Tag Archives: Illness

April 12, 2023 · 1:00 am

Wednesday Weekly Blogging Challenge: My Best Home Remedy for the Common Cold

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Click here to read everyone else’s replies to this week’s question and to read everyone else’s replies to this week’s question and here to see the full list of topics for the year.

Edited to add that I’m once again having trouble leaving comments on Blogspot blogs. It worked this morning and now it doesn’t. If I don’t comment on your post now or in the future, this is the reason why.

The small hand of a Caucasian adult is holding a blue and white bottle of Life Brand Sterile Saline Nasal Mist. My best home remedy for the common cold is something I first discovered a year or two ago that’s called a nasal saline spray or a sterile saline nasal mist.

It’s a gentle purified solution of salt and water that is not habit forming. There are no drugs or preservatives in it, therefore I’m hoping that most of you will be able to give it a try if you’re interested.

Here’s a photo of my current bottle. Its ingredients are identical to the name brand version so far as I can tell, so don’t waste your money on the fancy stuff unless you really want to. It all works exactly the same. You can even make it at home if you prefer that option.

When I have a cold, it feels like 90% of my body is comprised of mucous. My cheeks, sinuses, and nose become sore and uncomfortable, and that can trigger a nasty headache and other painful reactions in nearby body parts as well.

Squirting nasal saline spray into my nostrils helps to clear them out and reduce the pain and inflammation that can be part of the common cold. This makes it easier for me to fall asleep and stay asleep.

It works better and lasts longer than inhaling warm, moist air from, say, running the shower and sitting in the bathroom. That was the trick I used for many years before I discovered this product, and it’s still a great option to use in conjunction with this or instead of it if you can’t use saline solutions. Close-up photo of a digital thermometer, an analogue thermometer, and about ten little pills sitting on a white table. The pills are of various sizes and colours, from blue to pink to yellow to orange. A few are large, a few are small, and most are average sized.

I’ll use my spray a few times a day when I’m sick depending on how much my sinuses are hurting and how congested I am. It’s especially nice to do right before bed as I can then breathe through my nose more easily as I fall asleep.

Common colds are never going to be fun, but nasal saline spray makes them a lot easier to deal with.

I look forward to reading everyone else’s responses to this prompt and will be taking notes for the next time I get sick.

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October 13, 2022 · 1:00 am

A Review of Judith – A Triorion Universe Story

Judith - A Triorian Universe Story by L.J. Hachmeister book cover. Image on cover shows the sun breaking through the clouds over a hill that has a bare tree on it. Title: Judith – A Triorion Universe Story

Author: L.J. Hachmeister

Publisher: Source 7 Productions (Self-Published)

Publication Date: February 1, 2020

Genres: Science Fiction, Contemporary

Length: 19 Pages

Source: I received a free copy from the author.

Rating: 3.5 Stars

Blurb:

With a broken heart and the resurgence of cancer, Judith Derns’ life comes to a halt. Some odds just can’t be beaten. But when she encounters a strange being in her countryside home, she discovers a chance to do something more than just survive another day. With a dying body and the military invading her home, Judith taps into a strength she didn’t know she had, and with a single decision, unleashes the greatest power of all.

Review:

Content Warning: Cancer, pregnancy, infertility, grief, death, and car accident. I will not discuss these topics in my review.

Bad days happen to everyone eventually.

Judith had been through so much in her life! I raised my eyebrows when the narrator described the many losses she’d already endured, and it made me curious to see how she’d react to yet another piece of terrible news. She seemed like the sort of person who knew how to take things one day at a time and who would reserve her true feelings about her diagnosis for when she arrived safely at home and had no one around to interrupt her. I liked her as a person and found myself wishing she could finally catch a break after such a long string of bad luck.

