Category Archives: Mindfulness and Meditation

December 2, 2019 · 1:00 am

Mindfulness and Difficult People

Five yellow, smiley faces are hanging down from little chains. A fifth red face with an angry expression is swinging down to hit them.
This is a topic I thought would make a great introduction to the beginning of December and the holiday season that looms before us, but the information in it is timeless.

I’m using the phrase difficult people as a shorthand term for anyone you find challenging to socialize with because of their behaviour.

Labels are useful but can’t possibly explain every nuance in a relationship. Your relationship with a friend will probably have features that aren’t present with a coworker, romantic partner, in-law, neighbour, or acquaintance. It was my intention to cast a wide, friendly net for this post and try to offer advice that can be used for as many different scenarios as possible.

With those caveats out of the way, let’s talk about how mindfulness can help before, during, and after the moments when you’re spending time with someone who you are not sure how to relate to.

Beforehand

A tree surrounded by perfectly still water at sunset. I’ll admit to being the sort of person who sometimes plays conversations out in my head before they happen.

The problem with this is that no one can predict the future.

That conversation might not ever actually happen. If it does happen, there’s no way to know in advance when it will pop up or if it will end the way you expect.

Spending as much time in the present moment as possible is a great way to avoid borrowing trouble.

One of the biggest benefits of mindfulness I’ve discovered for days like these is that it helps me to prepare for them without making assumptions about how they will go.

All you know for sure is that a certain event is on the horizon and that specific people are probably going to be there. Start with that.

During

Slow Down

There is something beautiful about intentionally moving slowly through these sorts of interactions.

Not every question or remark deserves an answer. If it does need to be answered, that could happen five minutes, or a week, or a month from now after you’ve had time to think it over.

Observe

I like looking at designs on silverware or counting lightbulbs in a room. There is always something to pay attention to that you might have otherwise ignored.

Reading body language is also a fascinating thing to do. You can learn so much about someone by quietly watching their posture, facial expressions, and gestures.

Breathe Deeply 

The beautiful thing about breathing deeply is how it encourages your mind to remain in the moment and what a calming influence it can be.

Focus on every breath as it enters and exits your body. Sometimes I’ll even count them silently in my mind.

Choose Your Words Carefully

It can be so relaxing to sit there and make small talk about the weather or some other innocuous subject when a tricky topic comes up.

There’s also the option of saying nothing at all. Silence is truly golden sometimes. As I mentioned earlier, not everything requires a response now or ever.

A well-placed dose of silence can give you a moment to think of how you want your words to come out before you say them.

This is a technique I’ve found especially helpful for people who have the urge to swoop in and fix the lives of those around them regardless of whether or not you actually wanted those things to be fixed. If they don’t know you adopted a new dog from the local animal shelter, chances are very good they’ll never tell you all of the things you’re doing wrong with that pet or why the breed you chose is the worst one ever.

Afterwards

Be honest with yourself. 

How did it go? What parts of this gathering did you enjoy? Which ones were not so helpful?

Release

I know it’s tempting, but mentally going over what anyone said or did at tricky events like these probably won’t be helpful.

As Elsa sang, let it go. Find something to take your mind off of what just happened. Taking a long, brisk walk through the park is a nice distraction for me when the weather is nice. Sometimes I even use that  trick on stormy days! It’s hard to ruminate when you’re also trying to avoid slipping on a patch of ice or stepping into a large puddle.

Think Longterm. 

The strategies I mentioned today have been helpful for me in the short term, but it’s also important to think about what you want your life to look like months, years, or decades from now in my opinion.

I believe in meeting people where they’re at and being understanding, compassionate, and supportive when they’re going through a difficult time.

Smartie Painted to look like a smilie faceBut I also believe in natural consequences and in putting emotional energy into relationships that are healthy and reciprocal. The only person I can control is myself, so there have been times in my life when I’ve reduced or  eliminated the time I spent with someone based on their behaviours and current level of introspection.

There’s a huge difference between using mindfulness to get through a difficult conversation that must happen and repeatedly agreeing to spend time with someone who chooses to be unkind… or worse.

It’s not my place to tell anyone how to arrange their lives, but I think there’s something to be said for finding both short-term and long-term strategies for dealing with these things.

