Change of Heart

I wasn’t planning to share another short film so soon after discussing The Maker with all of you last week but this was a great story. There is a more traditional post coming on Monday for those of you who aren’t interested in short films.

A quick synopsis for everyone who couldn’t/didn’t click play:

A husband and wife both had multiple sexual partners before (re)committing their live to Allah and marrying one another. When an old friend runs into them on the street the husband becomes jealous of his wife’s past and storms off. Even though he wasn’t a virgin either he feels that it’s somehow worse for his wife to have had previous lovers than for him to have that experience.

Double standards are a funny thing. What is slightly annoying if ultimately excusable when you do it becomes an obviously pre-meditated act of obnoxiousness when someone else does it.

Or at least that’s the thought process I’ve been guilty of more than once. It’s so much easier to point out what other people are doing wrong than to offer them the same grace you want for yourself.

Maybe my readers are better human beings but I still haven’t figured out how to not participate in this merry-go-round of mismatched expectations. 😉

Any ideas on how one can stop doing this?

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Behind Closed Doors

While I was growing up my father often said, “you never really know what’s going on in someone else’s life.” It was eye-opening as a preacher’s kid to glimpse what was really happening in other people’s homes.

Some of the happiest families at church assumed those roles by stuffing their darkest secrets so deeply into themselves that I don’t think most of our mutual friends ever knew what was really going on.

I think we all do this to an extent. Here in the present day I have several friends dealing with fairly serious health problems. One of them responds to it by skimming the surface of life when giving health updates. Only those of us who’ve known this individual a long time have been told more. Another friend deals with the frustration and fear by talking about it in great detail with any friends willing to listen.

I don’t know why some people are more willing to reveal what’s really going on in their lives than are others. It’s an interesting idea to think about as we slowly move closer to the holiday season, though.

One of the most frustrating things about that time of year for me is how easy it is to feel forced into the one big happy family box. Advertisements are filled with families who make the Cosbys and the Waltons look dysfunctional and there’s a social expectation that everyone loves this time of year . There doesn’t seem to be a great deal of emotional room for families who aren’t closely-knit or who don’t, in fact, all live in the same state. Or country.

Watching my friends figure out how to navigate their new diagnoses reminds me that I don’t actually know what is going on in other people’s lives. Maybe you’re just as annoyed with the impending mandatory holiday cheer and togetherness as I am?

Let me know in the comment section.

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Suggestion Saturday: October 13, 2012

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, comic strips and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web. It seems that this week’s theme is mental health! 🙂

On Falling Apart. A first-person account of one woman’s mental illness.

You’re Just Depressed. A comic strip about what it feels like to be depressed. It complements the first link in this post beautifully.

5 Reasons Life Actually Does Get Better. I also thought this was a good reminder for all of us who have bad days but who aren’t actually depressed.

Benchmarks for Good Relationships. A conversation about the types of questions you should ask yourself to determine if a relationship (platonic, romantic, work, or otherwise) is healthy. I’d like to see something added about how people respond to others setting boundaries with them. Someone who doesn’t respect them isn’t an individual I’m going keep around for very long. This link is work-safe but the rest of the site may not be. 

40 Things to Say Before You Die. The less I tell you about this list the better.

From The Past:

I had no sooner entered the house than I knew something was wrong. Thought I had never been in so splendid a place before – it was one of those big houses just off Fifth Avenue – I had a suspicion from the first that the magnificence  covered a secret disturbance. I was always quick to receive impressions, and when the black iron doors swung together behind me, I felt as if I were shut inside a prison.

Earlier this year I recommended Ashes. If you haven’t read it yet (or no longer remember the names and back stories of all of the characters), start reading. The sequel just came out and next Saturday I’ll be sharing a short, spoiler-free review of it.

I’ve been looking forward to the continuation of this series for close to a year now. It should be really good.

What have you been reading?

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The Maker

I just finished watching this gorgeous short film about a creature who is given a short period of time to create a companion for himself and breathe life into her. There is music but no dialogue in this piece. You can watch it with the volume turned off if necessary. I don’t want to give away spoilers but I will send a short private message to anyone who requires a written description of what happens.

Done watching? Let’s talk.