I would have liked to see more conflict and character development in this tale. So much time was spent focusing on Judith’s reaction to her diagnosis that there wasn’t much space left over for her to explore the bizarre activity on her property or come to terms with what her life was going to be like after she arrived home. This also left me a little confused about the meaning of the final scene, especially as it pertained to Judith’s future. While I totally understand leaving space for additional plot and character development in later instalments, there unfortunately wasn’t enough of either of these things for me to choose a higher rating even thought I was intrigued by the main character and wanted to know more about her.

With that being said, the science fiction twist added a jolt of excitement to the plot. I was curious to see how it would tie into her cancer diagnosis and who she would decide to trust. She didn’t seem to know anyone who was on her property, so I couldn’t begin to guess how she’d react to their competing requests from her. This was one of those cases where I quickly developed an opinion on what a character should do but didn’t know if she’d actually follow through or if my gut instinct about what was happening was correct. It was amusing to get an answer to this question.

This is part of a series, but it can be read as a standalone work.

Judith – A Triorion Universe Story piqued my curiosity.

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July 14, 2022 · 1:00 am

The Healer: A Review of Sweet Basil

Sweet Basil by Lea Doué book cover. Image on cover shows a young woman wearing a black cloak and touching her Hans as she walks through a deserted forest on a slightly foggy day. Title: Sweet Basil – A Firethorn Chronicles Short Story

Author: Lea Doué

Publisher: Butterwing Publishing (Self-Published)

Publication Date: August 30, 2021

Genres: Fantasy, Historical

Length: 24 pages

Source: I received a free copy from the author

Rating: 3 Stars

Blurb:

Hiding from sorcerer hunters, Marisol travels in search of those she can help with her dangerous gift of healing. With every life she saves comes the risk of being discovered, but only if her secret doesn’t destroy her first.

Sweet Basil is a stand-alone short story set in the world of The Firethorn Chronicles, a series drawn from The Twelve Dancing Princesses and other fairytales.

Review:

Content Warning: Pain and  life-threatening illnesses. I will not mention them in my review.

Would you continue using your powers for good even if doing so put you in terrible danger?

I’d never read a tale about a magical tattoo, and the idea excited me as soon as it was introduced in one of the very first scenes. The person who had that tattoo knew that it was something incredibly special that not everyone around them would understand, so they had to take measures to prevent others from noticing that their tattoo could do things like move around of its own accord. I’m dancing around this subject a little to avoid spoilers, but I was impressed by how creatively the author explained this portion of the plot. It made me think about tattoos in an entirely new light, and I was pleasantly surprised by how much this item affected the course of the storyline.

It would have been helpful to have more world building. No, I didn’t expect the author to explain everything, especially since it was a prequel that was primarily meant to whet the appetites of new readers for more. With that being said, there were a few scenes I found confusing because of how little time was spent explaining what the rules of magic are in this universe and how someone can reasonably expect a magical object to behave when it is used. I simply didn’t know enough about those matters to tell if items like the tattoo were acting out of the ordinary or not.

One of my favorite things about this story was how it depicted Marisol and Renzo’s friendship. Many storytellers, especially in the fantasy genre,  immediately assume that any two characters who are single and who share compatible sexual orientations must end up in a relationship together no matter how much this may or may not make sense for their individual character arcs or for the plot as a whole. Given this trope, it was refreshing to see how the author handled their friendship and where she took it. Her decisions made sense for for what I know thus far about the characters and the plot. Obviously, I can’t say how the rest of the series will develop from here as I haven’t read it yet, but I appreciated what’s been done with it up until this point.

This is a prequel to a series. It can be read as a standalone work.

Sweet Basil – A Firethorn Chronicles Short Story made me smile. 

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May 18, 2022 · 1:00 am

Wednesday Weekly Blogging Challenge: What You Do When You’re Not Feeling Well

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Click here to read everyone else’s replies to this week’s question and here to see the full list of topics for the year.

This week’s prompt didn’t specify what sort of illness we might have, so I’m going to assume it’s a contagious and common one like a cold or the flu that we’ve all experienced multiple times in life as opposed to diseases that only a small percentage of people have personal experience with.