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November 4, 2019 · 1:00 am

10 ASMR Videos I’d Recommend to Beginners

As I said in my first post on this topic:

Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) is a calm tingling sensation that some people feel at the back of their their scalp and down on other parts of their body after being exposed to certain types of auditory stimuli.

ASMR is used for relaxation purposes…it’s similar to many forms of meditation in that you remain with your eyes closed still during it.

Silhouette of a person with long hair standing in a meadow after sunset. The sky is barely still pink, and you can see birds and in the moon in the lighter parts of the sky. I haven’t blogged much about ASMR since I first mentioned it here, but it continues to be a part of my mindfulness and meditation toolbox.

Autonomous sensory meridian response videos cover a much wider range of sensory experiences than can be fit into a single post.

Today I’ll be sharing a list of the ten most common things that can trigger this response and recommending one video for each type of stimuli to check out.

As I mentioned earlier, not every type of ASMR works for everyone. Some people never feel this sensation at all. Feel free to explore multiple ASMR videos before deciding which style, if any, is best for you.

I purposefully chose videos that included little to no talking so that my readers could concentrate on the sounds themselves. There are plenty of other examples out there of videos that do include talking if that’s something you end up enjoying.

Whispering

Close Whispering Just Talking

Whispering is one of the classic ASMR triggers. From what I’ve observed, it seems to be one of the most popular types of these videos online.

Head Massage and Hair Brushing

Ultra Relaxing Scalp Massage for Stress & Sleep, Hair Sounds & Brushing

The head massage and hair brushing ASMR videos are some of my favourite ones! They’re so relaxing.

Tapping

ASMR Tapping 

This video explores fast, slow, hard, and soft taps.

Scratching


Gentle Scratching You Will Fall Asleep to (No Talking)

It always amazes me to see what new sounds the ASMR community comes up with to add to the repertoires. This is something I’ve only started seeing around fairly recently.

Eating

Blowing

Ear Cupping and Blowing

There is also some whispering in this video. Many of the ASMR creators will blend various sounds together to appeal to more than one audience.

Role Play

Haircut Role Play.

The most common role play videos seem to involve hair cuts, massages, dental visits, or medical appointments.

Methodical Work

Whispering and Coin Sorting

What do I mean by methodical work? Think sorting papers, tapping paper clips, or playing around with small and slightly noisy items like coins.

Crinkling

Plastic Crinkle Sounds/ Sleep & Tingles/ No Talking 

This is often combined with the whispering and/or methodical work types.

Buzzing/Vibrations

Layered ASMR Vibrations – Intense and Soothing (No Talking)

I’d never heard of this type before doing research for this post! It’s either brand new or I somehow missed it years ago.

Respond

Are you into ASMR? If so, what is your favourite type of it?

 

 

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August 5, 2019 · 1:00 am

Put Down Your Phone and Pay Attention

Today I’d like to talk to you about mindfulness, brainstorming, and what house wrens are really capable of. (If descriptions of the non-Disney side of the natural world are disturbing to you, consider this a content warning).

No, I’m not anti-technology, and this isn’t a rant. Smart phones have brought many positive changes to modern society, from making it easier to navigate an unfamiliar city to finding out what time a specific venue closes before you traipse halfway across town for it.

I simply believe in balance. Right now, I think I’m relying a little too heavily on my phone for entertainment at times when I could be paying attention to other things instead. Sitting quietly on a bench and seeing what happens can be a nice palate cleanser at times.

Now that the caveats are out of the way, let’s talk about what happened at the park this past weekend. It was a little too warm to do anything strenuous outdoors then, so my spouse and I sat on a bench in the shade and relaxed.

Mindfulness

One of the things I’ve been trying to work on lately is spending less time on my cell phone. It’s so easy to browse Reddit or read my newest email when I’m out and about but nothing particularly interesting is happening at that exact second. Since we don’t go to that particular park very often, I tried to drink in every detail around us.

The forest behind us was filled with the sound of cicadas buzzing. There was a picnic table off in the distance filled with people eating lunch together.  A woman and her dog jogged past us at one point, and I marvelled at how well the dog was keeping up with her.

