Tag Archives: Humour

No, this post isn’t about food allergies, intolerances, eating disorders, or medically-prescribed diets. It’s not about being vegan, vegetarian, pescetarian, or omnivorous either.

Lately Drew and I have had a silly series of conversations about the rules we’ve come up with for what we eat, when we eat it, and how we eat it.

For example, I divide food by the seasons. I don’t always strictly follow these meal plans, of course, but I do have a tendency to shift my eating habits from one season to the next. It simply feels weird to eat spaghetti in August or “fresh” strawberries in January!

Summer food is stuff like corn on the cob, any kind of seafood, many salads, stone fruit, any kind of melon, cold pasta salads, zucchini bread, popsicles, (vegan) ice cream, ice water, and other refreshing, light dishes.

Autumn food is stuff like apples, pears, light soups, small portions of meat, banana bread, occasional cups of tea, stir fries, pies, and roasted vegetables.

Winter food is stuff like chili and other thick, hearty soups, many cups of tea, potatoes and other root vegetables, fruit smoothies, spaghetti, and very meat-heavy dishes.

Spring food is stuff like berries, some salads, fish, eggs, asparagus, occasional cups of tea, and pasta.

I don’t really see any difference between breakfast, lunch and dinner foods. I’ll happily eat eggs and toast for dinner or tilapia and vegetables for breakfast depending on what I have in the fridge and what sounds good that particular day.

What about you? What are your food rules?

Stage 1: Oh, my stuffy nose and fits of sneezing are just signs of seasonal allergies.

In January.  In the middle of a cold snap. In between snowstorms. Yes, that makes perfect sense.

Stage 2: A sore throat? I must have slept with my mouth open last night.

No, I do not want any crackers who have suddenly developed very jagged edges or acid-juice.

Stage 3: *cough*

Ouch. That hurt. I think I will breathe more shallowly in the future. There’s no sense in encouraging my lungs to spasm like that again.

Stage 4: Zzzz.

Stage 5: Ok, this might be a cold after all.

Yes, I go through every stage every time I get sick. This is one of those things I can be downright obstinate about.

How about you? Do you find it easy to admit it when you’re sick?

Photo by Ched Davis.

You’re all going to laugh at me for this one.

Drew and I are finishing up a three-day weekend here in Toronto. This summer has featured some exceptionally weird weather for us. Some weeks it’s been hot and humid, but others are much cooler than you’d normally expect for Ontario.

So we started the weekend with no definitive plans. There are a lot of great things to do in this city, but this time of year the weather influences how much time we’re willing to spend in an oven the great outdoors.

The weekend crept along quietly. High humidity levels kept us indoors during the hottest part of the day, but the temperatures were and are surprisingly low for August.

Monday rolls along. It’s odd to have three days in a row together with nothing planned, so we play the day by ear until 2 p.m.

I’m going to give my readers two options for the next part of this story. Pick Option A if you are one of my grandparents, my nephew,  or otherwise assume that I never learned how to curse.

Everyone else, scroll down to Option B.

Option A: Oh, fiddlesticks! I thought I had a post written for today.

Option B: Shit! What the hell was I planning to say today? I thought I was still a week ahead in the queue.

Whatever you do, though, do not scroll back up to see what you missed. You’ve made your choice. 😛

Readers, what have you all forgotten recently?

1. The Care Bears were the source of my most violent nightmares as a child.
2. The smell of olives makes me feel nauseated.
3. I have two speeds: my normal, quiet self, and extra talkative. Most of the time you barely hear a word out of me. Every once in a while I blab the ears off of anyone in listening distance. There is no middle ground. 😉
4. I never learned how to whistle or snap my fingers.
5. When I was a preteen my family began to gradually listen to more secular music. One year my mom bought me CDs from Alanis Morissette and Rebecca St. James. I listened to Rebecca’s album once or twice and totally wore Alanis’ album out. It made me feel guilty, but I could relate to Alanis’ anger much more easily than I could to Rebecca’s cloyingly sweet lyrics.
6. I don’t think anyone should be allowed to use megaphones in public places. By all means promote any religion or event you choose to, but those machines are extremely loud. Sometimes painfully so. Not cool.
7. Celery tastes better than steak to me.
8. It’s still exciting to meet other Preacher’s Kids. There are groups for ex-pastors, current pastors, and spouses of pastors, but I’ve never come across a community for their kids. Someday, maybe…
9. Sometimes I type conversations out on an imaginary typewriter in my head as everyone speaks them.
10. The only thing I miss about church: potlucks. Especially the desserts.
11. It’s been 4 years since I last wore a dress. I’m much more comfortable in pants and plan to keep this streak going for a very long time.
12. I often wonder how the really angry street preachers in my neighbourhood behave when they go home. Are they pleasant dinner companions? Is religion the only thing they ever talk about? Do their spouses yell and scream on other street corners, or is this a hobby that works best when your better half doesn’t share it?
13. I’m easily startled.
14. I’m totally uncomfortable with hearing graphic details about how other folks gave birth. When the topic comes up, I find a way out of the room ASAP. By all means talk about it…just not with me.
15. Gospel music is my go-to source for a quick mood boost.
16. I think everyone should learn how to shoot a gun. It’s a hell of a lot harder than it looks, but it’s a survival skill that can come in handy in an emergency. E.g. signalling for help if you’re injured in a very isolated area or scaring off a predator.
17. When I die in my dreams I always come back as either a mischievous ghost or a (slightly) intelligent zombie.
18. I’ve often wished my hair was curlier.
19. I get carsick unless there is a very experienced and smooth driver at the wheel.
20. When I was little we lived in an old farmhouse that had some sort of attic. Mom forbid me from going up there alone, so instead I’d stand near it and wonder what was up there that she didn’t want me to get into. I never broke her rule, though!

