Top Ten Tuesday: Books on My Summer 2020 TBR

Hosted by That Artsy Reader Girl

White woman reading a book while sitting in a lawn chairSummer weather in Toronto begins in June and runs through the end of September (or longer some years).

We’ll have warm but still nice days at the beginning and end of summer season, but we also have many hot, humid ones when the best thing to do is to settle down with a book and save any exercising for cooler parts of the day.

This is doubly true this year thanks to the pandemic and the fact that all of our swimming pools and beaches are shut down for public health reasons. Here are a few of the many books I’m hoping to check out this summer as I stay cool.

 

Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia book cover. Image on cover is of a young girl wearing a red dress, clasping flowers, and sitting down.

Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia

Release Date: June 30

Why I Want to Read It: As soon as the saw the words “horror” and “Jane Eyre” in the blurb, I knew I had to read this. Not sure if this is a homage to that book or simply has similar themes. Either way, I’m thrilled to check it out soon.

Goddess in the Machine (Goddess in the Machine, #1) by Lora Beth Johnson book cover. Image on cover is of a young black girl turning around.

Goddess in the Machine (Goddess in the Machine, #1) by Lora Beth Johnson

Release Date: June 30

Why I Want to Read It: The thought of being in stasis so long that everyone you know and love has died long before you wake up again makes me shudder. It also makes me eager to see how this character reacts to this fact.

 

Book cover for Ghost Wood Song  by Erica Waters. Image on cover is of book title in the shape of curved pieces of wood.

Ghost Wood Song by Erica Waters

Release Date: July 21

Why I Want to Read It: There’s nothing like reading a spooky ghost story on a humid summer day.

Paola Santiago and the River of Tears (Paola Santiago #1) by Tehlor Kay Mejia

Paola Santiago and the River of Tears (Paola Santiago #1) by Tehlor Kay Mejia

Release Date: August 4

Why I Want to Read It: Middle grade novels are the perfect brain candy for hot, humid days. The fact that this one references La Llorona only makes me more curious about it!

Book cover for Sara Seager's The Smallest Lights in the Universe. Image on cover is of an adult and two children walking outdoors at dusk.

The Smallest Lights in the Universe: A Memoir by Sara Seager 

Release Date: August 18

Why I Want to Read It: The existence of exoplanets are one of the most interesting aspects of astronomy in my opinion. I could read about them all day.

Drawing of three Japanese teenagesr on the side of a building next to a large pile of luggage.

We Are Not Free by Traci Chee

Release Date: September 1

Why I Want to Read It: The shameful Japanese internment camps of the 1940s are more relevant than ever given what’s currently happening in the U.S.

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas book cover. Image on cover is of two teen latinos and what appears to be a zombie.

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas

Release Date: September 1

Why I Want to Read It: I love visiting cemeteries in real life. They’re incredibly peaceful places to walk, and you can learn so much about the lives of strangers and the eras they lived in by reading their headstones. This love of cemeteries encompasses fictional stories about them as well. They’re not scary to me. They’re wonderful.

The Irish Princess by Elizabeth Chadwick book cover. Image on cover is of a painting of a 12th century princess.

The Irish Princess by Elizabeth Chadwick

Release Date: September 12

Why I Want to Read It: I must confess to having no idea that Ireland ever had their own princess. Now I want to know more!

The Ninth Life by Taylor B. Barton book cover. Image on cover shows three teens embracing while standing on a roof.

The Ninth Life by Taylor B. Barton

Release Date: September 15

Why I Want to Read It: Honestly, who hasn’t grieved the loss of a beloved pet and wished you could have more time with them? The fact that this cat came back as a young queer man makes the storyline even more appealing to me. I can’t wait to see how he adjusts to being human!

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke

Release Date: September 15

Why I Want to Read It: This mansion that goes on endlessly sounds deliciously weird, and I love stories like that. It also reminds me of dreams I’ve had about similar houses that are filled with more rooms than anyone could ever explore.

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A Mindful Approach to Headaches

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any medical conditions. Please consult with a medical professional if you need medical advice. I’m simply writing about my own experiences here. 