The writing portion of my brain always wants to make up stories about the people, animals, and places around me. I let those thoughts bubble up but didn’t encourage them. They’ve caught my attention before, and they will catch it again.

It was at this point that I noticed the house wren. These birds are incredibly common here in southern Ontario. I often see them hopping around on the sidewalk and nibbling on seeds or other bits of food they can find there. They’re fluffy little creatures that I’ve always felt oddly protective over.

House Wrens and What They’re Capable of

The wren was picking something up with its beak. At first I assumed it was a seed, and then the house wren’s lunch wiggled.

It wasn’t a seed.

It wasn’t a stray crumb from someone’s hot dog.

It was a bug.

Not only was it a bug, it was a bug that continued to wiggle up until the point that the house wren tore it in half and began eating it.

I will admit to not responding particularly mindfully to this scene at first. Up until this point, I’d always assumed that this species of bird was vegetarian.

It is not.

If I were the size of that bug, I might have been next on the menu!

Brainstorming and Mindfulness

Mindfulness and brainstorming can coexist. I tucked that mental image into the back of my mind and continued to sit quietly on that shaded bench.

For the time being, I lived in the moment once I adjusted to what that bird was having for lunch. It isn’t every day that the weather in August is cool enough to sit outdoors for as long as we did that day!

Now that I’m back home again, I can’t stop thinking about how the same creature can be a vicious predator in one scenario and fluffy and harmless in another.

This is common knowledge, of course, but it’s not something I as a city person see being played out very often.

It makes me wonder how our human ancestors over- or underestimated other species in the distant past when we moved to parts of the world no human had visited before.

To give this line of thought a futuristic bent, it also makes me wonder how humans from generations who have yet to be born might misjudge an alien species if we were to ever meet one. Maybe astronauts should be taught mindfulness. Or, if you’re writing something that would work better if humans acted impulsively, maybe NASA should specifically select for people who react as soon as they see something out of the ordinary.

Mostly, though, I’m thinking about house wrens and how ideas truly can pop up anywhere if you put down your phone sometimes and pay attention.

Respond

How has practicing mindfulness influenced your writing? Am I the only person who didn’t realize house wrens were omnivorous? When was the last time you came up with an unexpected idea?

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July 15, 2019 · 1:00 am

Why You Should Meditate on a Flight (and How to Do It)

I recently arrived home from an Alaskan cruise I went on with my spouse and extended family. It was a wonderful trip that I’ll talk more about in various posts over the next couple of weeks, but I have missed connecting with everyone in the blogosphere.

So here’s an interesting thing about me. I enjoy travelling, but I am not a fan of flying. Between the hassle of going through security, airplane seats that seem to grow smaller and closer together every year, and how quickly I start to feel queasy if there’s any turbulence on the journey, I do not enjoy the process of getting to my destination or back home again.

Normally I distract myself from these unpleasant things with delicious, salty snacks like pretzels and tomato juice, playing games on my smartphone, or reading ebooks. This year I decided to add another tool to my defence against flights that feel like they’re going to last until the end of time itself: meditation.

Thoughts are powerful things. No one can fast forward through time, but you can learn to be less nervous about flying through the air in tight quarters if you learn to sit with your thoughts instead of letting them control the narrative.

How to Meditate in a Human Sardine Can

Photo credit: Truthseeker

I’ve decided that all commercial flights should be renamed human sardine cans in order to better demonstrate what it really feels like to be on one.

Having a good sense of humour about the sometimes uncomfortable realities of flying in Economy Class also helps!

Consider Downloading an App Beforehand

No, this is not strictly necessary. I often mediate without the help of an app, but I did find it nice to listen to a guided meditation routine on my last two flights due to all of the background noise happening on them.

There are several great meditation apps out there that offer free material, too.

Focus on Your Breathing

The easiest method I’ve found for meditating is to simply focus on your breathing. Breathe in and out slowly. Pay attention to the way your chest rises and falls with each breath. When a thought pops up, acknowledge it before returning to the slow and steady rhythm of one of the most basic body functions there is.

This is something I find particularly helpful when there is turbulence.

