June 4, 2011 · 9:00 am

Suggestion Saturday: June 4, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, photographs and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

The explanation for the figure on this tree is something I haven’t figured out yet. (Photo credit – Usien.)

Oprah and Zoe. How do you respond to people who assume that you share their religious beliefs and are dismissive when they discover the truth?

I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. – Susan B. Anthony in an address to the National American Woman Suffrage Association (1896). If only she and I had been born into the same generation. We would have so much to discuss!

Torches on the Earth. There’s something soul-soothing about watching a day unfold into night.

You Can Talk to Me. I hope this catches on. Sometimes it’s nice when friendly extroverts start up a conversation.

From Let Love:

You too are enough, you too are perfect in your imperfection.

That knowledge is all the momentum you’re ever going to need. If you’re looking for answers, for meaning or purpose, for a way to change or to gather hope, for a bit of peace or a little faith, then look in the mirror. The answer is you. You are what you’ve been looking for. You are where change, hope and faith live and breathe.

That Ringing Sound. Is this the future of story-telling?  It reminds me of stories I grew up hearing from other kids.

A Post-Apocalyptic Society and How it Can Save Us. My brother, Aaron, sent this to me. Read it even if you have no interest in this genre. The yearnings it describes are, if not universal, then at least extremely common.

I haven’t read any new books in the last week or two. What have you been reading?

 

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June 2, 2011 · 9:00 am

Preventing Burnout

Abby at New Urban Habitat recently shared an excellent post on recovering from burnout.

Today I’ll take the conversation a step further: why are you burned out? what can we do to prevent it from happening again?

Have you taken on (or been assigned) too many responsibilities? Are you in a profession that is a poor fit for your interests and strengths? Do you have underlying health or relationship problems that are exacerbating the problem?

From Abby’s post:

For me the key is not avoiding burnout (or any other emotion), but learning from it, developing resiliency – bouncing back. That’s why I’ve been accumulating these strategies for inevitable bouts of burnout:

Resiliency is a fantastic trait but I’d argue that prevention just as important.

When I was ten my brothers and I came down with the chicken pox. It was a miserable, itchy experience that left behind a constellation of scars from the largest sores. Yes, we are probably immune for life now but I would have much preferred to be immunized against this disease as a small child instead.

A few years ago I became burned out. The process of figuring out what I needed to do to become happier was incredibly valuable. I have an arsenal of skills at my disposal if or when this happens again. More importantly, though, I know what I can do to (hopefully) prevent it:

  • Eating a healthier diet.
  • Exercising.
  • Meditating.
  • Enforcing better interpersonal boundaries – no is complete sentence.
  • Avoiding caffeine and refined sugar.
  • Transitioning to a career better suited to my personality and interests.

Then again, burnout to me is something to be taken seriously. It isn’t one bad day…it’s a month, season, year of them.

Respond

What do you do to prevent burnout? Do you agree with Abby when she says “as the years pass, I’m more accepting of life’s seasons, of natural cycles of dormancy and energy, of the inevitability of falling into ruts”?

(Photo credit – Sebastian Ritter.)

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May 30, 2011 · 9:00 am

Pick a Label, Any Label

Time: 1998-ish.

Place: My rural, northwest Ohio high school.

Characters: Yours truly and a persistant classmate I’ll pseudonym Chris.

Chris: So, you’re a Christian, right?

Lydia: Yes.

Chris: What kind are you?

Lydia: Just Christian. My church doesn’t belong to a denomination.

Chris: Oh. Are you Catholic?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Methodist?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Charismatic?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Lutheran?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Baptist?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Presbyterian?

Lydia: No.

Chris: Eastern Orthodox?

Lydia: No.

Five minutes later the conversation was still circling. We were beginning to veer into types of Christianity I’d never even heard of.  Finally I decided to act.

Chris: Anglican?

Lydia: Sure.

Chris: Oh, ok.

I no longer remember the real denomination that I agreed to in order to end the conversation. It may very well have been Anglican. All I can say is that it gave Chris an acceptable answer and for the rest of our high school career Chris never again asked about my beliefs.