These are the steps I tend to go through when I feel these sorts of viral illnesses sneaking up on me:

A thermometer and some pills lying on a white surface.

Step 1: Denial

No, of course I’m not sick! My sore throat and stuffy nose must be due to allergies of some sort even if it’s the middle of winter and everything here in Ontario is frozen solid.

This stage usually only lasts for a few hours or a day at most.

 

Step 2: Why? Sigh! 

Why did I have to get sick this week? Doesn’t my immune system know I have 1,043 things to do (or, even worse, that I was looking forward to a relaxing vacation)?

 

Step 3: Grudging Acceptance.

I suppose I will give in and accept my fate as germy sick person, but I do not agree to be cheerful about it. Harrumph.

 

Step 4: Naps and Soup

Schedule permitting, let’s squeeze in as many naps and bowls of warm, soothing soup as possible.

I almost never eat soup when I’m healthy, and of course I do eat other foods when I’m sick, too. There is something about soup that’s extra appealing when I’m sick, especially if it’s chicken noodle or a soft version of beef vegetable that’s friendly for a sore throat or upset stomach.

If my symptoms include a fever, this is when I start taking my temperature a few times of day and writing down the results.

 

Step 5: Ugh, This Cough Is Never Going to End

Is it pneumonia, consumption, or maybe even something worse?

I think I should spend inordinate amounts of time on WebMD looking up every symptom and seeing what the worst case scenario is for them just in case.

 

Step 6-9: Slightly Better, Slightly Worse 

Why am I coughing more today? Why am I coughing less today?

How soon can I exercise? How much can I exercise? What does the Internet say about how quickly I can go back to normal habits without risking the rare cases of heart damage that happen when people exercise too soon after a viral illness?

Shall I google it all a dozen different ways over the next couple of weeks until my cough disappears completely?

 

Step 10: I am Actually Well Again! 

I think this one is pretty self explanatory. There’s nothing like feeling like your old self again.

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March 23, 2022 · 1:00 am

Wednesday Weekly Blogging Challenge: Your Favourite Podcast and Why

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Click here to read everyone else’s replies to this week’s question and here to see the full list of topics for the year.

A pink neon sign that says “On Air.” To be honest with all of you, I rarely listen to podcasts.

Books are such a huge source of entertainment to me that I simply don’t have a lot of time left over for other things, but I am open to changing that under the right circumstances.

One of the few exceptions to this rule is Tell Me About Your Pain. It’s a podcast about living with chronic pain and the latest evidence-based information on how best to treat it and to live with it.

(For anyone who might be new to the Wednesday Weekly Blogging Challenge or to my site in general, I have episodic migraines).

I’m still quite new to this show, but I appreciate the fact that the people who run this podcast are so conscientious about only recommending treatments that have a strong scientific basis for their claims.

One of the things I’ve learned from my illness is that most of us will do anything to find relief and a very small percentage of humans out there will take advantage of that desperation to sell “treatments” that are ineffective or, even worse, might actually cause other health problems or exacerbate your current ones.

Due to this, I’m cautious about who I listen to when I seek out complementary treatments for my migraines that might work well with the new treatment regiment my family doctor put me on a few months ago. I don’t want to upset the delicate balance that can happen when you finally find a routine that helps.

This podcast is an excellent one if you also happen to have a chronic illness that causes pain or if you simply want to get a peek at how some of your friends and loved ones deal with this sort of thing.

if anyone reading this knows a lot about podcasts and would like to make some recommendations, I’d love to hear about anything that’s related to science, books, art, or history! It’s wonderful to learn more about the world.

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March 4, 2019 · 1:00 am

We Should All Have Android Bodies

You might think I’m joking about this, but I’m not. This is how the last couple of days have been for me.

Me: My injured foot is doing better. What a relief. I can’t wait to get back into my normal workout routines again.

Body:  Ooh, look! A shiny illness. I heard they pair perfectly with feet injuries, especially during cold and flu season when you can get fresh, locally-grown sicknesses at every corner store.