Do a Body Scan 

If you have an app that offers this, feel free to hit play on that session. If not, simply focus on your breathing for a few minutes before gently turning your attention to the top of your head. Take note of any sensations you may feel there without labeling them as good or bad. Slowly move down the rest of your body, paying attention to each part of it by turn.

If it’s a part of your body that you can consciously move, try to relax it as much as possible before gently moving down to the next part. I find that I can carry a lot of tension in my jaw and shoulders especially when I’m nervous. Sometimes this leads to tension headaches if there was a flight delay or if I’ve been in the same seat for several hours.

Move from the top of your head all the way down to your toes. This could be done in a few minutes, but it could also take half an hour or longer depending on how quickly your attention shifts.

Body scans can be a nice alternative to taking over-the-counter medication for these sorts of headaches for me. As always, consult with your family doctor if you have any questions about what is or isn’t appropriate for you. I’m only speaking from personal experience here.

Visualize Happier Places

I like to end my meditation sessions with a visualization exercise. if you were meditating with your eyes open earlier, feel free to close them now if it makes this easier.

Pick a setting that makes you feel happy and relaxed.

For me, going to the beach fits this bill. This is even more true on days when it’s a little too chilly to get into the water. Swimming is nice, but it’s not strictly necessary when I hit the beach.

I focus on every sense and try to make the visualization as detailed as possible. Sometimes I can almost taste the salt in the air, feel the sand between my toes, and hear the seagulls cawing above me by the time I’m a few minutes into it.

As someone who is not a fan of needles, this is also an exercise I do when I need to have a vaccination or to have blood drawn. It’s a nice distraction from a short period of unpleasantness. This can last for as many or as few minutes as you want it to depending on how detailed you decide to make your scene.

If flying also makes you nervous or uncomfortable, I’d love to hear what other techniques you use to get through it!

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January 31, 2019 · 1:00 am

4 Reasons Why You Should Try Walking Meditation

As anyone who has followed this blog for a while probably already knows, I’m always on the lookout for new meditation techniques. Recently, I discovered something called Walking Meditation that was so interesting I felt compelled to tell my readers about it.

 What Is Walking Meditation?

There are several different types of walking meditation out there: Theraveda, Zen (also known as Kinhin), Thich Nhat Hahn, Yoga, Daoist, and Mindfulness Walking Meditation. I’m going to focus on the last one  in today’s post because I found it the most helpful, but do feel free to click the link above if you want to explore other options.

Mindfulness Walking Meditation is quite similar to the types of meditation you’d do while sitting or lying down. You begin by doing something simple: taking a walk. Where that happens is entirely up to do. I didn’t always have a name for it, but it turns out I’ve been practicing Mindfulness Walking Meditation in many of the places I talk walks at: the mall, local parks, sidewalks, and even in front of washers and dryers on laundry day.

When you are walking, focus on nothing other than the sensations your body is feeling as you walk. Remain engaged with all of the things you can see, hear, feel, and touch as you walk. Do your best to call your attention back to the present moment every time your mind begins to wander.

Now that we’ve clarified what we’re talking about and how it’s done, let’s move onto the four reasons why I think you should give Mindfulness Walking Meditation a try as well.

Reason #1: You Can Do It Anywhere

You can walk and remain in the present moment in a noisy place or a quiet one. It can happen in a busy waiting room, a park, a corridor, or any other place where you can find a small area to pace or walk around in. You might be surrounded by thousands of other people or no one else at all.

Unlike some of the other forms of meditation, you don’t need to close your eyes or find a place to sit to do this one. I find that incredibly appealing.

Reason #2: It Gives Restless Meditators Something to Focus On

While I’ve grown more used to sedentary forms of meditation over the years, there is still a part of me that finds it challenging to stay seated for this practice.

The beautiful thing about walking meditation in general, including Mindfulness Walking Meditation specifically, is that it provides you with something to focus on that won’t distract from your goal. It’s so much easier for me to remain in the present moment if my legs are moving!

Reason #3: In Months That Don’t End in “uary,” It’s a Great Excuse to Spend Time in Nature

Yes, I’m being a little tongue-in-cheek here. Of course you could go on a long, meditative walk in January or February if you wanted to. Just because I stay indoors as much as possible during the coldest part of the winter doesn’t mean everyone must do that

There is something meditative about spending time out in nature even if you’re in a month that ends in -uary. One of the things that surprised me the most about Toronto when I first moved here was how many trees this city had, so I spend more time in nature than I thought I would when I became a city person.