The first multi-day tension headache I remember experiencing happened at age seven or eight soon after my family moved to Wyoming. Our house was small and comfortable but rarely quiet due to the simple realities of how trailer homes are constructed and the fact that two adults, three young children, and a small assortment of mischievous pets shared that cozy two-bedroom home.

Ordinarily, the overlapping, never-ending conversations, barks from our excitable dog, clangs from the kitchen, and other noises didn’t bother me as a child of that age, but I did wish for quieter corners of the globe when my head pounded for days in a row. What I had instead were cold wash cloths on my forehead and the stillness that comes from lying down and waiting for all of our home remedies to chase that discomfort away.

woman lying in bed with a headache

Are anyone’s headaches actually this photogenic? Mine sure aren’t.

My life has changed in countless ways since then.

I’ve since learned that mild dehydration, caffeine, and stress are among my biggest triggers for these long-lived headaches.

But every once in a while, one of them still sneaks past my best prevention efforts.

This past weekend was my most recent experience with a stubborn headache that lasts multiple days.

Along with drinking extra water, getting more rest, and eating chocolate when taking over-the-counter pain medicine to help amplify their effects, mindfulness is another tool in my headache-busting toolbox.

Headaches can’t always be prevented, but I can have better experiences with them when they show up by remaining in the moment.

Less Tension, Less Pain

Chalkboard with the words stress and relax written on it. The word stres is crossed out with a red x. My headaches often spiral into a negative feedback loop of pain leading to tense muscles that in turn lead to more pain.

The best thing I can do when a new one begins is to relax my muscles as soon and as much as possible.

This is where mindfulness comes in. Whether I’ve undertaken a formal meditation session on that particular day or have simply decided to breathe in and out deeply and slowly, every ounce of relaxation matters.

Sometimes this looks like me lying down and closing my eyes for twenty minutes. While it can lead to a nap, sleeping isn’t the goal. Breaking that cycle is the goal.

A Distracting Walk

Woman walking barefoot on a beach as the tide comes in. Her footprints are straight and even across the sand.I know I talk about my love of long walks a lot on this blog, but this time I’m thinking of them as a type of distraction instead of a form of exercise.

Ideally, the walk would take place in a natural setting like a park or a beach, but it can happen on city streets as well. It’s generally slow and meandering instead of brisk.

The purpose of it is to gently pull my attention away from my discomfort and to anything else happening around me.

It could be the sight of two seagulls fighting over a french fry someone accidentally dropped or the sound of leaves rustling in the breeze.

Maybe a jogger will run by and I’ll take a moment to silently congratulate them on their good running form. The sun’s rays could shine down on my forehead and almost feel like a warm kiss from a loved one.

These sounds and sights wash over me. I acknowledge them but do my best not to dwell on them once they’ve passed. Responding to small moments like these is a nice reminder that headaches, too, will pass and that I shouldn’t spend time thinking about how long they’ve been going on or when they’ll end.

There’s something about this sort of distracting change of scenery that does a body good, especially when you’re in discomfort.

Living in the Moment

person walking in a forest. The forest floor is shaped like a person's hand held up to their mouth in a shushing motion.

Patience is a skill I’ve honed nicely over the years.

While medication dulls the pain of a headache in the short term, this is one of those ailments that needs time to truly fade away. It can’t be rushed.

One of the beautiful things about taking a mindful approach to headaches is that it teaches you to sit with yourself in this exact moment.

There’s something freeing about doing what you can to alleviate the pain of a headache and then stopping and observing everything you’re experiencing in that moment without judging it.

Will mindfulness cure headaches? No, not in my experience, but it can make it easier to handle them when they pop up.

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Extraterrestrial Discovery: A Review of Life

Ryan Reynolds, Rebecca Ferguson, and Jake Gyllenhaal in film poster for Life. All three actors are dressed in space suits. Content warning: blood and death of an animal. I will make one brief reference to the former and will not discuss the latter at all in this post.