If I could step into that moment again I would be honest with Chris. Our church was influenced by the Vineyard movement of the 90s and when I was much younger previous churches had been Charismatic. Either one would have been more accurate than the unfamiliar denomination.

Why lie? I didn’t want to be pigeonholed. The conversation caught me off-guard. I thought that Christian was descriptive enough.

My labels have changed over the years but the discomfort remains. Yes, one-size-fits-all is convenient and can make communication easier and sometimes thinking inside the box make it easier for other people to understand stuff they’ve never had to consider before.

In no way does this make the label-go-round any less odd, though.

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May 28, 2011 · 9:00 am

Suggestion Saturday: May 28, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, poetry, comics, photographs and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

A Simple Way to Kick the Multitasking Habit. One of the most helpful blog posts I’ve read so far in 2011. Multitasking has never been something that works in my experience.

Miscarried. Fair warning for sensitive readers: this poem is a heart-wrenching account of the author’s miscarriage.  It’s an absolutely fantastic piece, though. (Thank you, Daphe, for tweeting about it.)

How Babies Are Born. As an Agnostic I can make no claims about what happens after death. If some part of us does live on, though, I sincerely hope that this will be the fate of at least those of us who choose it.

Life in Miniatures. A continuation of my love for the whimsical life from last week’s Suggestion Saturday. There’s something so irresistible about adults who still see the wonder in our world!

This is Not a Painting. Click on the link for a landscape photograph that looks like a painting. Unbelievable.

What have you been reading?

 

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May 26, 2011 · 9:00 am

Dealing with Negative People

Recently I came across a chart describing what to do when other people dump their negative emotions on you. I adore it.

It isn’t easy to know how to respond to consistent negativity. After a while the warnings and the gooey layer of fear lurking behind them amalgamate into something similar to what would happen if every 6 O’Clock special report on stuff that (might) kill or maim you ever aired was squished together into one program.

(Don’t) Try This at Home

Unbridled optimism doesn’t help.  If anything it cements the idea that something horrible is about to happen in the minds of at least some negative people.

Don’t judge. None of us will ever know what it is like to walk in one another’s shoes.

As tempting as it may be I’ve yet to win an argument about this. If he or she thinks that the sky is falling or that a journey up north to find a kidnapped prince will never work there’s no line of reasoning that can convince them otherwise.

On the Other Hand…

In certain situations a well-timed joke can be effective in lightening the doom and gloom. Sometimes it’s easier to shake off a pessimistic attitude in collaboration with someone else.

On a related note, playful exaggeration can also be a good tool if you know the other person’s sense of humour well enough. For example “You have a hangnail! When did you want to schedule the amputation?” may elicit a smile if said tongue-in-cheek.

One of the most rewarding aspects of reading Buddhist books and websites is what they have to say about disengagement. Other people can share or do anything they’d like to express but this doesn’t mean you have to make their anger or fear your own. I’m far from an expert on putting these boundaries into practice yet every time I do there is a whoosh of relief.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. A lit match needs dry tinder to keep the flame alive.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a break from a specific situation or individual. Some combinations of people and circumstances are more difficult to handle gracefully than are others and I’m slowly learning that I don’t have to be everything to everyone.

Respond

How do you respond to consistently negative people?

 

 

 

 

 

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May 23, 2011 · 9:00 am

Enemies No Longer

I no longer want to be enemies with myself.

This phrase captured my imagination as soon as I noticed it in the search logs for this blog.

Why might someone have such inner turmoil?

  • They have guilt, warranted or otherwise.
  • They’re not comfortable in their own skin.
  • “The face of the enemy frightens me only when I see how much it resembles me.” – variously attributed.

(No doubt there are explanations that I’ve missed!) I wish I could know more about the person who typed that phrase. The smallest error floods some of us with guilt while others who have done much more harmful things barely register a pinprick of remorse on their consciences. Was the creator of this phrase someone who agonized over things that aren’t actually flaws? Maybe he or she saw something in someone else that reminded him or her of personal failings?