There are small parkettes sprinkled throughout the general Toronto area, and we have quite a few large, well-maintained forests to explore as well. Walking through them is one of my favourite things to do in the entire world.

Reason #4: It Helps You Stay Connected to Your Body

Have you ever tried walking any distance when you have a pebble in your shoe? What is mildly annoying at first can quickly become  something that needs to be fixed as soon as possible.

One of the unexpected benefits of Mindfulness Walking Meditation that I’ve noticed has been how it encourages me to pay attention to what is going on with my body. For example, I recently figured out that I have a higher chance of developing a headache on days that I don’t practice good posture. This wasn’t something I was aware of before, but I’m now trying to correct it thanks to this practice. How cool is that?

If you’ve tried any form of walking meditation or are planning to in the near future, I’d love to hear what your thoughts are on this topic.

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January 10, 2019 · 1:00 am

Intuition, Mindfulness, and the Alarm Bell In My Brain

This is the story of something that happened to me last year. It won’t take long to tell, but it’s important.

I met someone at a social event who was friendly, funny, and charming at first glance. They seemed like exactly the sort of person anyone would want to spend time with.

They’re hiding something, my intuition said quietly a few minutes after we’d met.

This was the first time I’d laid eyes on them, and I knew nothing about them other than the basic details they’d shared about their life and interests. They thought carefully before they spoke, and every word that came out of their mouth sparkled.

They’re sugarcoating the truth, my intuition said in a slightly louder tone.

I had no proof to back up these feelings. I’d literally just met this person. They were full of smiles and kind words for everyone around them. There was nothing about their words or actions that should have alarmed me. It was a perfectly ordinary get-together in every way you could imagine.

They’re lying about something. This wasn’t a question. It was a declarative statement I had no proof for but still kept circling back around to.

I felt uneasy around them for reasons that are hard to put into words. There was something about them that was slightly off-kilter no matter which way I looked at it, and that made me nervous. When I was younger, I might have brushed off this warning and decided to find out more about this person for myself.  These days, I listen and take heed.

The beautiful thing about mindfulness is how it can focus your attention on what really matters in situations such as these. Something wasn’t lining up in the things they said about their life.  I didn’t and still don’t know exactly what they were being evasive about, but my mind was still enough to listen to those thoughts when they popped up and take action quickly when they refused to go away.

No, I do not think I’m clairvoyant or have any other abilities that defy scientific explanation.  If anything, I believe that my mind picked up on subtle but important discrepancies between their verbal and non-verbal cues that might have shown they weren’t being totally honest about the things they shared about their life.

But I do think that my mindfulness habits helped me to realize there was something off about this person sooner than I might have in a different timeline. The beautiful thing about learning how to quiet your mind is that it makes the rare feelings that refuse to be ignored much more noticeable than they might have otherwise been.

 

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November 29, 2018 · 1:00 am

7 Free Online Meditation Resources

I’ve been slowly accumulating a list of the most helpful resources for my daily meditations. When I first began meditating, I was overwhelmed by all of the options I had online and had no idea where to begin.

It is my hope that this list will make it a little easier for readers who are new to meditation to stick with the practice over the longterm.

All of the links I’m about to share in today’s post have free content that I’ve found useful. Some of them do also offer certain courses or other types of material for a fee, but you are by no means required to buy them. I made sure that I selected sites that have plenty to offer for visitors who aren’t ready for that kind of commitment yet (or ever).

I should also note that I am not affiliated with these sites, and I am not being compensated for mentioning them in any way. I simply find their content useful.

Breathworks

Breathworks is a website that teaches people who are experiencing pain how to reduce suffering through Mindfulness-Based Pain Management. I have no experience with the chronic and/or severe pain many of its users are dealing with, but i do find this site helpful for headaches and other minor issues I occasionally have.

Calm

Calm is a guided meditation app that I’ve mentioned on this site before. While many of their routines do require you to be a paying member, they are currently offering a free trial for anyone who wants to experience the full app. Although, to be honest,  I’ve gotten a lot of use out of their free content and do not have a membership at this site.

