Suggestion Saturday: December 3, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, photographs, videos and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

What colourful butterflies!

Photo by Böhringer Friedrich

Opinion Warning Signs. Sometimes opinions are more a sign of group loyalty than they are an individual’s genuine interpretation of the truth. This list includes warning signs to look out for when this sort of thing may be happening. Many behaviours on the list are also compelling reasons why I get to know new friends really well before opening up to them about certain topics.

We Agree to be Offended by Certain Words. Not sure what I think about this yet. It’s definitely a good thing to have thick skin and give ignorant people the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand, why do we so often expect the person being harassed to be a perpetual object lesson/good representative of his or her group? Isn’t there something to be said for holding everyone to high standards?

From Killing Donald Evans:

The day before I killed Donald Evans I did not even know he existed.

From How I Read:

Give other genres a chance. Do you mostly read literary fiction? Read a sci-fi. Do you mostly read fantasy? Read something by Jane Austen. Do you mostly read Christian fiction? Read a book on Buddhist spirituality.

What a creative way to tell a love story:

 

Here’s another Dr. Seuss book you may not have read before –  You’re Only Old Once! It’s a lighthearted look at something many of us will be/are lucky enough to live to see: old age.

What have you been reading?

 

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Forgotten Heroes: Nellie Bly

Forgotten Heroes is a series of posts about extraordinary men and women who are (probably) not remembered by the average person.  Previous heroes include   Ghandl and SkaayLaura Secord and Elijah McCoy

If you know of a forgotten hero who should be included in this series let me know about him or her in the comment section or via my contact form

Time: 1887

Place: New York City.

One night a 23-year-old woman named Nellie Bly checked into a working class boarding house but refused to go to bed, telling fellow boarders that she was afraid they thought she was crazy.

Her behaviour was so unusual that they quickly came to the conclusion Nellie was mentally ill. The police were summoned the next morning. When Nellie stood before the judge she said she didn’t remember anything that had happened that night.

The judge thought she’d been drugged. Several doctors examined Nellie and decided that she was insane. Nellie was sent to the Woman’s Lunatic Asylum on Blackwell’s Island in the hope that she could be cured.

Her undercover assignment for the New York World had finally begun.

Nellie’s days consisted of sitting on hard benches in frigid temperatures while rats crawled around piles of human (and other) waste decomposing on the floor. Patients drank dirty water and ate spoiled meat, gruel and “bread” that was basically dried out dough. The most dangerous patients were tied to one another with ropes.

No one wasn’t allowed to speak or move. Anyone who broke these rules ran the risk of being verbally or physically abused by the nurses. Nellie broke them anyway. She wasn’t a medical professional but many of the women she spoke to seemed no more mentally ill than the average person outside of the asylum.

The conditions of the asylum weren’t created only out of malice – 125 years ago our understanding of mental illness was embryonic. We didn’t realize that depression and other diseases are involuntary, that someone with one of these illnesses cannot just snap out of it.

Nellie was released from the asylum after ten days at the request of her employers. Ten Days in a Mad-House, her report on these experiences, brought so much attention to the conditions these women lived in that a grand jury launched it’s own investigation into the asylum.

As a result of this report the funding for the asylum was increased by $850,000 and the criteria for the examinations that lead women to being committed to that asylum were revamped. This lead to fewer people without mental illness being committed.

None of these changes happened overnight and there was (and is) still a lot of work to do in the destigmatization and effective treatment of chronic mental illness.

But we’ve come a long way thanks to Nellie Bly.

 

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Wild Card Wednesday: When the Year Grows Old

The trees are bare now, each day is colder and shorter than the last and three long months of ice and snow are just around the corner.

Edna St. Vincent Millay’s “When the Year Grows Old” captures the tinge of melancholy I often feel at this time of year. 


        I cannot but remember
When the year grows old–
October–November–
How she disliked the cold!

She used to watch the swallows
Go down across the sky,
And turn from the window
With a little sharp sigh.

And often when the brown leaves
Were brittle on the ground,
And the wind in the chimney
Made a melancholy sound,

She had a look about her
That I wish I could forget–
The look of a scared thing
Sitting in a net!

Oh, beautiful at nightfall
The soft spitting snow!
And beautiful the bare boughs
Rubbing to and fro!

But the roaring of the fire,
And the warmth of fur,
And the boiling of the kettle
Were beautiful to her!

I cannot but remember
When the year grows old–
October–November–
How she disliked the cold!

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Should You Buy That Gift?