Life is a 2017 American science fiction horror film about a six-member crew of the International Space Station that discovers the first evidence of extraterrestrial life on Mars.

Unlike Europa Report, this film makes very few assumptions about what its audience already knows about NASA, space flight, or what life might be like on other planets. This isn’t a criticism, but I’d classify it as something closer to the horror or thriller genres than hard science fiction.

Characters

Jake Gyllenhaal as Dr. David Jordan.

Jake Gyllenhaal as Dr. David Jordan

 

Dr. David Jordan was from the USA and was the ISS medical officer.

He was so focused on his job that it sometimes negatively affected his physical and mental health. While his bedside manner was impeccable, I think I’d want him to have a nap and a hot meal before he treated me for anything more serious than a sprained ankle.

 

Rebecca Ferguson as Dr. Miranda North

Rebecca Ferguson as Dr. Miranda North

 

Dr. Miranda North was from the UK and was the CDC quarantine officer.

She was the sort of person who would double-check even the most mundane of tasks after completing them. This was sometimes a source of mild annoyance to her coworkers, but it’s exactly the sort of behaviour I’d want to see if I were working with an alien life form!

Ryan Reynolds as Rory Adams

Ryan Reynolds as Rory Adams

Rory Adams was from the USA and was the ISS engineer.

He was the jokester of this mission. His teasing was good-natured but could sometimes push the envelope a little bit too far because of how impulsive he could be.

Hiroyuki Sanada as Sho Murakami

Hiroyuki Sanada as Sho Murakami

 

Sho Murakami was from Japan and was the ISS systems engineer.

He was a warm, kind man who truly cared about his fellow crew members. Out of everyone on the space station, he seemed to be the person who was most strongly connected to his loved ones back on Earth.

 

Ariyon Bakare as Dr. Hugh Derry

Ariyon Bakare as Dr. Hugh Derry

 

Dr. Hugh Derry was from the UK and was the ISS exobiologist.

He was a trusting man who assumed the best in himself and everyone around him. One of my favourite moments in this tale happened when he shared a story from his childhood that I can’t repeat here without giving away spoilers. It was fascinating.

Olga Dihovichnaya as Ekaterina Golovkina

Olga Dihovichnaya as Ekaterina Golovkina

 

Ekaterina was from Russia and was the ISS Mission Commander.

She was professional and shared almost nothing about her personal life or backstory during the course of this film. One notable thing I can say about her is that she took her crew’s safety quite seriously.

My Review

Raise your hand if you love imagining what life on other planets might be like!

I don’t know about all of you, but I never grow tired of picturing what we’ll see on our screens if NASA ever calls a press conference to announce that they’ve found life on Mars, Europa, or some other place in the galaxy.

So of course I had to watch and review Life when I found out about it. While the discovery in this story isn’t of a little green man, it’s still something pretty spectacular. The trailer at the bottom of this post will give you a glimpse of it. For the sake of avoiding spoilers, I won’t go into much more detail about it other than to say that just because a creature is small doesn’t mean it’s harmless.

Ryan Reynolds and Jake Gyllenhaal in Life (2017)One of the things that I would have liked to seen done differently with this film had to do with how physically dark it was. While the plot was thematically dark, too, that’s not what I’m talking about here.  I would have loved to see more lighting in the scenes, especially in the beginning. I ended up needing to turn off the lights in my house in order to properly see what was happening in the opening scenes as the characters introduced us to their work environment and gave us the first glimpse of the little alien.

Speaking of the plot, the horror themes were strong in it even though the main storyline was definitely science fiction. The scenes involving blood were brief and only happened occasionally, but this is still something I’d only recommend to people who like horror in general because of how much it affected the way the plot unfolded.

I was pleased with how much thought the screenwriters put into how the International Space Station would realistically react to the discovery of life that isn’t from Earth. While this would obviously be an incredibly exciting discovery, it could also be possibly dangerous. We have no way of knowing ahead of time how such creatures would react to us, if they pose a threat to our health, or if we might pose a threat to their health as well.