F*ck That: An Honest Meditation

F*ck That: An Honest Meditation is the perfect thing to watch if you’re not easily offended by curse words or sarcasm. (If you are, skip this entry).

Not every meditation session goes smoothly for me, so I appreciate videos like this one that acknowledge that.

Mindfulness in Action

Mindfulness in Action focuses on managing stress in places like schools, prisons, and the workplace. I don’t know as much about them as I do some of the other resources on this list, but I love the idea of finding such practical applications for meditation and mindfulness.

Rain Sounds

Rain Sounds is quickly becoming one of my favourite resources for non-guided meditation. I’ve loved the sound of rain since I was a small child. Few things relax me as quickly as that does, so it works perfectly when I need to take twenty minutes and quiet down my mind.

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The Scientific Power of Meditation

The Scientific Power of Meditation is a fast introduction to how meditation can change your brain waves, amount of grey matter,  and mental state. I like the fact that there is scientific evidence that meditation is good for the human body. It’s not all the placebo affect!

Tiny Buddha

Finally, Tiny Buddha is a site that shares meditation and mindfulness articles, tips, quotes, and so much more. They have multiple people contributing new material to this site, so the audience gets a very wide range of perspectives. Some of the contributors approach meditation from a spiritual perspective while others are more interested in practical or scientific applications of it. I love the diversity of thought in this community.

What meditation resources do you find most helpful?

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September 6, 2018 · 1:00 am

5 Books About Mindfulness I’d Like to Read

While I still don’t maintain an active TBR list, the books listed below have caught my attention. I’ve requested almost all of them from my local library, and I’m looking forward to reading them this autumn as they become available. Look below the images of the various titles for my brief explanations on why each title appeals to me so much.

In general, I prefer books about mindfulness to approach this topic from a scientific point of view. I also appreciate it when they talk about how mindfulness can improve someone’s life in practical ways that are easy to apply to one’s everyday routines. For example, one of the titles in this list talks about living with chronic pain or illnesses. Another title focuses on how something as simple as paying attention to what you’re eating at mealtimes can be an excellent way to remain in the moment.

I can’t and won’t officially recommend any of these books until I’ve read them, but I thought my readers might like a peek at what I’ll hopefully be checking out in the near future.

Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics: A 10% Happier How-to Book by Dan Harris

As a fidgety skeptic myself, I’m looking forward to seeing what on Earth this author is going to recommend to those of us who fit these two categories. The title made me smile, and I’m hoping the content will as well.

Practicing Peace in Times of War by Pema Chödrön

I’m a peaceful person, but there are occasionally times when the actions of others get under my skin.  I’m very good at walking away when someone is trying to get a rise out of me, but I’d like to become better at de-escalating those interactions as soon as they begin.

Love for Imperfect Things: How to Accept Yourself in a World Striving for Perfection by Haemin Sunim. Translated by Deborah Smith

This is a little further down the New Age scale than I usually read, but I’m curious to se what the author has to say about perfectionism, self-care, and accepting love. I also think it’s a good idea to occasionally read stuff that’s out of your comfort zone.

Living Well with Pain and Illness: The Mindful Way to Free Yourself from Suffering by Vidyamala Burch.

As an able-bodied person who has never been seriously ill or in chronic pain, my main purpose for reading this book is to get a small glimpse of what mindfulness looks like for people who are living with these sorts of health problems.

I appreciate it when monosexual people and and men take the time to listen to my experiences as a bisexual woman. There’s something to be said for seeking out the perspectives of folks whose experiences of the world could be very different from your own when they’re willing to share their stories.

Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life by Thich Nhat Hanh and Lilian Wai-Yin Cheung

The authors’ exploration of the emotional side of eating is what I’m most curious to read about in this book. I’m not currently trying to change my weight, but I would like to hear what they have to say about food that’s eaten because someone is feeling strong emotions. This is something that most of the health and fitness bloggers I follow don’t talk about very much or even at all.

What books about mindfulness do you find helpful? Have you read any of the books on my list? If so, what did you think of them?