This blog has been so seriously lately that I thought it was time for something silly.

What would most people be surprised to learn about you?

As a Christian what do you do when someone doesn’t apologize? Forgive them 70 times 7.

Do men care if you don’t wear makeup. No.

Should I apologize to my husband’s mistress? Don’t apologize, but do consider becoming friends. (Dump the cheater first, though!)

It has been suggested that there is much more sex on tv in Europe than in the U.S., and, on the other hand, there is more violence on tv in the U.S. than in Europe. is this actually true? Yes.

Do you forgive someone who ruined your wedding? Yes, but I would keep my distance from them in the future.

Fred Schoch party. If there was such an event this spring I never received an invitation. 😉

Is Heather Robb a Christian? I’ll leave it up to her to answer that question.

What are some amazing things about quiet people? We let you get a word in edgewise.

Should you respond to hateful text? Yes, with a Haiku.

Why is Lydia so crabby? I’m usually only crabby when I wait too long to eat my next meal. Other than that I’m a pretty happy person.

What I’m thinking as I’m watching The Walking Dead.

Spoilers to follow for anyone not caught up on the show. You have been warned.

1. Why did the writers of this assume women don’t know how to shoot guns for the first two seasons? Must all women really rely on men to keep them safe in this world? Will Michonne ever become a well-rounded character instead of a numb killing machine?

2. What is T-Dog’s real name? Who was he before the zombiepocalypse? Did he have a spouse or kids? Why must current black characters always be killed off when new ones show up?

3. Knowing that she desperately needed a Caesarean section for her first pregnancy why didn’t Lori have a chemical abortion as soon as she discovered her pregnancy? Who has unprotected sex when  there’s no access to modern medical care? Shouldn’t a woman’s health come first?

Search engine questions from the winter of 2013. 

Why is it hard moving away from the city? Many people prefer to stay in the same environment they knew growing up. There are very real cultural differences between living in a small town and a big city and not everyone is comfortable leaping from one to the other.

What other hobbits had adventures? The ones on the Isle of Flores.

[Does] access to internet allow people to think? From what I’ve seen the Internet amplifies existing personality traits. Someone who asks intelligent questions in real life will almost certainly be the same way online.

How do you like the idea of celebrating family holidays in a restaurant? The concept is intriguing but I’ve rarely seen it executed smoothly. Restaurants are quite busy on the holidays which decreases food quality and customer service.  I participate in these dinners occasionally because other people like them but would never organize one myself. There are so many better ways to spend time together.

Is a Craiglist strictly platonic relationship with a married man okay? Only if his husband or wife is ok with it. Craiglist’s definition of that word seems to be friends with benefits.

How do you to get your elders to love you? Smile and nod when they repeat the same story over and over again. Buy them dark chocolate. Pose for pictures. If they don’t like dark chocolate share it with me instead. I love anyone who goes out of their way to find dairy-free desserts! 🙂

Do I have to apologize for blocking someone? Of course not.

Has the Internet negatively impacted society by allowing people to anonymously spread misinformation? Only in the sense that it’s easier to share lies online. There have always been slanderous people in this world. I hope they keep gossiping if only so the rest of us know whom to avoid!

Preacher’s kids behind closed doors… are just like anyone else. It’s the pressure for us to be perfect that causes some PKs to rebel. The best thing you can do is to expect the same things from them as you would from anyone else that age.