So it was nice to see the astronauts take this discovery seriously. They talked extensively about the precautions they took to avoid unnecessary exposure to this alien until they knew more about what it was and how its body worked.

As someone who has seen countless horror and science fiction films, I was able to figure out the twists in it pretty early on. It would have been nice to have more surprises thrown in along the way, especially when it came to how the astronauts reacted once things began to go horribly wrong for them. Their reactions were pretty predictable once the pacing sped up.

With that being said, this was still something worth watching. I liked all of the characters and thought their camaraderie was written into the script nicely. They obviously didn’t have much time to do non-work activities, especially once they made their big discovery, but I did come away from this story with a sense of satisfaction. I got to know them just well enough to genuinely care about what happened to them, and that’s always important in this sort of tale.

If you love horror, outer space, or thrillers, this film might be right up your alley!

Life is available on Netflix.

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Wednesday Weekly Blogging Challenge: Favourite Poems and Short Stories from Black Writers

Hosted by Long and Short Reviews.

Black Woman reading a book Click here to read everyone else’s replies to this week’s question and here to see the full list of topics for the year.

In light of the protests happening in the U.S. and across the world, everyone I recommend today is a black or African-American writer. I stand with Black Lives Matter and the other protestors in their fight against racism, violence, and oppression.

May we all one day know a peaceful and just word.

I chose these specific works because of the vivid imagery in them. All of these writers excel at creating unforgettable worlds with a few carefully-chosen words.

That’s the sort of writing that grabs my attention immediately and makes me want to read everything else that author or poet has ever written.

Poems

I, Too, Sing America by Langston Hughes

Mortality by Paul Laurence Dunbar

Caged Bird by Maya Angelou

The Blue Dress by Saeed Jones

A Poem for Ella Fitzgerald by Sonia Sanchez

Short Stories

Everyday Use  by Alice Walker

Africanfuturist 419 by Nnedi Okorafor

The Devil in America by Kai Ashante Wilson

The Space Traders by Derrick Bell

The City Born Great by N.K. Jemisin

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Top Ten Tuesday: Books I’ve Added to my TBR and Forgotten Why

Hosted by That Artsy Reader Girl

Opened book next to cup of tea and stuffed toy bear. All three items are sitting on a white bedspread. This week’s list might seem a little out of character for my reading habits. I jump around a lot in various genres, but the vast majority of the books I read were written in the last thirty to forty years.

(Do book published in 1980-1990 count as contemporary or historical? I have no idea!)

With that being said, there have been some classic novels like Jane Eyre that I loved reading.

So I’m always theoretically open to reading more classics….it’s just rare for me to actually be in the mood to adapt to the sometimes wordy writing styles from past decades and centuries.

Now I don’t even remember why I was interested in these specific titles, but they’re still on my TBR list.

1. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickins

2. Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

3. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

4. Les Misérables by Victor Hugo

5. The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins

6. A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams

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4 Things That Make Science Fiction and Fantasy Shows Worth Rewatching

A white bowl filled with popcorn and sitting on a wooden table Raise your hand if you love rewatching your old favourite sci-fi and fantasy shows!

Over the last few months, I’ve slowly become more reticent about watching new films and TV shows in these genres.

I’m sure many of them are going to be amazing once I return to chipping away at my humongous to-watch queue, but for now I’m much more interested in rewatching stories I’ve seen dozens of time before.

Keep scrolling for spoiler-free references to some of my favourite

Familiar Plot Twists

Okay, so don’t laugh at me, but I get pretty attached to certain characters. I cheer when they reach their goals and cry when sad things happen to them.

Empathy is a gift, but there are also times when I’d rather not ride the emotional rollercoaster of are these characters going to be okay?

Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She's holding a glowing orb. Yes, most of them will be fine by the time the credits roll. But thanks to earlier experiences with Joss Whedon and the unpredictable things he likes to do with the lives of beloved characters, I don’t fully trust any director or screenwriter when my favourites are involved.