Me: Wait, what?

Body: It’s so sparkly. I want to cuddle it, name it Fluffy, and carry it around for a while.

Me: Illnesses do not sparkle and you do not want to touch that one. Trust me. It will be better for everyone if you put it down and go wash your hands with soap and hot water.

Body: Too late! Sorry not sorry, but I’m keeping it. The three of us are going to be besties until your immune and digestive systems figure out how fight back.

Based on how I’ve been feeling these past few weeks, I am beyond ready for humanity to figure out a way to give everyone an android body. Meat suits have some benefits, but they also need far too many repairs and recuperation time when they have accidents or pick up the wrong germs.

Give me a nice, robotic body instead. I’d be quite happy to never have to think about all of the things that can go terribly wrong with flesh, bones, and organs even when you’re only dealing with diagnoses that have an expiration date.

The science fiction genre often acts as though transitioning from having a purely biological form to at least partially existing as a computer program would be a terrible fate, but all I can think about is how nice it would be to no longer get sick or injured anymore.

Would you sign up to have your consciousness transferred to an android body if such a thing were possible?

 

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November 5, 2018 · 1:00 am

The Best Fitness Advice I’ve Ever Received

There is so much conflicting information floating around out there about fitness, nutrition, and various types of exercise. Today I’m going to be talking about the best fitness advice I’ve ever received. I’m not a doctor or other medical provider, so this post is not written in order to give health or medical advice to anyone. It is only meant to share my personal experiences on this topic.

1. Don’t Ignore Pain

There’s a massive difference between  feeling fatigued from a certain type of movement and hurting because of it. Pain is a sign that something has gone or is going wrong. On the rare occasions that I feel this sensation while working out, I stop immediately.

2. Make Healthier Options the Easiest Ones

This is a trick I use for my diet as much, and even more so during the holidays when sweets are everywhere, as I do for my fitness goals.

It’s easy to stick with an exercise routine or a healthy eating plan on a great day when everything goes according to plan. Continuing to do so on days when my plans have been interrupted or I’m dealing with unpleasant surprises that make skipping that workout or ordering in fast food unbelievably appealing is another story.

If I already have healthy leftovers sitting in the fridge, I’m going to be less likely to go out and buy something that won’t provide the vitamins and minerals I need. As far as my fitness goals go, I live in a highly walkable neighbourhood and try to do as many of my normal errands on foot as possible. Those five or ten minute trips add up to a lot of low-impact exercise over time.

3. Pick Activities You Enjoy

For example, I love to go swimming. It’s not an activity I do very often for logistical reasons, but when I do get a chance to swim I’ll happily spend hours in the pool. At times, I’ve even fantasized about what it would be like to be able to sleep while floating in a friendly body of water. (No, this blog is not written by a mermaid, although that might be something a mermaid would write if they actually existed and didn’t know how to sleep in the water since they’d been raised on land).

4. Be Patient

Reaching any fitness goal takes time and effort. I know that I’ve often wished I could build muscle quickly, but that’s not how it works….especially for thin and petite women like me!

5. Create Multiple Backup Plans

A few years ago, I made plans to go on a low-key hike on a specific spring weekend when the weather is generally gorgeous here in Ontario.

Then it rained that weekend. I’m not talking about a light drizzle, either. There were thunderstorms and lightning everywhere.

It happened again on my backup date, and then yet again the next couple of times I tried to reschedule those plans. I don’t remember whether that hike ever happened or not, to be honest with you. What I remember most clearly from that experience is how frustratingly funny it was to see the weather report change to a high risk of thunderstorms on every single day I was hoping to spend some time out in nature.

This is a story I think about when I’m brainstorming various ways to include physical activity in my vacation plans or deciding how to get back into the habit of exercise after an injury or illness. If one idea doesn’t work, I always have two or three alternates tucked into the back of my mind.

