Category Archives: Personal Life

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Click here to read everyone else’s replies to this week’s question and here to see the full list of topics for the year.

I’ll give you an illustration of one of my biggest pet peeves and then explain why it annoys me so much because it involves a few different behaviours that often come bundled together like the world’s worst “Buy One, Get One Free” sale.

(Yes, I am currently recovering from a cold in real life as well, but I am almost entirely better now. Also, how cute is that suspicious little ostrich?)

Worried Person (WP): “How are you doing?”

Me: “Good, how about you? How’s work?”

WP, slightly more worried: “But what about your cough?”

Me, still calm but bracing for the storm: “Oh, I still have it, but it’s improving. It was just a minor cold, after all. Let’s talk about something else instead. What’s new in your life?”

WP, visibly distressed: “This isn’t good. You need to take this fistful of vitamins, get a lot of rest, and see your doctor first thing tomorrow for antibiotics. I’m really worried about you.”

Me, annoyed: “I’m keeping an eye on it, thanks. Please stop or I’ll have to end this conversation. How is your dog doing?”

WP, panicking: “No! You could die if you don’t get this treated as soon as possible and I would never be able to forgive myself. This could be whooping cough, lung cancer, or tuberculosis. Maybe you have all of them! I can’t sleep until the ER doctor says you’re not dying.”

Me, exiting the coversation deeply irritated.

Why are these types of conversations my pet peeve?

1. Unsolicited advice 

This is particularly true if it’s common sense or something that shows up on the first page of your search engine of choice. It feels condescending and smothering to me, especially when it’s a pattern of behaviour or the person doing it has a history of ignoring basic boundaries.  If I want advice, I will ask for it. Answering a direct question means I’m trying to include someone in my life, not that I need them to tell me what to do.

2. Terrible advice

Yes, a cough can be a sign of a life-threatening illness on occasion, but it can also be a perfectly normal part of seasonal allergies or of recovering from any number of mild illnesses among other possibilities.

I’d much rather talk to a professional about a problem I have than to someone who assumes the worst of everything, has zero factual knowledge on the topic, and panics over everything.

3. Making everything about themselves

I believe in the Ring Theory where you provide comfort to a person currently experiencing a crisis or problem of some sort. Instead of expecting the patient or grieving person to comfort you, you seek emotional support from others who are even further removed from whatever is going on.

So if someone hears me cough and habitually tries to get me to soothe their emotions about my medical (or other) issues, they will no longer be receiving updates about anything in my life more personal than the weather report from that day forward until or unless I see concrete evidence that they’ve changed this behaviour.

4. Assuming the worst

Having a cough does not mean you automatically need to see a doctor, much less be hospitalized or eulogized. Most coughs can be treated easily and safely at home, especially if they’re improving over time and you don’t have any other worrisome symptoms or underlying health conditions that complicate the issue.

While I have sympathy for them, people who automatically leap to the worst possible outcome for every scenario exhaust me. If something bad happens, I deal with it. I do not have the emotional energy to run around in a frenzy assuming that terrible things are in my future, though, and it is wildly unhelpful to jump to Z and start all but planning my funeral when I’m still working on possibilities A, B, and C which are much more likely to be the truth and fix my problem.

5. Ignoring multiple conversational cues to change the topic. 

You’ll notice that I gave this hypothetical person multiple chances to talk about literally anything else before I became too annoyed with them to continue. I don’t expect perfection from anyone, including myself, but people who purposefully bulldoze their way through social interactions are rapidly given far less time and energy from me.

Now you know about the sort of stuff that makes me grumpy. I look forward to seeing how everyone else answers this question!