It’s amazing to me how accurately a five-minute film can capture the dull ache of loneliness, the pinch of overdue anticipation, the slightest whisper of hope. I’ve seen feature length films take two hours to cover the breadth of emotions this piece touches on in the first two minutes. Lately I’ve become jaded when it comes to watching fictionalized stories on a big (or small) screen. I’d rather not watch anything at all than know at the beginning of a TV show or movie exactly how the plot is going to unfold. Surprise me or I’ll stop watching.

The Maker was so good I thought I’d make it the subject of today’s post.

What do you look for in a good story? Have you found yourself growing pickier about the TV shows or movies you watch? What are the best shows you’ve seen lately?

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Thanksgiving Thoughts

This past year or so has been quite the roller coaster ride.  Drew and I have moved twice, had several relatives become seriously ill, said a permanent goodbye to two extended family members and dealt with a host of other life challenges.

This quote is one of the things that pulled me through some tough times. Even when I couldn’t possibly imagine how things would turn out ok…they eventually did.

The roughest waters seem to be behind us for the moment. I don’t know what lies around the next bend but I’m so grateful for everything we do have – each other, friends and family who stick around through thick and thin, enough money to pay the bills, and a warm, safe roof over our heads.

This Thanksgiving will be a quiet one. We won’t be participating in any of the traditional festivities. I’m not a fan of many of the foods one typically serves at Thanksgiving and neither of us feels the need to cook a big meal. Maybe we’ll start a new tradition instead?

My regular posting schedule resumes on Thursday. In the meantime Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian readers and happy Columbus Day to U.S. readers. May your day off include everything you like and nothing that you do not.

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Suggestion Saturday: October 6, 2012

Here is this week’s list of blog posts,videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

From Why School Should Be More Like Summer Camp:

 Right now, students are spending nine months stressed, going through drills, memorizing things before an exam and then forgetting it. Then, they go to summer vacation. Some of the most affluent or motivated kids might be able to pull off having a very creative summer vacation, but most don’t. For most, it is just kind of lost time.

When people say, “Summer vacation, those are my best memories. That is when I actually got to do creative things. That is when we actually got to travel,” I say, yeah, exactly, that is what the whole year should be like. Make school year-round, but also make it much more like a creative summer camp.

What Your Favourite Colour Says About You. I still wonder why they left out orange. The rainbow isn’t complete without it.

Suspended Red Thread Coils Reflect the Idea of Soul Mates. This is a beautiful work of art regardless of what you believe about soul mates or the ancient Chinese legend about the red threads of our lives.

Sand Rabbit. There’s no educational merit to this link. I just thought it was cute.

Spreading the Word About the Mini Free Library. What a fantastic idea! Has it spread to your community yet?

A Raining Room You Can Walk Through. Years ago my brother’s then-girlfriend ( now-wife)  lived with our family for a while. One warm spring night a gentle rainstorm struck our small Ohio town. My brother convinced her to stand in the backyard with him and feel the rain on her face. I sat on the back porch and watched them for a few seconds when suddenly, boom. An angry peal of thunder rattled our bones as lightning lit up the evening sky. Poor Jeni shrieked and ran back to the house. I wonder if she’d ever want to visit a gentle rain room? Even though we can’t control the weather I feel like the Schoch tribe owes her a little peace and quiet to make up for that night. 😉

Two decades ago a fifteen year old girl named Tara disappeared in the woods near her parents home. One Christmas afternoon she reappears on their doorstep looking exactly the same as she did the day she vanished. Now her brother Peter must unravel the mystery behind what happened to his long-lost sister. Are the stories she tells about faeries true? Read Some Kind of Fairy Tale to find out.

What have you been reading?

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Wild Card Wednesday: 5 Things You Don’t Know About Me

Photo by Klevsand

My friend Jenna recently participated in this Internet meme. On the Other Hand has been so seriously lately that I thought it would be good to inject some silliness into the conversation.

1. On foggy days like today I pretend that The Mist is nonfiction and try to figure out how best to protect my apartment from (spoiler alert!) otherworldly creatures. I can neither confirm nor deny that my strategies for self-preservation in this situation have only grown more elaborate over the years.

2. If I never eat turkey again I wouldn’t be disappointed. I know it’s the traditional main course for Thanksgiving but it’s such a dry and flavourless dish. We should either eat a meat-free dinner that day or substitute a delicious option like ham.