6. Stick to the Routine, Including Rest Days 

If it’s a workout day for me, I’m going to be getting that exercise in unless I’m sick, injured, or (very rarely) are travelling and legitimately can’t make my goals that day due to how many hours I’ve spent on an airplane, train, or bus. On rest days, I take things easy no matter how much I’m itching to do something more active with my time than walking or other low-impact forms of movement.

The longer these habits have had to form, the easier I find it to follow the routine. There is something reassuring about always knowing what that part of my day is going to be like no matter what else might be happening before or after it.

What is the best fitness advice you’ve ever received?

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May 14, 2018 · 1:00 am

Health and Fitness at the Dollar Store

One of the biggest misconceptions some people have about getting fit is that it requires a significant investment of money in the beginning if you’re starting out with little to no equipment.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

A few nights ago, I took a stroll around a dollar store to see what kinds of health and fitness items they had for sale there. I jotted down everything I could find that could somehow be connected to this topic, and the list was much longer than I ever would have imagined it would be.

Seriously. I was expecting to find maybe ten things there, but I ended up finding closer to a hundred of them if every category is fully expanded to include every example in them.

This is what they had for sale there:

  • T-shirts
  • Hats
  • Sandals
  • Hair ties
  • Socks
  • Sports bras
  • Ponchos
  • Support insoles for shoes
  • Sunglasses
  • Beach towels
  • Goggles
  • Bug Repellant
  • Sunscreen
  • First Aid supplies (bandaids, disinfectant, etc).
  • Plastic and metal buckets of various sizes (for transporting dirty or wet items back home)
  • Reusable plastic water bottles
  • Fishing poles
  • Headlamps
  • Small lanterns (if hiking or camping are on your to-do list)
  • Pet toys (for playing tug-of-war or fetch)
  • Pool toys
  • Toys and games for all ages/abilities (dart guns, dart boards, balls, chalk, jump ropes, etc)
  • Young children’s toys (plastic baseball bats, miniature golf clubs, etc)
  • Balloons (for water balloon fights or other similar games)
  • Beach toys (small shovels, plastic molds for making sandcastles, etc).
  • Frisbees
  • Rainbow flyers
  • Gardening tools (hand rakes, small shovels, etc).
  • Badminton rackets and balls
  • Plastic/rubber balls for other sports
  • Hula hoops
  • Sports equipment (rackets, balls, etc).
  • Yoga mats
  • Kettleballs
  • Resistance bands
  • Exercise wheels
  • Push up stands
  • Stretch bands
  • Roll out exercise wheels
  • Yoga mats
  • Yoga towels
  • Nonperishable, fairly healthy snacks (nuts, beef jerky, bottled water, canned fruit, applesauce.)
  • Many types of large reusable bags (for toting around everything on this list!)

Some of the items on this list did cost more than a dollar, but all of them were very inexpensive in general.

Whether I was planning to hike, swim, build sandcastles play any number of sports, jog, lift weights, stretch, do yoga, garden, go camping, or participate in any number of other activities, there were products for almost every type of exercise one could possibly imagine. I was seriously impressed by their selection.

Why am I recommending checking out your local dollar store if I believe in minimalism and buying quality over quantity?

There are a few reasons why this could be a smart idea under certain circumstances:

Not Everything Needs to be Well-Made in Order to be Useful

Several years ago, I bought a sun hat from the dollar store that suits my purposes perfectly when I want to exercise outdoors on a sunny day. Was it fashionable? Well, only if you’re a time traveller from 1995, but I’m not the kind of person who worries about how trendy I look when I’m working out.

Why spend $60 on something like that if you can spend $2 or $3 instead for the exact same outcome? For the kinds of activities I do, the type of hat doesn’t matter in the least. Anything that shades my face and neck from the sun will be more than adequate for my purposes.

It’s a Low-Cost Way to Try New Activities

For example, I like the idea of playing badminton. Every so often, I toy around with the thought of playing that sport as part of my fitness routine.