What lead to this decision? I’d like to think that he or she chose to try something new before it became more painful to stick to the old ways than it did to embrace something new. Change can be difficult enough when it’s done voluntarily.

What now?

Beyond (emotional?) battlefields of the past has come a new chapter in this individual’s life. Swords have been beaten into ploughshares, old wounds are finally scabbing over. We don’t know yet what is to come but it’s bound to be something incredible.

Incidentally, I ran my own Internet search on this phrase. According to my results there don’t appear to be any websites or articles out there on how to make the switch from being an enemy with yourself to working together. Maybe it isn’t something that the average person can just wake up one morning and decide to do? What do you think?

 

 

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May 21, 2011 · 9:00 am

Suggestion Saturday: May 21, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, videos, poetry and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Words for a Younger Self. What would you say if you could speak to the person you were 10, 30, 50 years ago? My advice would focus on a few bad decisions and missed opportunities. If it wasn’t possible to change those events I’d try to convince younger-me to worry less.

Are Some People Born Evil? Not sure what I think about this yet.

Radar Eleven – Color Me Katie. Someday I want to have dinner with Katie Sokoler. There is something deeply endearing about interacting whimsically with the world around you as an adult.

Homeless Man. Even after six years of big-city life it’s still psychologically troubling to walk past a homeless person who looks miserable. I don’t always feel comfortable giving them money but I cannot pretend not to see them.

Biblical Marriage: the Math is Wrong. One day this may need to be expanded to its own post but what is with the idea that there’s One True Way ™ to structure a relationship?

I haven’t read anything good this week. What have you been reading?

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May 19, 2011 · 9:00 am

Why Do You Lurk?

Today’s question: why do you lurk?

It’s going to be fascinating to see how your reasons match up with my own!

I’ve been thinking about the blogs and forums that I read. In some of them I’m an active participant, in others I’ve only ever silently read what other people post.

There are several reasons for this:

– The subject matter is something I know little about and I’m using the blog/website to change that.

– I’m planning to join in the conversation eventually but want to learn about how people interact there first.

– The site makes it difficult to give feedback by not allowing comments or requiring you to sign up (and maybe even pay for!) an account first.

– I have nothing useful to add to the conversation.

Some of the sites on my lurk-list espouse ideas with which I strongly disagree. I read what they have to say in order to better understand why they believe certain things. This isn’t at all about trying to poke holes in their logic or figuring out what to say to get them to convert to my One True Way ™ ( 😉 ), I’m simply ferociously curious about how minds work.

What makes perfect sense to one person is nonsense to another. For some of us the bright red line between sense and nonsense has shifted or is shifting. Why is this?

I’m also wondering about On the Other Hand’s lurkers. Why do you read without participating in the conversation?

(Photo credit.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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May 16, 2011 · 9:00 am

25 Questions from the Search Logs

Here are some of the most memorable questions that have recently lead new visitors to On the Other Hand through search engines queries. A few have been lightly edited for clarity. Once again I’m happy to add links at the top of this post to blogs who continue this meme!

1. How to keep track of reasons? Intangible ideas feel more real to me when I write them down.

2. Is there a cure for nostalgia? No.

3. Is it unprofessional not to wear makeup? Only if you’re a time traveller from the 1950s and/or also expect male employees to lipstick up.

4. What is a whimper? The official answer: a soft cry. I prefer this bit of Ogden Nash poetry, though: “Hark to the whimper of a sea-gull./ He weeps because he’s not an ea-gull./ Suppose you were, you silly sea-gull./Could you explain it to your she-gull?”

5. In today’s world why do we treat others differently because of what religion they are?It’s easier to make up (or to believe) stories about someone you don’t understand than it is to step into their shoes.