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August 6, 2018 · 1:00 am

5 Reasons Why You Should Try ASMR

Picture credit: Emma L. Barratt, Nick J. Davis. CC-BY 4.0.

Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) is a calm tingling sensation that some people feel at the back of their their scalp and down on other parts of their body after being exposed to certain types of auditory stimuli.

ASMR is used for relaxation purposes. There are many videos about it floating around on Youtube and other places. I’ll share one at the end of this post for anyone who would like to try it for themselves.

It’s similar to many forms of meditation in that you remain with your eyes closed still during it. One of the side effects of this phenomenon that I find particularly helpful is how much it encourages listeners to focus on everything that’s happening in this particular moment without thinking about the past, the future, or anything else that might make your mind wander.

A friend of mine introduced me to ASMR a few years ago. I was a little confused and skeptical about what it was and how it worked at first, but once I found the right type of stimulus this quickly became one of my favourite things to do on days when I need some extra help relaxing or clearing my mind.

Honestly, I wish I’d known about it decades ago. It’s not every day I discover something quite this useful even though there’s still so many things we don’t know yet about how it works or why some people are so much more sensitive to ASMR than others are.

My goal for this post is to spark the curiosity of anyone who would wants to learn more. If nothing else, I’d like everyone to know that ASMR exists and that it can be an excellent relaxation tool.

It’s Not Yet Well Understood

This is normally the part of a post like this one where I’d talk about the science behind ASMR. I always enjoy figuring out why specific practices do or don’t work well on the human body. Right now there are far more questions about ASMR than there are answers. Like Synesthesia was in the 1990s, this is something that is very poorly studied or understood by the scientific community as of now.

It could be that it will be turn out to be something akin to the placebo effect. Maybe everyone who thinks they feels pleasurable tingles at the back of their head when they hear specific sounds will someday learn that it was their own mind accidentally tricking them.

I think it’s more likely that we’ll discover some sort of slight brain difference in those of us who can feel these things, but there’s always the possibility that the studies currently being conducted on this phenomena will turn up nothing of note at all about it. Only time will tell. If or when I hear more about this, I’ll write an update post.

It Can Be a Helpful Mindfulness Tool

I take a pragmatic approach to matters such as these. While we’re waiting for studies to be done on ASMR in an attempt to study it in detail, I believe that there can be merit to using things without understanding how they work. This is even more true for free, non-drug home remedies that don’t appear to have any negative side effects.

I’m not a doctor, and I’ll never give anyone medical advice. What I can say is that ASMR is one of the tools I use on days when mindfulness doesn’t come easily to me. There is something about concentrating on the gentle sounds of a Youtube video rather than on whatever  it is that’s bothering me that makes it easier to live in the moment than it would if I attempted to live in the moment in pure silence.

It’s Relaxing

Honestly, who doesn’t love relaxing experiences? (Now that I’ve typed that, I’m half-expecting someone to pop up in the comment section to explain why they actually find relaxation stressful for some reason I haven’t thought of yet).

The beautiful thing about listening to these types of videos is that they don’t require any special equipment or training from their audience. Anyone who has somewhere quiet to sit or lie down can participate in them and hopefully feel the same sorts of pleasant and relaxing sensations that I and many other folks have experienced.

There’s nothing quite like reaching the end of an ASMR video, opening my eyes, and realizing just how relaxed I am from it. When I’m listening to one of these role-playing exercises, the only thing on my mind is concentrating on the voice of the person narrating it or on the other sounds they’re making into the microphone.

It Feels Nice

When I listen to the right kinds of ASMR videos, I eventually feel a tingling sensation at the back of my head that gently travels down my face and neck to my body.

No, in case you were wondering, this isn’t a sexual sensation. I’d compare it more to the feeling that can come from getting your favourite kind of massage from a massage therapist who knows exactly when to work out a knot in a sore muscle versus when to gently rub your shoulders or back instead.

It’s simultaneously soothing and invigorating. I end every ASMR session feeling like a million bucks.

It Doesn’t Work for Everyone (but It Might for You!)

The only way to know is to try.

If or when you do give ASMR videos a shot, be sure to look at a variety of different types. Some of them – the food ones, for example –  don’t do anything for me at all.