The beautiful thing about rewatching something you’ve seen many times before is that there are no big surprises around the corner. You might forget a funny line here or a minor plot twist there if it’s been a while, but for the most part you roll the opening credits  knowing full well what’s to come.

There’s something soothing about that, especially when other things in life might not be so predictable.

Predictions That Do (or Don’t) Come True

Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future Part IISpeaking of predictions, the science fiction genre in particular is filled with them.

I’m the sort of viewer who takes note of what fellow storytellers in this genre think will happen in the near future and then likes to check again five or ten or twenty years later to see what they might have gotten right.

Fashion trends of future decades have never been accurate in my experience. (Here’s looking at you, 2015 scenes in Back to the Future Part II!)

But some films do predict the future more accurately. Rediscovering those scenes is like finding buried treasure.

Jokes That Never Get Old

If you ask me, the best films and TV shows are the ones that still make you laugh the third or thirtieth time you see them. Case in point: The Princess Bride. This fairy tale was framed as something a grandfather was reading to his sick grandson.

A few minutes into Princess Buttercup’s adventures, the kid interrupted to ask if it was a kissing book.

Boy from The Princess Bride saying, "Is this a kissing book?"

As someone who avoided kissing books as a kid and rarely reads them as an adult, I laugh every time I hear this line. It’s classic.

New Details in the Story

Alakina Mann in The OthersAnyone who has followed this blog for a long time may remember my love of the paranormal film The Others.

(Someday I need to write a full-length review of it for this site! It’s a modern-day classic).

The first time I watched this film, I missed the major plot twist in it until the last possible moment.

It was only after rewatching it that I picked up on the clues about what was really going on with the main character and her two young children who were living in a remote house during the World War II era while waiting to hear news about her husband who was on the front lines of the war.

This was always a good story, but it became even better once I knew what on Earth was going on with this strange, reclusive family. Every time I rewatch it, I pick up on even more subtle foreshadowing or small moments of character development I hadn’t noticed in the past.

Respond

What are your favourite science fiction, fantasy, or other speculative fiction shows to rewatch?

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Hopeful Science Fiction: Skin City

Click on the tag “hope” at this bottom of this post to read about all of my suggestions for hopeful science fiction. If you have recommendations for future instalments of this series, I’d sure like to hear them. Leave a comment below or send me message about it on Twitter.

Earlier this year I discovered the Better Worlds series, a science fiction anthology of short stories and films about hope that was published at The Verge two years ago. This is the eighth story from this anthology I’ve covered here, and I will eventually blog about all of them.

Skin City

Kelly Robson’s Skin City was about a street performer named Kass who got into trouble after falling for a radical privacy devotee.

The futuristic world Kass lives in is set about 80 years in the future in a time when climate change has become strong enough to seriously damage cities. Toronto and any other city that wished to survive had long since erected domes over themselves to keep violent, seasonal storms from flattening their historic buildings.

woman wearing virtual reality goggles

They might have looked something like this but larger.

This naturally meant that humans were crammed into much smaller spaces than many folks know in 2020.

To compensate for constantly being surrounded by strangers, some wealthy people in this universe have decided to wear a sort of electronic helmet over their head when they leave home that digitally erase other people in their line of sight and hide the owner’s facial expressions from strangers, too.

The reason why people who wore visors would want to hide their facial expressions is something best discovered by new readers for themselves. It was explained thoroughly and satisfactorily.

I enjoyed reading about these sociological and technological changes. They seemed like things that could easily happen to future generations given what life is like in 2020. I’ve known some people who gave up on social media for privacy reasons and many others who are painstakingly careful about what they post there.

Given the right technology, I can see a lot of people opting out of being seen by others, especially if they’re living in a cramped city that no longer has the resources to give people much personal space at all.

As for Kass? She wasn’t one of those folks who were wealthy enough to afford a status symbol like that by any means. Her income barely covered the necessities, and she definitely wasn’t someone who was thought of highly by the authorities. In fact, when the audience first met her she was in jail and looking at the possibility of spending the rest of her life there.  That’s the sort of detail that will keep me reading for sure!