6. Is there too much violence in the media? Rhetorical question? Yes. Rhetorical answer.

7. Is nontheism wrong? No. Non-rhetorical answer.

8. What to say when a girl compliments your strength? Thank you.

9.  Love stories about quiet people? I’m not romantic enough to write love stories.

10. Shouldn’t sex be more acceptable? Assuming it’s consensual – yes.

11. Is celebrating Osama’s death wrong? It is according to my moral code. Your results may vary.

12. What does fresh paint smell like? I’ve always thought it had a sickly-sweet undertone. It makes me feel ill after a little while, though, so I haven’t had a proper whiff of it in years.

13.  Benefits of eating animal products? Bacon.

14. How to have faith when you’re suffering? I didn’t even know how to answer this question when I was a Christian. If I knew who you were I’d offer a warm hug and a sympathetic ear, though!

15. What body wash makes you smell like fresh air? Fresh air doesn’t have an aroma.

16. What parents can do to teach their child about discrimination? Don’t be afraid to talk about your own experiences. Genuinely listen to the stories of others even if what they have to say is hard to hear.

17. How much does Bruxy Cavey earn? I don’t know.

18. Why is nudity more offensive than mutilation? Our society is seriously messed up.

19. How to silence someone with only your mind? At times I’m so focused on meditating, writing or reading that I’m unaware of anything else. Try this with your favourite activity. It won’t stop them from making noise but it will help you not to hear it!

20. How the mind of a talkative person differ[s] from a quiet person? Talkative people share 82% more of the thoughts* tumbling through their minds.

21. List of one word compliments? This sounds like a homework assignment. I hope it went well.

22. Is it true that quiet people are always thinking? This one is.

23. Skills we get from the Internet? It depends on what sites you visit. A few examples:

Twitter: brevity.

Message boards (any): patience.

Youtube: the ability to be easily amused.

24. With my friends I am the most quiet, they are all very talkative. How to be more like them? Massage the conversation in the direction of topics on which you have a strong opinion.

25. Is silence better than talkativeness? It depends on what you were planning to say.

*Not a real statistic. It would be fascinating to know the real number, though!

Please Rephrase Your Inquiry in the Form of a Question

This is a new section for amusing search terms or phrases not written in the form of a question. In no particular order:

Chatter like a magpie. On rare occasions you can actually catch me doing this.

Evil non-theism. I don’t know if my visitor wanted examples of non-theists who did horrible things or if s/he wanted to know what we have to say about other people who do horrible things. Any guesses?

Sights and sounds of my youth. If only memories could be whipped into more tangible things. I’d love to do an Internet search on some of my childhood haunts based on how I remember them.

Draw out the quiet ones and control the more talkative ones. I hate it when well-meaning people try to draw me out or thump down the cheerful conversationalists. Not everyone needs to be squished into the middle of the bell curve.

There are many kids in the park playground. As long as no one is being hurt this is wonderful. Playgrounds were the backdrop to some of my happiest memories growing up.

The quiet person is the one that usually knows the best. Yeesh, no pressure there! 😉

 

 

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May 14, 2011 · 9:00 am

Suggestion Saturday: May 14, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, poems, surveys and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

One Cup at a Time. One of the most relaxing, stress-bursting posts I’ve ever read. It’s like a virtual hug from a loved one.

Go to Church! And Then Tell Me About It. I was hoping to participate this weekend but it doesn’t look like it will work out. (It is on my to-do list for 2011, though!) If you’re able to visit your local UUA church on such short notice please share your experiences through the survey embedded in this link. The questions it poses are exactly what should be at least the occasional focus of every organization – religious or otherwise. First impressions matter!

May 8 (untitled poem). This is why I love poetry.

From Inclusion:

…my thoughts had already turned to someone who had hurt me deeply. And I found myself not only genuinely able to send those affirming and thankful thoughts to that person, but greatly enriched in doing so.

On Cavemen. A good explanation for I get twitchy when people apply what they think they know about “cavemen” to modern-day romantic relationships.

I just started reading Joel Best’s Damned Lies and Statistics: Untangling Numbers from the Media, Politicians and Activists. It’s absolutely incredible to read about all of the ways in which statistics can be interpreted to support what we already believe to be true.

What have you been reading?

 

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