Christmas is less than a month away for those of who celebrate it.

I have mixed thoughts about this chart –

Never going into debt or buying stuff that you know the recipient doesn’t need or want is fantastic advice.

Yet there are a few silly assumptions here: 1) you still must buy gifts, 2) gifts only count  if you buy them at a store, and 3) everyone celebrates some sort of holiday this time of year by exchanging presents.

Maybe next year I’ll make a holiday survival flowchart for the rest of us? 😀

Provided by Mint.com

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Suggestion Saturday: November 26, 2011

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, illustrations, photographs, comics, articles and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

Virginia Francie Sterrett’s Fairy Tale Illustrations are magical. If only she could have lived to know her own happy ending.

Young, Gay and Homeless. I was blinking back tears halfway through the article. Had I been born into a different family this so easily could have been my life.

National Flags Made Out of Food. Delicious and educational!

The 75 Best LIFE Photos. Not every photograph in this collection seemed worthy of inclusion in this sort of list. The vast majority of them, though, were absolutely incredible.

The Enigma of Amigara Fault. A spine-tingling tale of what happens when human-shaped holes are discovered near a fault line.

 

So it turns out that I didn’t actually read all of Dr. Seuss’ books as a kid. Recently I stumbled across a few of his less known works. Everyone – young, old and somewhere in-between – should read I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew. The narrator of this book wants to escape his troubles by finding Solla Sollew. The question is, will he make it?

What have you been reading?

 

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Mailbag #3

Anonymous asks:

How do you respond to a friend who is asking for prayers? 

Hi, Anonymous. Thank you for writing to me.

Say, “you’ll be in my thoughts” if it’s at all socially possible for you to skirt around the issue for the time being.

Most of time people don’t request prayers for happy, stress-free life events. As much as it sounds like you’d love to tell this friend the truth now is not the best time to do it.

It’s better to wait until the dust from whatever is going on in your friend’s life has settled down before you have the “I’m not [or no longer] a member of your religious group” talk.

If I’ve misread your message and you never intend to tell this person about your actual beliefs this gets trickier. It can be really difficult to compartmentalize one’s life like that. All it takes is one person who knows the truth to accidentally say something and your secret is no longer so secret.

No, I’m not saying that you have to tell them or that the only possible way to live a moral life is if you tell everyone everything about you. Sometimes it just isn’t safe to disclose certain things to certain people.  As a queer, child-free, non-theist I grok that 100%. 😉

There’s still the question of how one should respond to prayer requests without bringing (too much? any?) attention to what you actually believe.

If telling them that they’ll be in your thoughts is too vague, what about subtly shifting the conversation to something like this?

Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about that. Can I bring you some groceries/babysit your kids/shovel your driveway?

Do you have a question for me? Submit it through the contact form or in the comment section of this post. 

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How to (Start to) Forgive Yourself for Small Mistakes

Photo by Richard Smith

Forgiveness has been on my mind this fall. It’s so much easier for me to forgive someone else for making a dumb mistake than it is to forgive myself.

Why?

There’s no possible way for me to control the decisions other people make. I can ask them to do (or not to do) something but ultimately it’s up to them whether or not they want to listen to me.

I can control what I do, though. In the past I’ve been pretty hard on myself over what ultimately turned out to be small bumps in the road. These things never should have stressed me out as much as they did. I don’t want to sound like I have this all figured out – there are still days when I expect much more from myself than I would anyone else. But I am learning to relax a little.

Here are a few questions that help you figure out if it really matters:

1) How would you react if a friend or family member did this? Usually my response would be a warm hug and something like, “it’s really going to be ok. Everyone makes mistakes.”

2) Will it matter in six months? And will you even remember it then? Most of the time there’s a world of no in both of these questions.

3) Is there anything you could (realistically) do to avoid similar events in the future? The answer to this one varies. Sometimes certain mistakes can be reduced or eliminated in the future by double-checking your work. At other times, though, short of developing superhuman abilities there’s nothing a reasonable person could have done to avoid whatever it was that happened.

 

Respond

Do you have trouble forgiving yourself? Is there anything you’ve learned that helps one feel less guilty for small mistakes?

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Suggestion Saturday: November 19, 2011

Photo by garyjwood.

Here is this week’s list of blog posts, videos, comics, photographs and other tidbits from my favourite corners of the web.

From Back in Dallas:

Detroit always had a bit of a depressed feel, and it’s cloudy and grey so damn often it’s easy to see why, plus the 5 months of winter cold. …I wonder what others have to say about this, about where they live in comparison to other places. Have you felt this effect?