The ending was well done, too. I would have liked to see more foreshadowing done for it so that readers would have a hint of what was to come when the earlier scenes continued to grow bleaker, but I enjoyed the twist when it was finally revealed. Honestly, it was the only logical outcome of everything that had been established about Kass and her society earlier on.

Now I know you’re all wondering how a story about a character who was incarcerated and deeply in love with someone who ordinarily would never interact with her could possibly be hopeful.

There was a time right before the final scene when I was tempted to stop reading. It didn’t seem possible for there to be a cheerful ending when Kass had so many things stacked against her pursuit of happiness.

The beautiful thing about the Better Worlds series is that it doesn’t require perfection from its characters, settings, or plot twists. In fact, some of the best stories in this online anthology so far have come from the most unlikely places in my opinion.

While this wasn’t my favourite story in this collection, it was a solid one.

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Wednesday Weekly Blogging Challenge: Things I Wish I Were Better At

Hosted by Long and Short Reviews.

Click here to read everyone else’s replies to this week’s question and here to see the full list of topics for the year.

I wish I were better at:

  • Singing.
  • Cooking and baking fancy, restaurant-quality food. I’m decent at throwing together a regular meal or dessert, but I’d love to amaze someone someday.
  • Making a great first impression. (I have a bit of social anxiety).
  • Keeping conversations going with people I don’t know.
  • Navigating unfamiliar areas. My sense of direction isn’t the best if I don’t have familiar streets or landmarks to guide me.
  • How to repair appliances, vehicles, furniture, toilets, etc. when they stop working.
  • Knowing when people are flirting with me.*

*I generally mistake flirtation for platonic friendliness. Thank goodness I fell in love with someone who was completely straightforward about his romantic interest in me. That was exactly the communication style I needed.

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Top Ten Tuesday: Books that Give Off Summer Vibes

Hosted by That Artsy Reader Girl

Summer is my favourite time of the year when it comes to food. Not only are many of my favourite fruits and vegetables in season, the warm weather leads to delicious grilled dinners and sometimes a scoop of dairy-free ice cream for dessert.

In short, you’re going to be tempted by all sorts of food today from a wide variety of cuisines, so strap in and prepare to start craving the best of what summer has to offer.

Asian Grilling: 85 Satay, Kebabs, Skewers and Other Asian-Inspired Recipes for Your Barbecue by Su-Mei Yu book cover. Image on cover is of grilled shrimp on a blue plate.

1. Asian Grilling: 85 Satay, Kebabs, Skewers and Other Asian-Inspired Recipes for Your Barbecue by Su-Mei Yu

Burgers Every Way- 100 Recipes Using Beef, Chicken, Turkey, Lamb, Fish, and Vegetables by Emily Haft Bloom book cover. Image on cover is of a hamburger on a white plate.

2. Burgers Every Way: 100 Recipes Using Beef, Chicken, Turkey, Lamb, Fish, and Vegetables by Emily Haft Bloom

The Mango Season by Amulya Malladi book cover. Image on cover is of a woman holding a mango.

3. The Mango Season by Amulya Malladi

Heirloom- Notes from an Accidental Tomato Farmer by Tim Stark book cover. Image on cover is of green, purple, red, and orange heirloom tomatoes sitting on a wooden table.

4. Heirloom: Notes from an Accidental Tomato Farmer by Tim Stark

Der Erdbeerpflücker (Jette Weingärtner #1) by Monika Feth book cover. Image on cover is of about a dozen whole fresh strawberries sitting on a clean, white surface.

5. Der Erdbeerpflücker (Jette Weingärtner #1) by Monika Feth

Saladish- A New Way to Eat Your Vegetables by Ilene Rosen book cover. Image on cover is of a white bowl filled with salad ingrients, from lettuce to nuts to sliced apples to beans.

6. Saladish: A New Way to Eat Your Vegetables by Ilene Rosen

Mason Jar Salads and More- 50 Layered Lunches to Grab and Go  by Julia Mirabella book cover. Image on cover is of two mason jars filled with salad ingredients.