It may take some trial and error, but I think of that as a positive thing. Like many other things in life, you might succeed the second or five or tenth time you try instead of the first one.

An ASMR Sample

Hair brushing and cutting ASMR videos happen to be my all-time favourite. I adore getting my hair cut and gently rubbed in real life. Apparently, that spilled over to my online preferences as well.

If the video below doesn’t do anything for you, keep trying. There are ASMR videos out there that featuring whispering, eating, slow movements, crisp sounds, and many other types of stimuli that might be right up your alley.

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July 23, 2018 · 1:00 am

Why HALT Is One of My Favourite Mindfulness Exercises

This past weekend I (silently) had the following conversation with myself at a busy, public place when I suddenly realized that I was in a terrible mood and wanted to find out why I felt that way.  The sections in blue are my emotions. My responses to them are written in black.

Everything in the entire world is wrong. 

Oh, what makes you say that?

It just is. 

Okay, let’s probe a little deeper. Are you feeling hungry right now?

Yes. I should have eaten a full lunch two hours ago, but it was delayed. The snack I had isn’t helping much at all. 

Let’s get you some food. Do you feel better now that you’ve eaten something?

Yes. Only half of the entire world is wrong now. 

Are you feeling angry?

No.

Good. Are you feeling lonely?

Not at all. I’ve spent plenty of time socializing with friends lately. Now I’m surrounded by hundreds of noisy strangers. 

How do you feel about that? Are you feeling tired?

I’m not feeling tired in the sense that I need to go to sleep, but I am overwhelmed by all of the people here. It’s hard to ignore all of the background noises and intrusions on my personal space that come from having more folks in one space than that area was necessarily designed to hold. 

Now that you’re no longer hungry and have gone someplace quieter, how are you feeling?

So much better. 

HALT

As you’ve probably already guessed, HALT is an acronym for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. I’ve seen it being used for everything from stress management to parenting to coping strategies for people who are trying to end their addictions to drugs or alcohol.

It’s a technique that I’ve also found very useful when trying to remain mindful on days when I’m not at my best.

Sometimes the reasons why it’s difficult to remain focused in the present moment are rooted in what is happening to you physically. Not getting enough sleep or food can drastically change the way you look at the world. I know that I don’t respond well at all to missing my normal mealtime.  I can be grumpy, too, after a particularly poor night of sleep.

Some emotions can make it more difficult to remain mindful as well. I know that sometimes I can have trouble exploring feelings like anger or jealousy without judging those emotions (or myself for feeling them). This is even more true when I’m feeling overwhelmed by my current mood and don’t have any idea where to begin in untangling everything I’m currently feeling.

The beautiful thing about HALT is the way it encourages you to explore one simple question at a time. Sometimes I’ll realize that my bad mood was caused by something as easy to fix as needing a snack, 20-minute nap, or even a quieter environment in general. After I’ve taken care of that basic need, I’ll go back to my normal self.

Fixing an emotion like anger or loneliness can take more time than that, but knowing exactly what it is that’s making me feel so bad is a fantastic first step in figuring out how to solve it.

The Mind Is Like a Muscle

I think of mindfulness in much the same way I do weightlifting. The mind is like a muscle.

It takes time and effort in order to build muscle or practice being mindful. Neither of these are things you can become an expert at in a day or week.

I honestly didn’t see much difference at all in myself for quite a while when I first began lifting weights and practicing mindfulness. The changes were so gradual that I don’t think I realized they were happening at the time, although I can now look back and see subtle signs that things were improving once I began sticking to a regular routine for both of these practices.

The wonderful thing about HALT is that it doesn’t require any experience in mindfulness at all in order to be useful. It really is as simple as remembering the four basic questions and trying to find solutions to any “yes” responses you might get to them.

Will it solve every moment of distraction or frustration? Of course not, but it’s an excellent place to begin when you’re distracted or have a sense that something is wrong but can’t quite pin down what it might be. This is still an exercise I rely on quite a bit when I have the kind of day I referred to in the beginning of this post. It’s such an effective tool for getting to the heart of the matter when I don’t have the energy for more complicated tools.

What have your experiences with HALT been like? Have you ever used it as a mindfulness exercise?

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