As mentioned above, the dollar store carries badminton equipment. While it isn’t made from high quality materials, it would be the perfect thing for me to play around with if I ever decide to finally add this sport to my list of preferred activities.

Spending a few dollars wouldn’t break the bank, and I could  go to a secondhand store or a regular store to find much sturdier equipment if I decided that this was something I wanted to play more than occasionally and my original racket broke.

Speaking of broken items….

Losing or Breaking A New Item Won’t Be So Disappointing

I’m very protective of the few possessions I have that are top-notch. Anyone who wants to borrow them has to earn my trust first, and I’d be horribly disappointed if they were damaged, lost, or destroyed in an accident or through someone else’s carelessness. There are certain places that I really wouldn’t want to take those items to due to the risks of them being exposed to the water, dirt, or sand that could ruin them.

The nice thing about dollar store purchases is that you don’t stand to lose hundreds or thousands of dollars if they’re accidentally broken or lost. I wouldn’t hesitate to lend out something like a hula hoop or a pool toy I bought from the dollar store to a friend or relative.

If that item was later returned to me in pristine condition, great! If not, I’ve only lost a few dollars at most. Replacing it won’t hurt my bottom line at all, so I don’t have a problem lending it out or taking it places where the risks of something happening are higher than usual.

What’s At Your Local Dollar Store?

Assuming you live in a part of the world that has dollar stores (or pound shops/variety stores, as they’re sometimes called), what kinds of health and fitness items have you spotted there?

I’d love to compare my list with yours!

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January 4, 2018 · 1:00 am

The Cold That Stuck Around (Or Why I Haven’t Lifted Weights in Ages)

Every once in a great while, my body meets a cold virus that decides it likes living in my body and becomes reluctant to leave it. I’m talking about the kind of devotion that some people are never lucky enough to experience once in their entire lifetimes. If it didn’t involve so much coughing, I’d be much more willing to feel sorry for those poor viruses who hang around for as long as they do.

I like to blame this on the fact that I didn’t grow up in Canada as well as the fable that I therefore have yet to mingle with some of the more virulent germs floating around up here. When Canadians emigrate to the U.S., I’m sure they’re occasionally just as surprised by our fierce American germs down there. (I will now wait for my mother, who has worked in the medical field for over 20 years and has no doubt forgotten more about these things than I’ll ever know, to shake her head and laugh at the idea of Canadian vs. American viruses.)

For the past few weeks, I’ve had about as much stamina and energy as the sleeping cat in the picture on the left.

There were a few beautiful naps to be had in the early stages of The Cold That Stuck Around™, and I was grateful for every one of them.

After the sneezing, fatigue, and congestion finally began to fade away, I started thinking about weightlifting again. I miss it every single time I have to take a break from it to heal from an injury or illness.

As usual, I waited a couple of days until after my cough finally faded away before tentatively doing a light bodyweight fitness routine that I normally find pretty easy. I was otherwise  feeling well by this point, and I really wanted to get back into my normal routine before the new year.

Something tells me The Cold That Stuck Around™ was expecting this, because I began coughing at the end of that workout. It wasn’t a hacking cough, but it did bother me off and on for the rest of that day.

The next morning I was still coughing, so I took another couple of days off to rest. Yesterday, I decided to try to reach my daily step count goal without doing any weightlifting. Maybe that fairly small amount of exercise would be acceptable while I healed.

I’ll give you the amount of time it takes to read this sentence to guess how that turned out for me.

Yes, I had another coughing fit this morning. It was milder than the last one, but I clearly haven’t shaken off The Cold That Stuck Around™quite yet.

I otherwise feel perfectly healthy. It’s hard to justify the idea of not getting my normal amount of exercise in, but clearly my body isn’t quite ready for that yet.