7. Mason Jar Salads and More: 50 Layered Lunches to Grab and Go by Julia Mirabella

Smoothies- 50 Recipes for High-Energy Refreshment by Mary Corpening Barber book cover. Image on cover is of an orange smoothie in a tall glass that has a thin wedge of lime placed on the rim.

8. Smoothies: 50 Recipes for High-Energy Refreshment by Mary Corpening Barber

Shug by Jenny Han book cover. Image on cover is of a red popsicle with one bite taken out of it.

9. Shug by Jenny Han

Sundae My Prince Will Come (Wish, #6) by Suzanne Nelson book cover. Image on cover is of a pink ice cream sundae in a waffle bowl.

10. Sundae My Prince Will Come (Wish, #6) by Suzanne Nelson

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How to Encourage Quiet People to Speak Up

A grey and white rabbit covering its eyes with its paws. Google analytics keeps showing me visitors who found this blog by searching for phrases like “how to get quiet people to speak up.” It seems like a good discussion topic, so let’s jump into it!

As a quiet person, I’ve been on the receiving end of many helpful and not-so-helpful attempts to get me to be more talkative.

I choose to believe this happens because some people are fascinated by us quiet folks and wish they knew more about how our minds work and what we’re thinking about.

Occasionally, I meet someone who is even quieter than I am, and that is exactly how I respond to them. So it only makes sense that others would have that same reaction.

While I obviously can’t guarantee that every quiet person on Earth will respond positively to all of these techniques, I can say they work on me and that I’ve had success when trying them with quiet friends and acquaintances as well.

Give Them Time to Warm Up

White man peering at bald statue that looks a lot like him.

Only time will tell if this works for statues, too. 😉

Disclaimer: not every quiet person is shy, and not every shy person is quiet.

As someone who is both, however, I find that I become much more talkative once I’ve gotten to know someone better.

One, it means that I’ll already have some idea of what we have in common. Two, it also means that I’ll have a good indication of which topics, if any, others prefer not to discuss.

No, I’m not talking about anything controversial or widely known to be a sensitive topic here. It’s more an issue of knowing that friend X loves to talk about photography but has zero interest in anything related to team sports (or vice versa).

Leave Space in the Conversation

A snapshot of the legs and feet of someone wearing jeans and red sneakers. They're standing next to a "welcome on board" mat on what appears to be a wooden pier. Some people excel at filling every potential moment of silence in a conversation with words.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having this temperament, but it can make it  harder for quiet people get a word in edgewise.

If you give me ten seconds to process my thoughts, I’m much more likely to speak up. Anyone who is comfortable leaving small amounts of space in multiples portions of a conversation will be rewarded by all sorts of interesting replies from me as I come up with them.

This is by far one of the biggest things that make me feel welcome to chime in.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

two birds sitting on the rim of a water bowl. One is chirping at the other. There’s something wonderful about open-ended questions that do their best to avoid assumptions.

By that I mean, folks who assume that me being a woman means I must love fashion and makeup aren’t going to get very far with me on those particular topics because I know almost nothing about them!

If they ask what I enjoy doing in my free time instead, we could have a long, fruitful conversation about the best books to read when you’re in any number of unusual circumstances, interesting things I’ve seen on nature walks, and why astronomy is such a fascinating branch of science.

Keep the Group Small

If possible, choose a smaller group of people to talk to instead of a larger one. I find it much easier to chime in when a few other folks are taking turns talking than when a dozen or more people have joined the conversation.

Relevant story time! Both of my parents grew up in large families. Mom’s side of the family was especially big if you stepped back a generation or two and invited the hundreds of relatives to the massive annual reunions the oldest family members used to organize.

I cared about all of them, but, wow, was it overwhelming to step into a banquet hall and hear dozens of animated conversations happening simultaneously no matter where you walked.

There were a few talkative relatives who would invite me to chat with them and a handful of other people. They were the folks who got to hear about parts of my life that I probably wouldn’t have shared in the larger conversation circles.

If you’re a fellow quiet person, what else would you recommend?

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