3. Steampunk irritates me and I don’t know why.

4. When I was very young I thought that humans weren’t physiologically capable of seeing the moon during the day. For some reason I was able to see it but for years pretended that I, too, could not see anything moon-shaped in the sky when the sun was shining. I didn’t know what would happen to me if anyone found out that I had this ability but I decided not to take any chances. Drew heard this story a while ago, thought it was charming and hilarious and every so often will test my “superpower.” Of course I deny everything. 😉

5. I have a birthmark on my back and left shoulder. The skin on these areas of my body is a few shades darker than it is on the rest of me. Some of my relatives have olive-coloured skin, others are quite pale. It’s fascinating to see all of those genes expressed on the same person.

Feel free to share your list in the comments or leave a link to your own blog post on this topic.

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Unsolicited Advice

Last night Drew and I took advantage of a good deal at a nearby pizza shop. Neither of us was in the mood to cook and it had been a while since we’d eaten at this particular restaurant.

We entered the closest subway station and while we were walking down the steps to our platform a man riding up the escalator called out, “Hey, is that pizza from xxxxx?” For SEO reasons I won’t mention the name of the restaurant but it is a chain with which most people are familiar.

“Yes,” Drew said.

“It’s not very good,” the man replied. Drew and I exchanged quizzical expressions and continued walking. I’ve had odd conversations on the subway before but this was the first time someone had ever shared a negative comment about our food.

Dinner, by the way, was delicious. The stranger and I must not share the same food preferences. 😉

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How do you handle unsolicited advice?

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Suggestion Saturday: September 29, 2012

Here is this week’s list of blog posts and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Your Greek Philosophy-Guru via Triangulations. Who is your Greek Philosophy-Guru? My results:

Your recommended philosophy-guru is PYRRHO OF ELIS.

Key fact: Pyrrho is traditionally known as the founder of the Sceptical school of philosophy.

Must have: Patience with yourself.

Key promise: Tranquillity born of suspending disbelief.

Key peril: Trying to hold onto little in life can be tough.

Most likely to say: “Don’t worry: be happy.”

Least likely to say: “There is an answer to everything.”

The Nicest Place on the Internet. Hugs for everyone.

An Email From the Year 2105. I suspect that those lucky enough to learn how to read and write in 2105 will communicate through letters. Email won’t exist.

Not Wanting Kids is Entirely Normal. Pressuring others into major life decisions is something I’ll never understand. I love married life but I realize that it isn’t for everyone and would never push anyone into it. One has to be committed to the idea in order for it to work out. The vast majority of the parents I know have the same attitude about raising kids.

We Are the Introverts. Good stuff.

In 1933 Joseph Gaston’s wife hemorrhages to death soon after giving birth to their youngest child. Now he’s struggling with unimaginable grief while raising four young children and attempting to find work during the worst economic crisis of the 20th century. Can he earn enough money to keep his family going? Read Dinner with Lisa to find out!

What have you been reading?

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What is the Purpose of Gossip?

Someone found this blog recently through this question. Let’s talk about it.

Gossip serves a couple of different purposes:

It provides information about the target.  If what everyone is saying is true “gossip” may provide valuable knowledge about the character of the individual being discussed. I pay closer attention when multiple people tell the same story about someone especially if their tales share eerie similarities, the topic is an illegal or unethical act and not everyone involved is part of the same social circle.

Even this isn’t foolproof, though.

For privacy reasons I’m keeping this story as vague as possible in case anyone more closely connected to it ever reads this post. Many years ago an acquaintance of mine accused someone we both knew of raping her. She reported it to the police but the case was never brought to trial.

Unfortunately the court of public opinion quickly became interested in aspects of her personal life that had nothing to do with whether she was telling the truth. One of my biggest regrets from that time  is that I never turned those asinine questions about sexual history and drinking habits back around on everyone who doubted her.

I’ll never know for sure what did or did not happen that night but I’ve always wondered why so many people jumped to the conclusion that she was a liar given everything we know about sexual assault.

It tells you the truth about the gossiper. Does he or she regularly spread rumours? Have you known him or her to be honest in the past? Would he or she keep talking if the target walked in on the conversation? How would he or she react if their stories were confirmed to be false? I’ve ended more than one friendship based on the answers to these questions.

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This is not to say that I condone spreading rumours about other people. Idle talk does far more harm than good.

I do think it’s important to listen to gossip with one ear, though. If nothing else it will give you an indication of who can and cannot be trusted.

What do you think?

 

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