Tragedy #292. This would make a great short story. It’s also how I imagine life would be if supernatural abilities actually existed: awesome at first but perpetually boring thereafter.

Coon-Suit Riot. One of the funniest satires I’ve read in a long time. (Or at least I hope it’s satire….)

Interview with My Bully. As my parents used to say, “hurt people hurt people.”

Don’t punish everyone for one person’s mistake from Derek Sivers on Vimeo.

Suits Me: The Double Life of Billy Tipton tells the true story of a musician who was born female and began living as a man at age 19. Sexism influenced his decision – it was nearly impossible for female Jazz musicians to be taken seriously in communities he lived in during the 1930s and 1940s. But he (probably) also felt more comfortable as a man than as a woman.

Or at least that’s a theory. Unfortunately Billy Tipton never talked to his wife or children about this. I wonder what he would have said to them?

What have you been reading?

 

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Forgotten Heroes: Elijah McCoy

Forgotten Heroes is a series of posts about extraordinary men and women who are (probably) not remembered by the average person.  Previous heroes include Fred and Cela Sloman,  Ghandl and Skaay and Laura Secord

If you know of a forgotten hero who should be included in this series let me know about him or her in the comment section or via my contact form

Time: July 12, 1872

Places: Colchester, Ontario; Ypsilanti, Michigan.

The son of escaped slaves who fled from Kentucky to Canada, Elijah McCoy knew all about setbacks.

As a teenager he temporarily moved to Scotland in order to become certified as a mechanical engineer but back in North America could only find work as a fireman and oiler once his apprenticeship ended.

Despite his education business owners could not see past the colour of his skin.

Because he couldn’t convince the outside world to give him opportunities he created his own. Working as an oiler gave Elijah time to think as he walked up and down the length of the train oiling the axles, bearings and other moving parts. It was a fairly inefficient and time-consuming way to keep a train lubricated. Not only did someone have to do it manually but the train needed to be stopped periodically in order for Elijah to do his job!

Over the course of the next two years he figured out a new method for lubricating steam engines in ships and locomotives that could be done automatically – he called it an oil cup and on July 12, 1872 he received a patent for this idea.

Others patents include ideas for improved lawn sprinklers and ironing boards (not to mention about 50 patents for lubricating devices). If you’ve ever used a car, locomotive train, ship or rocket there’s a good chance that a descendent of one of Elijah’s inventions is quietly working away inside of it.

Elijah’s personal life was as challenging as his professional one. His first wife, Elizabeth Stewart, died four years into their marriage. About a year after her death he married Mary Eleanor Delaney.

In 1922 Elijah and Mary were involved in a car accident. She died and he sustained permanent injuries. Elijah died in 1929.

Before learning about Elijah’s inventions I’d always assumed patents were generally filed for inventions of entirely new stuff. It was a bit of a surprise to learn that patents can be filed for a small part of a machine or even for an improved version of an old part.

What interests me the most about Elijah’s story is his persistance. Many people were (and are) thwarted by far less in life. And working at a job for which he was grossly overqualified year after year must have been incredibly frustrating.

If only he was still alive. I’d love to hear his stories.

 

 

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The Gratitude Challenge: Part Two

Ok, time’s up. I hope you were able to find plenty of opportunities to express gratitude to all of the kind people in your life.

Now let’s take this a step further.

Think of someone in your life – a friend, family member, coworker, neighbour, or acquaintance – who really irritates you. This works better if it’s someone you see fairly regularly. (If you genuinely cannot think of anyone the rest of us will be happy to loan you one of ours. 😉 )

Once you have someone in mind, keep an eye on them. They will almost certainly once again do something that really pisses you off.

This is a good thing. Keep watching.

What are you looking for?

Something praise-worthy. Everyone has one of these moments sooner or later.

When you find it, thank them using as specific terms as possible. Don’t just say, “thanks.” Say something more like, “I really appreciated it when you ____. It means a lot to me when others do that. Thank you.”

Keep watching them. When it happens again, thank them again.

What I don’t expect you to do:

  • Like them.
  • Spend more time with them.
  • Feel like a bad person for finding X and Y so annoying.

All you need to do is genuinely thank them when they do something you appreciate. (It would be interesting to hear what their reactions are for those willing to share that sort of thing in public, though.)

I’m off to take my own advice. This is a much easier thing to preach than to practice, after all!

 

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