wo)men. Listening to their stories about the various adventures they’ve had in the great outdoors is encouraging me to get back into at least the former activity. As a child my family spent a fair amount of time hiking on family-friendly trails and for several years we also spent most of our vacations going camping.

Over the next few months I’ll be doing research, slowly getting into better shape and spending less time staring at screens and figuring out where I want to hike first in the spring. At this point I’m uninterested in rock climbing…although a year ago I didn’t spend much time  thinking about hiking!

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Three Adventures

The First Adventure

Mumble, mumble years ago my grandfather’s younger sister made an uncommon decision. Her five siblings were  content to remain in the midwest, raise thriving, big families and then watch their grandchildren grow up.

My conjecture of this time in her life is that Aunt Jan wanted to do something else. After college graduation she moved to Arizona. For two years she and Aunt Fay were employed by the federal government teaching at a reservation school for a few years. Both aunts learned quickly not to hug their students or praise their hard work in public because these things weren’t culturally appropriate in that setting.

When I was growing up the aunts would fly back to visit the extended family in Ohio every year or so. They brought us oranges and grapefruit that tasted like warm, spring sunshine. It always ruined me for store-bought citrus for weeks after they returned home.

Slowly I hear just a little more about their adventures every year, the most interesting stories dribbling out when I least expect them. I savour each one like the fruit they used to bring and wonder what else I will learn the next time we meet. It isn’t easy to ask for stories about adventures that I haven’t heard yet, though. How do you request something when you don’t know its name?

It seems to me that as many stories as I’ve heard from Aunt Jan there are far more that have yet to be shared. I think of the rest as the other half of her adventures! 🙂

The Second Adventure

Just before my 22nd birthday I moved to Toronto to begin a life together with the man I loved. It was difficult to move so far away from my nuclear and extended family but I knew that remaining in the midwest and raising a houseful of children wasn’t the right path for me. I wasn’t suited for that life and really wanted to know some other options.

Today Drew and I are moving to British Columbia. We were more than ready for a change:  temperate weather, a more casual culture, and a brand new neighborhood and city to explore.

We have some savings and a goal: to make a living from writing. This is our adventure. I will share our triumphs and failures (but hopefully mostly the former!) with you in the coming months.

What has been or will be your adventure? What paths have you deliberately followed? From which ones have you purposefully wandered?

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Blogs You Should Be Following

A few times each year on Suggestion Saturday I will talk about blogs not listed in my links (with one exception in this post) that I highly recommend checking out. They’re arranged loosely by topic. Share your favourite sites in the comment section!

Love, Sexuality & Relationships

Effing Dykes. This is the funniest blog I’ve ever read. One day I’d love to sit down for a cup of coffee with the author and laugh about the weirdnesses of our society.

The Polyamory Paradigm. Discussions on a wide variety of topics related to polyamory.

The American Virgin. The social constructs of that thing we call virginity. The best posts here are the interviews with adult virgins of various ages and from a wide array of backgrounds.

Religion & Spirituality

Hell? No! Why there is no such thing as hell. It is blogs like this one that keep my flicker of religious belief smouldering.

Catching Courage. This isn’t a typical blog about religion or spirituality. In the short time I’ve been following it I remember few if any references to God yet it nurtures my soul all the same.

Justice & Social Acceptance

Accepting Dad. A blog written by a father whose son is gender-nonconforming.

Feministing. Religion, politics, and pop culture from a feminist perspective.

Mona Eltahawy. Thoughts from a Muslim, Egyptian Feminist.

Green Living & Simplicity

The Frugal Vegan. Frugality and vegan food. I’ve found so many good recipes here!

New Urban Habitat. Sustainable city living.

Stone Soup. Simple, delicious meal preparation.

Other

Paleo-Future Blog. Images, articles and videos from what people thought the future would be like 20, 50, 100 years ago.

Tetrapod Zoology. Articles on unusual animals. Occasionally there are posts challenging readers to identify a particular species. I’ve never guessed it correctly but I will keep trying!

Heretic Underground. An obligatory link to my husband’s new site about unorthodox living. It launches today and I’m really looking forward to seeing what he has to say.

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