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This week’s prompt was a little tricky for me because I’ve been feeling down in the dumps lately. January isn’t my favourite month of the year, and this one seems to really be dragging on.
I don’t know about all of you, but sometimes my brain likes to focus on the things I wish I’d done differently instead taking note of what I think I’ve done well in life so far. I will take this as a challenge to congratulate myself on how far I’ve come, though!
When someone needs help, I’m the sort of person who will leap to the occasion. That’s a positive character trait in many situations, but sometimes it can be taken too far if you don’t also look after your own needs or if the person who wants help doesn’t respect boundaries.
In the past few years, I’ve noticed that it’s slowly become easier for me to realize what my limits are and stop before I’ve been pushed past them.
As a hypothetical example, I can be available to do A or B for someone on the first Tuesday of the month from 7 to 8 pm but not be able to do anything outside of that time frame and never agree to do C, D, or E for them.
It’s a huge win, especially when the occasional person demands I give them all of the letters of the alphabet on any given day and hour of the week and I still stand firm in how much time and energy I actually have for them.
Not only that, but my guilt about saying no is decreasing, too, and I can now more easily end my availability to do A or B temporarily (or even permanently) for people who try to push past my limits one too many times.
Ah, Lydia, I can relate to so much of your post. I feel like January lasts ages, too. And I also have trouble saying no – the guilt is huge. I really need to learn how to set limits, because I end up just saying yes and it can be exhausting.
Thank you, George! I’m glad you get it.
“No” is one of the hardest things to say to someone… I’m glad you’re learning to take care of yourself and do that now and then.
It sure is. And thanks. 🙂
I feel you. The hardest for me is saying no to my family. I struggle a lot with it. But, as you said, it’s a matter of starting and realizing it’s okay. We can ask for time for ourselves, and that’s not something we should feel guilty.
I’m happy you’re doing better and hey, -5 to this 1897578 day-long January.
V
Thank you, MacKade! I appreciate that.
Glad you’ve learned to set limits.
Thank you.
Saying no is one of the hardest things ever. Good on you for learning how to set limits and learning how to do self-care in that way. Thanks for stopping by.
Yes, it sure is! You’re welcome, and thank you for your kind words.
Hi Lydia, I can also relate to your post. Sometimes I get so involved in regrets as to what I should have done in my life that it takes a while rein myself back to reality. Saying “no” has always been difficult for me but I’ve been experimenting with my “yes” decisions as a way of stretching myself to become more comfortable in different situations. As a confirmed introvert this has been interesting.
Heres a random question for you, have you ever written anything about your experience with the transition to another country. I’m sure its sometimes been challenging. I fantasize about applying for duel citizenship with Germany. I think only because I could. However the reality of becoming fluent in the language which is a requirement puts the brakes on that.
Fred
Hi Frederick!
I’d forgotten you read my blog. It’s nice to hear from you.
I have written two posts about the immigration and citizenship process:
Things Nobody Tells You About Moving to Canada – https://lydiaschoch.com/things-nobody-tells-you-about-moving-to-canada/
And
How to Become a Canadian: https://lydiaschoch.com/how-to-become-a-canadian/
You need to be able to speak either French or English to become a citizen here in Ontario. (If I’d moved to Quebec, I would have been required to learn French). I didn’t know German was required to become a German citizen, but it makes sense.
I hope you’ll keep me updated. 🙂
Making and keeping boundaries is a very important skill and one I learned a bit late in life. Well done!
Thank you, Wendy. I appreciate that.
Oh, heck yes! Any time you’re setting good boundaries — and especially when it goes against your natural inclinations — you have every right to be proud!
Thank you very much! That means a lot.
I agree – I’m often the one to help people and struggle to say no, so setting boundaries is important.
I’m glad you get it.
Learning to set limits and how to apply them is a huge thing so definitely something to be proud of!
Thank you very much!