So now here I am staring wistfully at my weights as I wonder when I’ll get to use them again. In the scheme of things, it is a very minor problem to have. I honestly shouldn’t even be complaining about it at all, but I’m going be very happy when the-virus-that-shall-not-be-named finally wanders away for good and I’m no longer coughing at all. There are many things in life I can be perfectly patient about,  but this isn’t one of them.

I hope that all of your fitness routines are going much more smoothly!

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July 24, 2017 · 1:00 am

Why Unsolicited Advice Is a Terrible Idea

Yes, I appreciate the irony in writing a blog post about unsolicited advice that could be read as unsolicited advice.

I’ve been playing around with the idea of never giving anyone any advice that they haven’t asked me for, though, and I thought it would make a great topic for a post here while I’m adjusting to the idea of keeping my mouth shut until or unless I’m asked for my opinion.

Perhaps someday I’ll revisit this topic once I have more to say about it? For now, let’s talk about why giving people advice they haven’t asked for is a terrible idea.

 You Don’t Have All of the Facts

Everyone has private parts of their lives that are only shared with very few people or maybe even no one else at all. It could be as simple as a soothing bedtime ritual or as complex as an uncommon hobby that they only discuss with others who have also devoted their free time to perfecting the art of underwater basket weaving.

The parts of someone’s life that others see  almost certainly don’t give a full picture of who they are or how complex their problems – or their perceived problems –  really are.

Sometimes what looks like a banana isn’t actually a banana after all. (Also, I love this picture in and of itself. Isn’t it interesting?)

One Size Doesn’t Fit All

I’ve seen this happen multiple times with various friends of mine who are living with serious, longterm mental or physical health problems.

No sooner do they mention having a particularly bad day or dealing with a troublesome, new symptom than someone else will jump in with a half-dozen suggestions for how they should fix their disease once and for all.

Yes, they’ve tried all of those cures already. No, that random Internet article isn’t going to magically fix deep-seated health problems that have been bothering them for decades and that have been treated by multiple doctors and other healthcare professions over the years.

I’ve only ever had this happen to me briefly once or twice, and even that made me irrationally angry. I can’t imagine what my friends who must deal with possibly well-meaning but ultimately wrong and judgemental assumptions about their bodies over and over again go through.

What works for one person can fail miserably for another even if they’re both dealing with similar circumstances or diseases.

 It Doesn’t Work

Advice is only useful when the person receiving it is open to the idea of changing. It’s not like a vaccine that will protect someone from dangerous diseases regardless of what thoughts flutter through their minds while their immune systems are learning how to recognize and destroy inactivated polio germs.

One has to be ready to accept what the advice-giver is saying in order for it to have any hope at all of working. Changing your personality, habits, and/or current situation is such a difficult task that there’s no other way of going about it. Anyone who isn’t motivated to keep going even if they don’t see any results right away is almost certainly going to give up long before any of the work they might have put into their current personal project has had any chance at all to fix things.

Unwanted advice also doesn’t work well for adult relationships in general. When someone who isn’t in an official place of authority over me tries to control what I do or how I live, I feel annoyed and confused. If they continue to do it over a long period of time despite being asked to stop, I slowly begin to share less about my life with them.

Not only does unsolicited advice not work in the short term, it makes me much less willing to listen six months or a year from now if they have something else to say to me.

Rather than prompting me to change whatever it is they think I’m doing wrong, what this kind of interaction teaches me is that they’re not a safe person to confide in. I will often start spending less time with them and guarding myself when I do see them. Their intentions may have been noble, but the results of their poor boundaries are going to be the exact opposite of what they might have hoped for.

Some Lessons Have to be Learned the Hard Way

Not everyone is willing to take the experiences of others as the ultimate truth.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have the urge to warn other people about certain types of mistakes I’ve made in the past, but you can’t live someone else’s life for them.

Sometimes they have to find out for themselves that something is a terrible idea regardless of whether it takes thirty seconds or thirty years between their decision and reaping the consequence of it.

The only thing the rest of us can do in the meantime is to respect their boundaries and hope that they’ll learn their lesson as quickly and easily as possible.

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